25 month old refusing to sleep

[aMei]

DS used to love sleep and would get happy when it was time to go to sleep. Now, he refuses for 2-3hrs and it seems to be getting worse. I'm afraid that I'm making it worse somehow.

A lot has been happening. We were out of the country for a month. While we were abroad, we shared a room. He slept in a travel crib and we would cover it in a way so that he couldn't see us. We had hoped that this would ease the transition of returning to his own room. Getting over jet lag was a challenge, but it should be over now. The first 3 days of returning was great. He was happy to sleep and would sleep longer than usual. Once jet lag kicked in, we've tried so many different methods that I don't know what to do anymore. We have been back for about 2 weeks now.

Part of our wind down at the end is to put his blanket on and put a stuffed animal on him, give him kisses, and say good night. As soon as we kiss him, he jumps back up crying. We've tried still leaving then coming back. We've tried WI/WO and gradual withdraw. We kind of do a combo of the 2 where hubby/I stand by the door and wait till he is quietly laying down for about 2 min, then say good  night and leave. This seemed like it was starting to get better, but it is no longer working. He will take his blanket off and then ask for us to put the blanket on. How do we help him? Now, the only thing that gets him to lay down is if we say, "if you don't want our help to go night night, then I will go bye bye." I know this feels threatening, but he won't lay down....what else can I try? Is this separation anxiety?

It's been hard sticking to a routine with jet lag and him not getting enough sleep. But, I've been waking him up at 9am despite him finally sleeping close to midnight some nights and multiple NWs (that are now fairly brief of 10-20min). Today, he woke up crying at 8am and didn't want to go back to sleep. We still try to have him start his nap at 2pm, but today he refused and didn't fall asleep until 4pm. Since he didn't wake up till 6pm, we started night time rituals later and said good night around 9:30pm. He is currently still crying and it is approaching 12:30am.

After trip EASY:

WU:9am
Nap: 2-4pm
Night: 9pm

Before trip EASY:
WU: 7:30am
Nap: 1:45-3:45pm
Night: 8pm

DS is primarily textbook with some spirited. Please help!

[aMei]

Correction: 9pm is when we put him down for bed time, but it has been much later than that the last week. It's taken on average 2 hours for him to actually fall asleep. The first week, with jet lag, he would fall asleep fine, but had one/two NWs that would last a few hours. It started as refusing bed time at night and now it's refusing to sleep altogether!

I'm worried about ds getting enough sleep. Should I still be waking him up at 9am? Today was the only time he woke up by himself. We have been waking him up every other day in an attempt to have some sort of routine going. DS just started getting a runny nose today, so I'm also worried about him getting sick....sigh...

[anna*]

Can you not go back to your same EASY as before you went away? Seems to me he was having a longer first A time, maybe that suited him better.

Does he fall asleep independently? What's happening while he's crying at bedtime, where are you, what are you doing to try to settle him?

[aMei]

During the first week of jet lag, it seemed like DS was doing better at night with a later bed time, so we thought we would keep with it until jet lag was over. We had planned on slowly going back to our original EASY after getting over jet lag. Then the sleep time challenges continued, so we just haven't even thought of making more changes. We can definitely start.

He is technically still falling asleep independently.

DS starts crying as soon as he knows it's time for us to leave the room. We will still leave the room, wait outside (length depends on the cry)...usually about 2 min before returning. When we return, we put his blanket back on, his stuffed animal back on, and say sleepy words and leave again. This is one of the parts I'm not sure what to do, because he will sometimes get up right away before I can finish the routine, so do I start over (which lead to staying in there indefinitely) or do I just leave without completing the routine? Usually when he gets up right away, he's also still crying. I just feel like restarting the routine is reinforcing his getting up, but I don't really want to leave while he's still crying.

Part of his sleepy words is humming a song, so we used to settle him by rehumming the song, but he would just ask for it over and over again. So, we've stopped humming when returning to his room. Just sleeping words and blanket and stuffed animal now.

DH has always been the primary person who helps DS when he has sleep troubles. Now that DS can talk a lot more than before, DS is crying for me the whole time. So, I've tried being the helper, but it always seems to get worse and the length of settling him lasts a lot longer than when DH does it. We've tried to make sure that we are doing the same things, but DS still responds differently. Should we just keep DH as the helper or should I take over?

[anna*]

Does he go to sleep OK at naptime? It is only at bedtime all this nonsense is going on? I would wake him up at 7.30am tomorrow and get onto your old routine. It might be that going in to him so frequently is making him more upset, I would try staying outside his bedroom door. Have the door open just a couple of inches and speak to him through the door. Just repeat your sleepy phrase (not constantly - just when he is super upset) and say shush shush... mummy is here... etc. I'd give meds an hour before bedtime just in case his molars are giving trouble. As to whether you or DH put him down, I don't think it matters, just don't change because DS is crying for it. Whoever is convenient, is who should put him to bed.

[aMei]

He fights naps too. He didn't fall asleep until 4:45pm today. So another thing he started doing today was that after we leave the room, he would be standing up, but either barely crying (sounds like mantra) or not crying at all. Should we be going in? One time we didn't go in for about 45 min and he was just playing on his own and calling out for us every once in a while, not sounding/looking distressed at all.

About 30min into trying to put him down for nap, ds got it into his head that he wanted milk. He continued to ask for it for the next 2 hrs before we finally gave in and gave him some. Only then did he finally go to sleep. We refused because he had gotten some milk right before nap, so we didn't think he needed it. He's the type of child that once he gets something stuck in his head, he doesn't give up/in. He gets his stubbornness from both of his parents.

Thank you for all your suggestions. We will definitely get him back on his original EASY tomorrow. Didn't know we could just change it with out doing it gradually.

[anna*]

I hope today goes well. If he's standing/playing just leave him to it, you only go to him if he is really crying and upset. If he doesn't fall asleep for his nap within an hour, just get him up and do early bedtime instead.

[aMei]

Just wanted to let you know that things are getting better. DS is still crying out when we leave the room, but takes just one WI/WO for him to settle. Last night was the first night without NWs. Thank you for your help and support!