9 months, still up at night?

[first_time_mommy]

Ok, so bear with me here.  We are dealing with some serious night issues.  J is waking up 3-4 times a night, and we really don't know what to do.  A huge problem is that at daycare, they don't monitor how long he has been up, so we can't seem to get on track.  WE seem to be in a constant loop of being OT to the point of exhaustion and then he finally sleeps, only to start the cycle again.  Here is a typical day:
Wake 4:45am
BF at 6:30, solids at daycare around 7:45.
S 9-9:30 (yes, that is a nine.  they refuse to put him down earlier, claim that he "just crawls around")
BF 11, solids at 12
S-1:15-1:45
snack around 3
BF 3:45
S 4:15-4:45 sometimes he will think it is nighttime, and I have to wake him for dinner
E 5:00solids,
BF 5:45
S 6:00
I know our problem is daycare and the lack of sleep he gets there.  Is there any hope for us?? I was very scheduled with my daughter, who is a fantastic sleeper.  I have tried to talk with them over and over again and there is no change.  We do not have another provider, there is extremely limited daycare in our town, we are on 4 different waiting lists.  Can anyone offer a suggestion for anything WE can do at home to help him??  Our nights are slowly deteriorating and although he has been able to keep a good schedule on the weekends (am nap of 30-60 min and pm nap of 1.5-2 hrs) last weekend, his day was like a daycare day. My fear is that there is nothing we can do.  Help?

[Skadiver13]

Hi hun I just wantes to pop on and say I will be able to reply a bit later today having computer issues and its hard to type on my phone but you aren't being ignored. ((Hugs))

[Skadiver13]

A huge problem is that at daycare, they don't monitor how long he has been up, so we can't seem to get on track.  WE seem to be in a constant loop of being OT to the point of exhaustion and then he finally sleeps, only to start the cycle again. 

^^ Do they not have set naps times for the little ones? How do their nap times work? Is there anyway you can take off work one day and just stop in when their supposedly supposed to put him down earlier and see what's happening. If they aren't even trying then I would have a serious talk with the owner.

As for the waking at 4:45 what do you do at that point between 4:45 and BF at 6:30? Is there a reason he's only having such short naps during the day? do they not provide a space for longer naps? Sorry for the questions just trying to understand what their processes are.

What do your days look like on the weekends?

[first_time_mommy]

Thanks for the replies...
So, they say that they "follow the cues of the baby" as far as naps go.  We've tried telling them to keep him up for 3.5 hrs, but they can't seem to keep an eye on the clock. A major problem is that it is one room  that he is in and all the babies eat, sleep, and play in one room.  So, if another baby is up playing, they are literally 5 feet from where he is trying to sleep.  They say that they put him down when we ask, but that he often doesn't fall asleep until an hour later.  His naps there are almost always 25-30min.  In my opinion, he is exhausted and then wakes up and cries, so they get him up and let him play so he won't wake up anyone else.  I wrote a letter to the woman in charge and received back a letter that essentially stated that "they are at a 4:1 ratio" and they were "doing all they could to meet my demands".  It is doubtful that they are going to be the solution in this problem.

When he wakes at 4:30, we leave him in his crib.  I check his diaper to make sure it isn't wet and cold.  I change it if needed and back to bed he goes.  If I have just fed him (like at 3 or so)I leave him until he begins to scream, (sometimes he will fall back asleep).  If he hasn't eaten all night, I will feed him and hope he falls back asleep.  If not, then I take him downstairs so he doesn't wake up his sister. 

Our weekends usually start with a bad Friday night, not quite sure why, but maybe because the week is so long?  He wakes early on Saturday (see above) he usually sleeps around 8:45-9:30 and goes down again 12:30-1:00 ish.  Half the days, he will take a good 1.5 or 2 hr nap.  Otherwise, he is up 30 minutes after and I try to let him resettle.  If he isn't resettling, I rock him back to sleep.  We feed at the same time as during the week.  Bedtime is also the same.  For the first 2 months of daycare, he consistently did a 1.5-2hr nap AM and PM both days.  We watch for tired cues but are starting to see a shift to 30 minute naps in the past 2 weeks.  I think his body is just getting used to not ever getting good naps :/