SA at BT? 28 mo

[cath~]

L is an independent sleeper although often I have to go back once or twice v briefly in the first 5 mins before she self-settles.

However, for the last week or so we have been getting multiple callbacks and she keeps whining/crying/calling for us for an extended period.  If we ask her what is the matter she thinks about it for a bit and looks around her room before making up a reason (e.g. I need you to take my slippers downstairs).  It often escalates making the WO bit of WIWO tricky (should I leave her again in the same state she was when I arrived?), although she stops in the end and sings/chats herself to sleep as usual.

However, this whining/crying/calling for us is very frustrating.

Has anyone else BTDT with SA at BT with a 2yo?  How long did it last?  How did you get past it?  Did you use WIWO?  What about when WI didn't help?

The last time we had bad SA at BT was around 18mo when we got into all sorts of trouble by staying with her until she was asleep and I definitely don't want to go there again!

She isn't really showing any signs of SA during the day, she seems to be more independent than ever at the moment in fact, it's just at BT.  However, I am pretty sure we have ruled out UT at BT and I'm sure she's not OT.  It also isn't teeth cos she's got the lot now (phew!).  So I guess that just leaves SA/developmental reasons 

[anna*]

Yeh. We couldn't really use WIWO as it would send my DS hysterical, it was brutal, none of us could handle it. It coincided for us with the move to a big boy bed. We started doing quite a long extended wind down - telling him about his day, coming back every two minutes for kisses - but at the same time being quite firm that he was not allowed to get out of bed, not allowed to keep calling us back. I think she's really young to be able to answer 'what's the matter' in a meaningful way - she probably doesn't even know herself.

[cath~]

thanks Anna - it's nice to know we're not the only ones who have SA trouble at BT at this age.  I had hoped we were past this though...

when you say you came back to him every 2 mins for kisses, what was he like between times?  did he get upset when you left again?  how did you deal with that?  How long did the phase last for you?

last week I was trying the being firm approach - ie telling her softly but firmly that it was BT and she couldn't keep calling me back, but that seemed to just wind her up more.  TOday and yesterday though I've not said that, have just quickly given her what she wanted (a babywipe at the moment ) and left which seems to have worked better - she's not got so upset at any rate, although I've still been going in and out almost constantly for about 15-20 mins.  However, (as last night) she seems ok now and is chatting/singing by herself again.  It's like she is needing to check that I will go back to her and once she has checked this enough times (many many times!) then she is OK. 

Recently she has been saying quite often that she misses me/is sad when I go to work   She also says sometimes that her toys are sad because their mummy and daddy have to go to work   She really doesn't see a lot of me on the days I work (Mon-Thurs) so I don't think that helps

[anna*]

We made it a sort of game. Wait quietly for one minute and I will come back and give you a kiss. Then wait two minutes. In the beginning, he was getting upset so I would just walk to is door and back. Then leave the room and come back. Work up to a minute, then two minutes, then three minutes. He started to trust that I would come back and at some point he would always fall asleep before the next kiss. I don't remember how long the phase lasted - it always seems like forever, hey? - but probably a couple of months.

[cath~]

thanks Anna - I will give that a try if things continue...  I did try something like that last week actually (eg told her I'd come back in 2 mins) but it didn't go down well at all, so think I'd better start with smaller steps like you did!

ugh, 2 months!  I hope it's quicker than that...

actually, we had a couple of MOTN NWs last night - first one I had to go see her but the second time she just called out once or twice but self-settled.  When we get NWs in the MOTN like that it tends to mean that there's something developmental going on..

[barbaraz78]

For us, the developmental leaps always coincided with multiple calling backs at bt. It was at 18 mo (the worse!), at 2 yo and also now at 3 we are having few of these, but generally he settles in 5 mins, like L did before. I don't even believe it is SA, I think it is because he is learning something and can't (don't want to) switch off his mind easily and go to sleep. Of course, we have more when he's UT, but it is not completely related. We usually go back once or twice and then we speak with him through the door. He generally doesn't cry so we can do it. I know if I give in and go back too easily he would call me back again and again, so I try to go only if he cries and I can't really avoid it.
The other things that started a little before 3 yo for which he calls us back (so it could be also this in your case!) it is fear of "wolfs".

[cath~]

Barbara - yes, I'm thinking now that this is all down to a developmental leap and not SA at all. She self seems more 'mature' this week than a couple of weeks ago, eg is more accepting and understanding if we tell she can't have/do something because of xyz. Also, she has never been one to play in her cot on waking in the mornings, but this morning she was chatting to her toys for 5-10 mins before calling for me. Usually she calls for me immediately!
Yes, also totally agree about not going back too promptly. Am trying to find the right balance to avoid getting even more callbacks.
I don't think we're quite at the stage of her being afraid of monsters/wolves/the dark yet (got that to look fwd to I suppose!) although she does want her door open when she goes to sleep now.