Nearly 3yo still not STTN! At breaking point

[sandrawoodruff]

OK, so I have resigned myself to the fact that I will probably never have a decent nights sleep ever again but I'm struggling to function with continued sleep deprivation which is affecting all my relationships as I'm constantly so tired and irritable with zero patience.

My 20 mo has rarely STTN, she has a good (as in regular) routine, is in bed for 7/7.15pm and generally settles without a problem.  The latest phase is bad dreams whereby she goes from sleeping to screaming in a milli second, and not just once either.  we have been through the teething, potty training and separation phases, alongside illness, bereavement and returning to work etc etc over the last year but   just feel i am running out of reasons to justify or excuse her lack of sleep now.  A bad dream is one thing but waking 4 and 5 times every night at almost 3 yo is surely extreme?

I know that OT makes NW much worse so always avoid late nights but now it seems she is compensating deep sleep for lunchtime nap.  She goes to nursery one day a week and naps for 1-1.5 hours there although at home goes 2-2.5hours easily.  i think we are now in a situation where she sleeps badly at night so needs to catch up next day which is becoming a repetitive cycle.  How long should a lunchtime nap be and how can i change the deep sleep to night time?  if i cap nap she is OT at bed time it seems

My other problem is she shares a room with younger sibling who also gets disturbed so we cant always wait to see if she will self settle

The day is approx as follows:-
wake 6-6.30
8.00 breakfast
9.30 snack
12.00 lunch
nap-varies, anything begween 1-3 hours, I've tweaked galore!
2.30 snack (if awake)
5.00 tea
6.15 bath, potty, story etc
7.00 bed

sorry to vent I am just desperate for someone to tell me what to do to fix this once and for all - can anyone help me please?

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

I think the long naps are keeping you in a repetitive cycle...to ut to sleep properly all night and the ot and needing a nap. Personally I would probably cap the nap and do an ebt and maybe keep them set for a bit to see how things even out.

Just curious though...the nw's, could they possibly be night terrors? That is a whole other ballgame.

[clazzat]

Is she nearly 3 or is she 20 months?  There's quite a difference in what I would expect from those ages, so it is hard to say whether the routine is appropriate.

[Katet]

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Is she nearly 3 or is she 20 months?  There's quite a difference in what I would expect from those ages, so it is hard to say whether the routine is appropriate.

Yes a bit confused as you mention both ages in your post


Neither of my boys were overly good sleepers. Both had improvement when they dropped their naps. DS2 dropped his around 3yo, which gave us some 4.30pm bedtimes, which ironically were always the best ones with him sometimes sleeping 14/15 hours.

My DS1 was a fair bit older when he started having night terrors where he'd be hysterical at night & we eventually traced it back to foods that he'd eaten that day. So it might be worth looking at if there is a diet factor. The other thing we worked out was DS1 & asthma, it took a few years before we realised allergies were also a factor & that asthma medication did help his night waking too.

[jessmum46]

Does she go to sleep independently? How do you respond when she wakes at night?

[sandrawoodruff]

Thanks for all the replies.  Sorry for confusion over age (classic example of how i'm struggling to function?!) to clarify she will be 3 in Jan so currently 33 months.

She does go to sleep independently, thats not usually a problem.  When she wakes usually just a gentle soothe and a rub on the back is enough unless there has been a bad dream when she sometimes asks for a cuddle which we give by the cot then lay her straight back down unless she asks for the potty.

What is a reasonable sort of nap time for that age?  And how many hours should I realistically be expecting at night?  I'm worried if I do EBT much earlier she will be waking way too early too or is that not how it works?  We already go up around 6/6.15 to begin bedtime routine so any earlier would be practically straight after tea, or should I shift that earlier too?

Thanks once again for any advice

[Mom-of-boys]

At that age, my DS started to drop his nap.  Every child is different, but after we dropped the nap, we usually woke up around 6-7 am and were sleeping by 6:45-7 pm.  This was a significant improvement of a year or more of mostly 10-10.5 hr nights, so we were happy about that.  So he usually got 11-12 hours of sleep total.  Although still if we have a busy day and are driving, he will fall asleep in the car.