2yr old waking once a night for a bottle STILL. How to drop the feed?

[malibu_nikkus]

Hi
I'm asking this question for a stressed  exhausted and pregnant mummy friend of mine. 
Her daughter is about 26mths.  They have tried to drop the last bottle in the night for ages with no luck.  Her daughter eats well during the day, but no matter what will wake about the same time for a bottle and will scream and not settle until she gets it (she is a spirited one!).  She still has a day nap for a couple of hours.  She won't go to sleep at night unless mummy is laying on the bed with her (they have always co slept).  Once asleep she is moved to her cot, sleeps soundly until she wakes for that damn bottle

Have you any advice for a beautiful, desperate mumma?
Now looking at the situation, I guess it's an IS issue really.  She is obviously wanting her bottle as a comfort because her mummy is no longer in her bed.  How do we help?

[jessmum46]

My feeling - just drop it.  Not sure there's another way with a toddler  . It will be hard and they will need some staying power, but it's a case of being the parent and dealing with the tantrum in the same way they would if for example DD asked for an ice cream just before dinner.  I'd suggest they spend time in the day talking to LO about how there will be no more bottles at night.  And then when she wakes I would just suggest mum or dad goes in and sits with the LO, comforting with words but seeing it through until she goes back to sleep.  Which she will eventually!

Are they ok with laying on the bed with her at BT?  Or are they wanting to stop that too?

[anna*]

Agree with Katherine, there's no magic method here. You just stop the bottle, and ride out the screaming. she won't scream forever!

[malibu_nikkus]

I spoke with her mum today and things have gotten worse.  She actually has to have a bottle to go to sleep.  She then woke every two hours last night crying for her bottle.  If she isn't given a bottle she will then want to touch her mothers breasts to help her sleep (she is still co sleeping.  They gave up on the cot idea). It's all a comfort thing.  I suggested dropping the first bottle of the night and going from there.  But when it's a comfort thing....I don't know, are there any other ways other than just going cold turkey and making her scream? Gradual approach? 

[jessmum46]

Not really.....there isn't a no-cry solution for toddlers.  Not saying this in an unsympathetic way, I know it will be hard, but her parents need to stop being held prisoner by their toddler.  It's a battle of wills, and they need to win, not give in.  Seeing the crying as a tantrum will help. She isn't in pain, she isn't scared (because mum is right there), she is just angry that she is not getting her bottle.  Honestly, I think cold turkey is the kindest way.  Saying yes sometimes and no at others is confusing, and will make it much harder work every time they try to say no.  Do they want to continue co-sleeping?  If not, they could cold-turkey get rid of the bottles whilst continuing to co-sleep, then use gradual withdrawal to get her sleeping in her cot.  The BWSAYP book would be a good place to start for some examples of similar situations, also the link here about GW (ignore the info on WIWO) Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE)

[malibu_nikkus]

Brilliant.  I'll get the tissues ready.  It's hard.  Thanks heaps for your advice!