How on earth do I do this with my toddler around?

[Sleepykaz]

DD2 is 4 weeks old and I'm trying to start healthy sleep habits early to avoid the problems we had with her older sister, who's just turned 2.

We tried ssh/pat for a couple of days but found it too time consuming with the toddler to look after. She follows E.A.S about 90% of the time but will only fall asleep being held, rocked or in the sling. But now she isn't in the sleepy newborn stage anymore she's finding it increasingly difficult falling asleep these ways unless it's totally quiet (which it never is with DD1 around). She gets so overtired and overstimulated and I'm dreading days on my own with the two of them.

Once she's asleep she sleeps really well, doing 3-4 hour stretches at night, and after being awake all yesterday morning she napped for 5 hours, poor thing must have been exhausted.

Bedtime is even more of a challenge as it always falls when I'm feeding the older one dinner so again she gets left to get OT and it then takes us 5-6 hours before she finally falls asleep for the night.

DH has bought an emergency pacifier which we've used a couple of times but I'd rather avoid that if I can.

I know she's still very young but how can I help her to fall asleep independently, and more importantly within the right A times? (judging by how she acts it's around 45-60mins)

[anna*]

TBH, when you've got a newborn and a toddler you have to just get by. Once baby is maybe about 12 weeks old she'll be better able to 'learn' independent sleep, and then you can arrange for a few days to have support on board to keep the toddler busy, and concentrate on sleep training. Can you put the baby in a wrap or sling so that she can sleep 'on' you without getting overtired? And I would totally use the paci if it helps, you can wean it later if it becomes a problem.

[*Ali*]

I gave ds2 a paci for just this reason. Zipped into a Woombie and sucking the paci he could often fall asleep in the basket himself by 3wo.

Do you think you are trying for a nap at the right time? How long is A time.

Also check this FAQ out Ideas for how to sleep train and deal with naps with #2

[Sleepykaz]

Thanks for the replies! Good to know that waiting til the 12 week won't hurt, think I just need to do whatever I can to survive until then!

Yes am using the sling quite often but even that sometimes doesn't work. We've tried the paci a couple of times in moments of desperation, she sucks at it for a couple of minute then spits it out, not sure if she likes it or not.

Reckon her A time is currently 45-60mins judging by when she gets cranky, although it often takes up to 1 hr 15mins til she's asleep. Will then have a 2-4 hour nap so I'm guessing that's about right.

[Sleepykaz]

So just to update, after days of unsuccessfully trying to get the newborn settled for a nap and ending up putting her in the sling because the toddler noise is too much for her, I've been doing the following today:

Feed
Nappy change
Short period of interaction
Back in sling (she falls asleep within minutes)

Despite a stretch of 3 better early bedtimes we're back to 4-6 hours of crying in the evenings with BT being as late as 11pm. Although I'd prefer it if she'd nap in her cot, am I right in thinking this new routine might eliminate the troubles we're having in the evening?

Also, what if she becomes too accustomed to sleeping in the sling and won't play ball when I try and sleep train her near the 12ish week mark?

[jessmum46]

We did all or almost all naps in the sling up to 11/12 weeks and transitioned to the crib with very few issues . If you do have problems then post here and we can help . But provided baby is well sleep training will work with patience and consistency, plus the right routine.

Evening troubles are very very common at this age and are not necessarily indicative of doing anything wrong.  A good routine and naps may help but if I'm honest, it may not.  I've see plenty of babies with 'perfect' routines who had awful evenings in the first few weeks.  It's a case of surviving it really, especially with a second LO.  Most babies have settled down considerably by 10-12 weeks so try not to put to much pressure on yourself to 'get it right' and just hang in there xxx

[*Ali*]

Can your DH have a go at just holding baby while he watches tv or whatever in the evenings?  We did lots of that when our newborns wouldn't settle in the evenings.

Hugs.  It gets better soon i promise.

[Sleepykaz]

Just a quick update - she's now 9 weeks old and for the past week she's been waking up every time I put her down. Doesnt matter if I wait 10, 20, 30 mins, warmed her bed with a hot water bottle etc. was really getting fed up of bedtime and night feeds taking 2 hours.

Was planning on starting some sleep training in the next week or so as suggested above, but yesterday I tried cuddling her until her eyes got droopy and put her in her sleepyhead. She doesn't seem to like shush/pat so I put my hand on her tummy and put white noise on. It worked! She fell asleep after about 15mins!

Did the same at bedtime and her night feed and it worked then too!

She's currently napping in the sling as my 2yo is at home today and I expect this will continue, but I will now be using this new technique at BT, for NWs and when my toddler is napping/at childcare.

Still early days so it might all change again but I feel like a weights been lifted and I just wanted to share what is hopefully a success story!

Thanks again for all the suggestions and advice!

[jessmum46]

Great news

[*Ali*]

That's good to hear. Well done you. So glad you're feeling happier.