Good eater turned picky. Eugh.

[brummum]

Hey all, hoping someone of you would mind sparing the time to share your expertise! I posted this on the picky eaters supported thread but don't think anyone is active on there at the mo (am I the only momma struggling?!) so thought I'd start a new post. Here's what I wrote:

Hi, I can't believe I'm posting here! DS (2.5) has always been a great eater and I thought that was the one thing we weren't going to have an issue with but no..! I would really appreciate people sharing their approaches, at the moment I have stuck to making just the one meal and trying to keep the variety going although it is so hard not to stick to the things I know he will eat. I don't make him eat anything, I tell him he can get down whenever he's finished. What he's doing all the time at the moment though is pushing away his main meal and just wanting pudding (usually some version of yoghurt, rice pudding, custard, fruit etc..) so I have been saying he can have that if he has some of his main meal but otherwise he can get down if he wants. This always upsets him but I have been sticking to it whilst trying not to make it seem like a punishment you know. Otherwise I'm pretty sure he would live on yoghurt and fruit. It feels like I'm getting into a power struggle by doing that and I really don't want to make food an emotional/power thing.... I just don't know what else to do. I've tried having the conversation about needing to eat things in moderation to stay healthy and have energy to play but to be honest I think this goes over his head so it's hard for me to make this not seem like a punishment. Argghhh. Sorry rambling! Really interested in what other peoples approach is.

Can anyone share their thoughts? Is there a better way to go?

[creations]

Is it just his evening meal that he's being picky with or is it all meals?

[brummum]

Everything apart from breakfast (although occasionally will have a problem with this also) I don't think it's that he's genuinely not hungry because he will happily devour the stuff he definately likes (beans on toast, anything involving sausages!) and he will say 'l want lunch/dinner' or 'I'm hungry mummy' but when he gets up won't eat it and just wants the pudding.

[creations]

You could try giving him a small portion of the thing he wants (yoghurt, fruit) at the beginning of the meal or on the same plate as his meal to take away the idea of 'refuse this and get that' as he would be 'getting that' anyway. Beginning the meal with an appetizer of fruit or yoghurt might get his appetite up and inspire him to eat the rest of his meal. He may even like to use the yoghurt as a dip for other foods, veggies etc, although it's not our normal way of eating there's no harm in it for a picky phase.
And/or you could dramatically cut down on the snacks and fruit/yoghurt and explain to him that whilst those foods are still healthy it is not good for his body to eat only those foods and it's your job as his mummy to ensure he has a balanced diet.
I had a short phase of DS only wanting fruit, I didn't mind putting a few sultanas on his main meal plate as appetizer, it often led to eating the whole meal.  At worst though, when DS was very vocal about wanting fruit and not his meal I did as above, told him he couldn't have any and cuddled him through the frustration. It only lasted a couple of days.
hth

[brummum]

Thanks creations.. I will try letting him have a little of the fruit/yoghurt etc and see what happens. I have tried to have a talk with him about balancing different foods but I do think it goes over his head as I haven't found a simple enough way of putting it to him. I might try a visual way instead like a pie chart of the different food groups or something?

[Buntybear]

Sorry I don't really understand - could you just clarify? You are only making one meal and he isn't eating it? But he will eat sausages and beans on toast - you aren't making them? Maybe jot down a food diary for a couple of days and a list of the foods he will eat?

I wonder if it is a power/control thing with him at this age? Have you tried offering him a choice of dinners ie pasta or jacket potato so he is getting the chance to choose? Maybe jig dinner times up a bit now it is nicer weather with a picnic or even a carpet picnic if the weather turns.

[brummum]

Thanks I will try those suggestions. I do give him the things that are dead certs (eg beans on toast, sausages) but not all the time. I mean that I make him a meal but I don't make him something else if he won't eat it. This is for multiple reasons 1. I would be making 2 meals every time at the moment 2. He still wouldn't eat the second one unless it was one of the 'dead certs' 3. I don't think its really to do with the food itself, he pushes it all away without trying it and does it even with food he previously would eat.
I do think its a control thing yes. I'm struggling to deal with it though without it becoming a power struggle. I have been letting him have a little bit of yoghurt/fruit etc alongside his main but he is just eating that and still refusing anything else. Eugh. I hope that helps clarify?

[creations]

I have tried to have a talk with him about balancing different foods but I do think it goes over his head as I haven't found a simple enough way of putting it to him.

I use a range of different approaches with DS (I don't consider him a picky eater but we still talk about the importance of food, different food types, variety etc). For instance if I can think of what the food will enhance in him I tell him that, like foods that help his teeth and bones be strong or his brain more clever/faster or giving him energy to run faster or jump higher.  Not everything is strictly factual though. For instance we talk about eating a range of colours to stay healthy and how you can tell if you didn't eat different colours because your poo wouldn't be the right sort of brown lol  I don't think everyone would be encouraging poo talk at dinner though! I also told him meat with iron in makes him more like Iron Man.

[Buntybear]

Ah yes - makes perfect sense now 

I would def stick with what you are doing.

What I tried with Olly was just varying the things I know he liked. So Olly would only ever eat plain pasta. So slowly I would add chopped up foods to his pasta is cucumber that I knew he would eat if they were separately. Eventually I added a tiny amount of sauce and worked my way up. Took ages and he still isn't great with pasta with sauce but he will eat a tomatoey pasta now.

xx