she get's even more upset when I go in, doesn't want to be swaddled, doesn't want shsh pat, doesn't want to sit in chair with me, she screaming/crying at this point, I turn on night light, I make a bottle and change her diaper, she wants nothing to do with the bottle, I turn on her mobile and music, nothing is working. I just know that she wants to go downstairs.
Try to look at it from her eyes. "Oh, I am so tired, I just want to sleep... Oh, here comes mommy, oh, why is she putting the swaddle again (to do that you probably need to mover her a bit), now mommy moves me to the chair, now there's a light on, now music..." That's a lot for a little person to take in, a lot of stimulation in the middle of the night... If she is so stimulated she will NOT go back to sleep.
I would not do Shush-pat anymore, I think she is too old for that, but will only deal with this NW with PU/PD. If you do PU/PD then you know that this is the only way for you to deal with it and not resort to other things out of despair. Please don't think I am criticizing, what you are describing was me not so long ago
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I also think it's worth stretching the first A time a bit more, because a too short A time in the morning can cause an EW (more about it here:
Early Waking see number
and perhaps her last A time should not be that long. Just some ideas to try out.
It would be good, to rule out other factors, that the room will be completely dark and of course white noise can only help!
