She just wants desert

[ENMS]

DD is 3y8m. She's always been a fairly good eater but somehow we got stuck in a bad situation this fall. I think it started after Halloween and now I don't know how to get out of it and need help to make a plan.

Basically she is obsessed with desert. The whole mealtime is now all about how much do I need to eat of my meal to be allowed to have desert. Before, desert used to be a fruit or yogurt, something healthy. Then came Halloween and we allowed her to have one of her Halloween candy for desert per night. Then came the advent calendar with the chocolates.

Now that the holidays are coming to an end, these deserts will also stop. I'm planning to offer only fruits and yogurts as deserts. DH always eats a square of dark chocolate so she's also allowed a small piece. I tried that in early December before the advent calendar. She was fine with having these foods at desert, but the whole 'how much do I need to eat' was still the same.

I've never wanted to give desert as a reward and never ask her to finish her plate. But I ask her to make a reasonable attempt at eating her food. If she really dislikes the food (which is really rare) I offer a peanut butter toast but that's it. Most meals that I make I know she likes them usually. She has always been a fab eater so now I know this is all my fault but I'm not sure how to undo it.

Any tips on how to approach this? And to stop her from constantly asking me if she's eaten enough?

[creations]

Once you have decided what you are happy with (ie the yogurt or small piece of chocolate) how about when she asks what she has to eat you just say, 'until you feel full' and basically have the idea that she can have the dessert at any point without any additional effort going into eating the meal.  Maybe even put the dessert by her plate for her to eat prior to the main meal if she chooses.  So that it is no longer the 'prize' for eating xyz.
If she generally likes the meals you make and the dessert is there anyway I would imagine after a few days she would eat to her fill plus the dessert rather than asking all the time how much she has to eat.
And maybe next year keep the Halloween and Advent candy for non-meal times of day so the association with eating well isn't made?

[ENMS]

Good idea creations and great idea about next year! Candy will definitely not be welcome in out home anymore since DS is intolerant to sucrose anyway.

And once she's finished her meal and 'feels full' is it best if I take it away completely and then she is done eating once she eats her desert? I find sometimes she likes to eat her desert and then go back to her main meal.

[Shiv52]

Personally we have done away with dessert altogether. Treat foods are just at a totally different time of the day. With lunch I just put the fruit and yogurt out as part of the meal and she eats in whatever order she wants. I was just so over the 'how about 3 more spoonfuls then I'm done'. Since getting rid of the dessert end of things she has been eating much better at meals. I also found DH was doing a lot of well if you don't eat you're not getting dessert and i am not for that at all so it's stopped all that too.

[barbaraz78]

For us, yogurt or fruit is just a part of the meal. They are served at the end but we never treated them as a prize, but just as another dish. I usually keep all the other unfinished food on the table, as also ds goes sometime back to the other food after fruit, and I think it is actually goodif he does it and experiments foods in different order. The order that we usually give to food is just conventional, and there is any reason why one could not eat fruit before and meat after...

[ENMS]

Thanks Baraba and Shiv.

I think this is great. From now on, yogurt and or fruits will be served when she wants them during the meal. Hopefully that eill stop this behavior!

[Lemonthyme]

I think I wouldn't always have dessert, like it's not an automatic thing then if she's still hungry you could offer fruit or cheese perhaps.  Also when you do offer desserts, keep them low sugar.  This recipe is great, loads of dried fruit and no added sugar:

http://mamacook.blogspot.co.uk/2011/04/no-added-sugar-date-loaf.html

This one is also dairy free;

http://mamacook.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/sugar-free-double-apple-muffins-for.html

Just my theory.  If my son seems full, he doesn't get offered pudding now, it used to be automatic but it's not anymore.  I don't like pudding being a reward personally.

[ENMS]

Thanks Lemonthyme, I checked out your blog, great recipes!!

[creations]

And once she's finished her meal and 'feels full' is it best if I take it away completely and then she is done eating once she eats her desert? I find sometimes she likes to eat her desert and then go back to her main meal.

Like pps have said I'd let her go back to her main meal after the fruit/yogurt too.  although convention is fruit after mains some times it is given as a starter (melon, strawberries, not uncommon to have these prior to the main course) and there are heaps of meals which include fruit with meat (pork with apple, lamb and apricots etc, turkey and cranberry, duck and orange) so really eating fruit mid main meal is not really that odd.
I don't know the facts on this but many years ago I heard it was better not to have fruit after mains anyway because the fruit acid sits on the top of the other food making more indigestion problems.

[barbaraz78]

I don't know the facts on this but many years ago I heard it was better not to have fruit after mains anyway because the fruit acid sits on the top of the other food making more indigestion problems.

This is something that I hear very commonly here. Many people think fruit should not be eaten after meal. However, I've always had fruit after meal and was always fine with it, so I don't see any reason to change. I am not even sure there is a scientific explanation, apart of the subjective taste or feeling full that fruit can give.

[creations]

I've always had fruit after meal and was always fine with it

I think lots of people are