Will it be kinder to just move to more bottles?

[cuckoochick]

First off, I will say that I really don't want to give up BFing but I'm at a loss really. With C when I went back to work, things were much easier. She was STTN, on a great EASY but G is still all over the place. I am exhausted and due back to work in two weeks.

With C, I always just fed when I was home and she had formula when I was at work. I didn't pump at work but everything worked out fine and we had no supply issues whatsoever. But I'm back at work in two weeks and now I have a longer working day, longer commute to work and in the second week back I'm going to have parents' evening where I'm not going to get home until after 8pm so that will be over 12hrs without feeding her plus so far G has refused a bottle at BT. I just feel like I'm barely going to see her and that perhaps it would be kinder to her to switch to FF. I know legally I should be given time, space to express but in reality it's just not going to work like that. I'm on my knees now and am not even back to work yet so I know psychologically I just can't so the whole pumping at work. It doesn't help that I'm ill right now and really tired but G is still so hit and miss with taking formula, I just don't know what to do.

What do you think? I don't really want to give up BFing but I'm just worried it's not going to work out well this time.

Thanks

[Shiv52]

Hugs Nic xxx

I think don't make any decisions when you are sick and tired and with work looming over you YK?  I would go back to work with an open mind. I would think once you've been back a couple of weeks you'll know better how things are going to go. I think not giving up BFing is going to benefit you longer term as it will give you some snuggle time with her after work and weekends etc YK?  I think once you're at work she will take the bottle better as she will be hungrier and you're not a back up YK? 

[~Karen~]

Hugs sweetie.  I was in the same position with Amy as went back to work when she was 8 months.  Although she was on a good routine and feeding well, I just didn't want to put the pressure on myself to try and express for the days I wasn't going to be around.  I only went back to work two days a week but they were 10 hour days with 2.5 hours of travelling and really didn't want to get into the whole expressing at work as it really wouldn't of been practical.  I was happy that I'd exclusively breast fed her for 6 months and although I wonder if I could of carried on feeding her, I think I made the best decision at the time x

[Shiv52]

I meant to say I wouldn't entertain pumping and know in my job practically it would have been a nightmare logistically YK? I think things will even out once you are working and if not you'll be doing bottles half the week so the transition will be easier.

But think of you Hun. If it's one more thing that is going to feel like a pressure then maybe bottles is kinder for you.  I would wait to decide though until you are back as I think if it goes better than expected and you see times in the week where actually BFing would have worked you may well regret giving up too soon.

Hugs hugs hugs

[Roseii]

I don't know if it helps but with dd1 at about 9/10 months and working I just did the morning feed and she had bottles the rest of her feeds, no supply issues or confusion. X

[cuckoochick]

Thank you ladies.

Shiv you're right that now probably isn't the best time to make the decision. I really don't want to give up BFing. Don't get me wrong there's been many days this time around that I've thought about FFing but G is going to be our last and I just feel cross that it's my work that makes me feel like this.

Most days I'll be able to do morning and BT feed but she's just such a tricky customer. We are still v early on with introducing bottles so she may get better but I doubt she'll ever take one from me, neither did C. She wouldn't take one from MIL when I left her last week so she doesn't make these things easy. Little tinker! She loves BFing and I know that I'm worried about giving up a sure fire way of getting her to sleep too I am just so exhausted all of the time and my life is about to get ten times busier and more complicated. Just feeling sorry for myself today. DH was a star last night and I got into bed at 7:30. He managed to resettle G at 10:30-11:30pm when no doubt I'd have fed her. She then slept until 2am and had a feed and then again at 5. Apart from those two feeds I was in bed for 12hrs and still feel completely wiped out. Sickness bug last week and now some weird sort of virus in my last two weeks of maternity leave...sigh!

I guess as well, v few people at work seem to understand BFing beyond the first few months so the new structure of parents evening which was introduced it wouldn't have even crossed anyone's mind that it's going g to be difficult for me. People thought it v weird that I was feeding C beyond a year and after about 14mos I just didn't admit to it!

[shivi]

huge hugs Nicola.

My job has gone from bad to worse over the years and even though (with lots of rescheduling, locking myself into cupboards and fights with my boss and HR manager) I was easily able to pump from when Ozzie was 4 to 10 ish months twice a day for 15 mins as I ate my lunch or had a cup of coffee, I still had no support, no understanding from colleagues who had also BFed etc etc. as they fed all night long or had given up before going back to work, or took 2 yrs off etc etc...

