EASY disaster with 4 month old

[gabbielopez]

I started a 3.5h routine about two weeks ago and it worked great. He was eating on schedule, doing 1.5 hours naps and going to sleep w no drama. Then the last couple of days everything changed. He doesn't want to eat or just eats very little. Putting him down to sleep or nap is a never ending struggle and when he finally naps he sleeps for just 45 mins or less. I'm at my breaking point, I don't know what I'm doing wrong or how to fix it.

He was supposed to take a nap now, but after an hour of him crying (I tried PU/PD and pat/shush and none of it worked) I couldn't take it anymore. I gave him the breast, he fell asleep, I put him down on his crib, he woke up and started crying again. I gave up and I sat him in the living room because I was feeling really frustrated. So, I'm now typing this message out of desperation.

I read online that he may be going through a wonder week (he is 17 weeks now). If he is, what should I do with the routine?

This is an example of his routine now:

8:00 am \ wake up
8:30 am \ eat
8:50 - 10:00 \ activity
10:30 - 11:08 \ sleep (i took me 30 mins to get him to sleep)
12:15 \ eat
11:08 - 1:08 \ activity
1:08 - 1:40 \ sleep
3:30 \ eat
1:40 - 5:10 \ activity
5:10 - 5:30 \ sleep
6:00 \ eat
5:30 - 8:30 \ activity * we were trying to get him to sleep since 7pm
8:15 \ eat
8:30 \ sleep
1:00am \ dream feed

The eating and short naps are getting everything out of schedule. I'm trying to have activity after feeding so he doesn't associate eating with sleeping, but there have been times that as we try to put him to sleep he asks for food so we feed him and that calms him down.

Thank you in advance!

Gaby

[Ima shel Alon]

Hi Gaby and welcome to BW!

It could well may be the wonder week and in that case you just need to wait things out. I am reluctant to tell you to increase the A time because most babies his age are doing 2h as their A times. If in a few days, when the week is behind you, you still have 45min naps and difficult to settle for sleep then I *would* increase his A time to 2:10 and stick with that for 3-4 days to see if it's working.
It looks like his first nap right now might be UT and because he doesn't sleep enough for it then he ends up OT for the next one and the rest of the day.

1:40 - 5:10 \ activity

This is a very very long A time for a baby his age, I really wouldn't let him do more than 2-2:15h A time at the most right now. This very long A brought him to bed OT and it was difficult for him to fall asleep.
Re feeding, are you BF or FF?
Usually at this age when LO starts to take less at 3h or 3.5h in your case it means that they are ready for the feeds to be more spaced. You could try and offer the feed 20min later than what you do now and see if it makes a difference.

He was supposed to take a nap now, but after an hour of him crying (I tried PU/PD and pat/shush and none of it worked) I couldn't take it anymore.

Tracey meant for PU/PD to be a last resort, after pat/shh has been tried and didn't work. It's true that PU/PD is suitable for babies over 4m but in reality many young babies find it hard. I would leave it for now IIWY and focus more on pat/shh. It does take a while till it works but if you do it right and do exactly the same thing for every sleep then he'll get the hang of it in a few days. Consistency is the key.
HTH, hun, hugs, I know how hard sleep issues can be.

[gabbielopez]

He did so much better today. He took two long naps and went to sleep without much struggle, but the third nap didn't go well. I did the pat/shush and it had no effect on him. I reread the sleep chapter in the book and realized that I should pat him on the crib instead of carrying him around and I think I was shushing too quietly. How loud should I shush? If he is screaming should I tried making it louder than him?

I'm doing both BF and FF. He ate plenty today and every 3.5 hours. 

I don't know the lingo very well. What is UT and OT?

[Ima shel Alon]

UT = Undertired
OT = Overtired

I am glad you had a better day today and that feeding went well. Hope it continues for you.
With the shh I think Tracey said it needs to be quite loud but I always did it just in a normal volume . I also didn't do exactly how the book described it - I didn't lean and shh next to his ear because of my back problems and he wasn't on his side because he absolutely hated it! I adjusted the pat/shh for what worked for both of us and it worked really well because I always did the exact same thing.

[gabbielopez]

He is back to taking 45 mins naps and eating randomly  . He went to sleep at 7pm, an hour later he was up and wanting to play. I tried shush/pat to sleep and it made him irritated. I left him in his crib with a night light on because it stopped him from crying. He is still up talking to himself and eating his fingers.

I don't know what I should try next. My SO said that if he continues with this drama to go to sleep he wants to try the cry out method. I don't want to try the cry out, I have to make this work!

[Ima shel Alon]

So it does sound like UT and he probably needs a wee bit more A time. I would offer 10-15min extra A time in the next 4 days and we can see if there is a difference. But you need to be consistent with it or it won't work, yk?
Shh/pat won't work if LO is UT, he is simply not tired enough to go to sleep.

CC or CIO is really not the answer, on the contrary - it will cause more problems and damage on the long run. You can read about it here: Research on why 'cry it out' and 'controlled crying' is NOT recommended!
Cry it out (CIO): 10 reasons why it is not for us
Video on CIO/CC and its effect on brain development