Dinner time struggle

[delancepants]

DS1 is 3yr and 9mo, not really a toddler any more, but he's having an issue that I'm sure is common with toddlers.  Since he gave up the high chair a year ago ihe's had difficulty sitting down to eat dinner.  For a long time he didn't seem to need it, wasn't asking for more food so I didn't push the issue.  Lately though a few times he's asked for food at bedtime.  So I've tried harder to  him toward dinner.  Typically it goes like this.

I give him a five min warning that dinner will be ready, then he comes happily to the table.  He sees what's there and says he doesn't want it, he wants something else, so I offer any other healthy foods and usually he agrees and sits down, but even with his beloved cashew nuts in front of him, he just sits there chattering and doesn't eat!  at every tiny little distraction from his baby brother, doorbell, etc, he gets down from the table.  Ive tried bribing him with desserts (healthy ones that he loves), warning him he's running out of time, and even taking it away if he's not actively eating, but nothing seems to get him to eat!  Even at the threat of running out of time for dessert he's still struggling ti actually eat!  Even though 5 mins later he'll sit and wolf down a bowl of bananas and yoghurt.  The only easy way to get him to eat dinner is to feed him.  (actually he seems to have regressed generally lately, although this eating dinner issue has been going on a year).

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thanks

e

[Buntybear]

Hi, sorry you haven't had any replies yet.

I am not sure what is best for you as DS is younger than yours but from what I have read on this board it is best NOT to offer alternatives. Otherwise he will refuse his dinner (as he is !) and hang out waiting for his faves to get brought out.

Maybe start, after christmas is out the way, by giving him plenty of warings that things are going to change and then make sure that you offer him 3 good sized meals and that you will not offer alternatives. Personally I would still give fruit or yoghurt if he refused dinner but then I needed to get food into Olly with his allergies. Not sure what others would think of this.

Are you offering foods that you know he likes? Does he get involved in the cooking or preparation of it? Do you all eat the same dinner - at the same table?

He must be eating at other times of the day I guess? does he have big snacks to make up for the lack of dinner?

[delancepants]

I generally don't offer alternatives, I only know the banana and yoghurt thing from DS sharing DH's food, DH allowed him to share, thinking that he'd already eaten his dinner, then DS ate the whole lot!  (obviously I wasn't there at the time)  if he says he wants something else I ask him what he wants, and I will allow him a small portion of something he chooses, to eat alongside his dinner, as this has helped in the past, although it's hit and miss now. 

At school his teacher has to feed him otherwise he won't eat.  At breakfast he happily eats banana smoothie by hisself (with a straw, I think that's why). 

For meals I offer a mix of healthy foods that in the past he's said he liked, along with some others that he's not so keen on.  but he won't even eat the stuff he supposedly likes.  If he eats plenty of the healthy stuff I allow him a treat afterwards, a biscuit or yoghurt or whatever.  I was wondering if it's something to do with jealousy of his younger brother...BUT...he will quite happily eat junk food without wanting to be fed.  Chips crisps, chocolate, biscuits, you name it, no problem!!

He doesn't help out with food prep, he has no interest, unless it's junk food, and then only limited interest.

[Lolly]

My DD is about the same age as your DS and we have some of the same issues!

Here's what we do!

She sits at the table with us and she doesn't get down unless it's for the toilet and now I make sure she goes just before we sit down so no excuse! We have baby dan chairs for the kids, they are sitting like a grown up but the chair is at an appropriate height for them to sit comfortably at the table. It's one of thses with the baby bar removed http://www.safetots.co.uk/p59/BabyDan-DanChair-High-Chair-Natural/product_info.html?&utm_source=google-feed&%20utm_medium=sem&ut;m_campaign=google-feed&gclid=CJ2oitj8y7QCFcjKtAodXj8ANA
 If she gets down she gets put straight back again.

I offer meals that I know they will eat most of, if they have something new they always have things on their plate they will eat. If they have something new they have to at least taste it, if they don't like it they don't have to eat it but they di have to try. We have got into a bad habit of feeding her so we are stopping that now, if she doesn't eat she needs to learn she will be hungry. At breakfast she generally eats by herself now but we do sometimes "help" her but she has to do 2 spoons herself then we will do 1.

I don't really do snacks anymore as she eats meals better if she hasn't had a snack, particularly in the afternoon. If they have had breakfast early she will have toast mid morning, in the afternoon if they ask they will have a small portion of fruit. I also *try* not to worry about how much she eats at the end of the day if she has had a good breakfast and a good lunch, she's just not that hungry at the end of the day sometimes. I will offer yoghurt after a meal but I don't mention it until she has eaten what she wants.

Theses pre-schoolers are a determined bunch but they are able to understand consequences of don't eat and you'll be hungry and a few times of being hungry until the next meal time won't hurt them!

Laura

[cuckoochick]

I personally wouldn't use treats as a bribe to eat main meals but that is just my own personal preference. There have been a few posts on here recently where people have served fruit/yoghurt along with the main meal where they've felt their LO was holding out for dessert. I don't think that is your biggest issue though right?

I too wouldn't offer alternatives unless the meal you have prepared contains nothing that your DS likes. I'd be sure to offer meals that contain at least 2 or 3 components that your DS likes and offer that alongside the other foods. So that might mean you offer him a slice of bread or put cheese out in a dish etc.
Do you serve his food on the plate or is it out on dishes on the table? My DD loves to select and with help serve herself food from dishes. My mum used this method with success with my sister who, at the time we labelled as too lazy/busy to eat" and my MIL used this technique with my DH who would often say he wanted nothing to eat but when presented with an empty plate and the opportunity to serve himself did!

How is your DS with other meals in the day? Does he eat a good lunch? Often, dinner is the meal that toddlers seem to eat the least at. I certainly know that this is true of lots of LOs in our family.

I would also say try to keep meal-times low-key as possible without bartering/cajoling etc. my nephew is a really picky eater and practically lives on fresh air. I actually dread mealtimes with him, not because of him, but because of all the bartering, pleading and battle of wills that goes on from BIL and SIL. I understand your child's eating is a highly emotive and anxiety-producing thing but my nephew definitely picks up on it.

Good luck and keep us updated

[barbaraz78]

I agree with pp. DS is a good eater usually, but he's really slow (if not very very hungry) so he talks, jokes and plays with us at the table eating from time to time. This is different when he's hungry, so if he starts to be particularly slow I would limit the snacks. I generally serve fruit as part of the meal, even if in the end, and as the other things I require DS tastes at least some, so he doesn't see it as a treat but as another dish. The rule of tasting at least a bit of everything is in your plate is also very important.
I also think that having a chair that brings them at the appropriate height to be comfortable at the table is key for them to eat the right amount.

[delancepants]

Yeah bartering and threats from DH ate driving me crazy.  I've given up on it mostly, I just feed him for a peaceful life and hoping that when he's a bit older I can cut it down by getting him to one spoon me the next, as you suggest.

How can I avoid giving him snacks in the afternoon, he seems pretty hungry...gonna try giving him more at lunchtime to see if that helps.