By the time I went back after Emma, I had no breaks to do this whatsoever, no time, loads more paperwork etc etc but as she was a little older, it was more doable (she was heading for 8 mths). She'd never taken to the bottle either. Still though, I knew I could do the am feed everyday, some kind of afternoon feed and bedtime and DF so she just ate solids and drank water all day long. But all day meant me feeding her 6.30am, back at home at 4.30pm, 5pm at the latest. These days it would be later...

If I had a LO now - in "this" climate of outstanding schools and wrecked teachers, well, I am sure I would be just like you and wondering about it all...but I wouldn't intro more formula just yet...things may all just fall into place when you're back. Some days she'll need more bottles, some less....

I would not change anything around for now. You're sick and not in a good place. So hard to go back midyear. And parent's evenings just after you go back? Blah!

Huge hugs xxx

[weaver]

The two Shivs have it covered, I think.

Give yourself a break, Nic, don't try to make a big decision right now (sorry about the virus, yuck).  You may be surprised how things shape up when you're back.  G may adjust very well, particularly as she's just about starting solids now.  And wouldn't it be amazing if you could keep up BF *without* pumping.  There was a thread ages ago that had lots of stories about 'bottle-free' babies, and they all BF in all sorts of work circs and all sorts of routines, and it just worked.  They are much more flexible than we sometimes think. 

Just want to ask though, are you sure you're eating enough?  When I was feeling wrecked by BFing, it was always a sign that I needed to eat more/better, lots of protein, lots of carbs.  If you like peanut butter, the PB bagel was my lifeline.  Look after yourself.

Hugs.

[cuckoochick]

shivi it is the constant pressure and workload. I don't want to give up that feeding or the BT Bf at all because it is the most special time but I know my head, every night is going to be wishing her to hurry up already as I have this, this and this to do downstairs.

Anne- I'm eating plenty. Probably not always the right things but know I'm not drinking enough.

Going to try and get another early night tonight although I need to work on my CV before next week but that will have to wait unless I feel up to doing something for an hour or so tonight. DH was meant to finish work early today but has now been sent to photograph a football match so waiting on him to get back. I've just fed G to sleep as couldn't face a nap battle! One v good reason not to give up BFing right there!

[shivi]

There was a thread ages ago that had lots of stories about 'bottle-free' babies, and they all BF in all sorts of work circs and all sorts of routines, and it just worked.  They are much more flexible than we sometimes think. 

this - I never even would have thought of Oscar going bottle-free when I went back to work but actually by 7ish months, he was more or less as we had to drop the 11am bottle to get a good lunch and sippy of water into him before his long nap...and this took quite a while as he was a little guzzler!

This thought got me thinking Emma would be ok without (and she was even more the guzzler for solids - loved them from the get go).

As for the pressure  - I so get you there. I feel so sorry for my colleagues with younger LOs, everyday my heart bleeds for them. No matter how much homework/soccer tournaments/ballet recitals I have on my hands in a week/month these days, its nothing like those early days with a baby and a toddler/pre-schooler at home. Though weekends used to be "quieter" till football came along. Wouldn't give up seeing my boy score for my school though ;-) but YKWIM! Off topic sorry!

Huge hugs Nicola, hope the virus passes soon. They get easier too - promise - as the kids get bigger. We've had so many "maybe viruses" in this house this year and they've all passed so easily,

S x

[Erin M]

What Shivi said!  The second time I went back to work, Katie was 2 and Allie was 8 months!  She flat out refused all bottles at daycare and just did solids and water for the 9ish hours I was away from her every day.  I nursed morning, afternoon, and night until she turned a year and them that was about all I could do and we stopped.  I did enjoy the closeness for sure.  Like the others said, this is a hard time to make a decision -- if you want to leave formula while you are gone I wouldn't hesitate for a minute to do so! 

[Violet's mom]

Hugs!  I just went back to work myself and my stubborn LO has surprised me quite a bit with how flexible she is when I'm not around haha - so enjoy your last two weeks - she will adjust and she will be ok and you will be able to keep bf'ing when you want to.  It's tough going back!  Hugs your way and really just cherish this time - it will work out.