2y 3m old is crying at bedtime and "scared of the dark"

[HPM1]

My LO has always been a great independent sleeper.  Last week he got a bit of a fright when the girls at playcentre were running around with their faces painted black and he keeps telling us the girls scared him. He brings it up often throughout his day without us mentioning it and it was almost a week ago. He started crying at bedtime that night and saying he was scared of the dark and wanted us to stay in the room with him. He wakes in the early hours crying out for one of us.  Then tonight he was almost inconsolable when we went to leave the room. I tried GW but not sure if I did it right. Eventually got to the door and sat there- told him to sleep from the door but as soon as I closed the door fully he lost it and was yelling for me to come back in the room. Went back in and patted his back and then sat next to the bed. He went to sleep eventually but took over 1.5hrs.  He was at one point ''reading a book" (in the dark), trying to engage me in a conversation, and not upset as long as I was sitting in the room.  It's getting harder to get him to settle for his daytime sleeps as well some days I have to go back in and resettle him with a gentle pat. 

His routine is pretty set in stone.
WU: 7am
Nap:12:30-2pm
BT: 8pm

I wake him at 7am and from his nap at 2pm. He would probably sleep longer at nap time if I let him.   We would really appreciate any help or advice.   Thanks in advance.

[Hedgehog17]

Make the dark fun!

Play with torches and glow in the dark toys in a darkened room during the day, use different colours over the torch to make patterns on the wall. My DS loves to put those battery operated push lights inside his colourful plastic cups to make different coloured lamps 

Fears are common at this age, so do what you can to show him that the dark can also be fun 

If he's messing about then tell him he needs to lie still and quiet or you will go and sit by the door. If he tries to talk just answer with 'shhhhhh' 

We've had a few phases of not settling, but managed to hold the line and do WI/WO or GW until it passed. If he is usually a good sleeper then that is a positive!

[HPM1]

Thanks for the reply. We've done that. I'm wondering if he needs to shorten his daytime sleep. Prior to the incident at playcentre he was taking a bit longer to go to sleep at night anyway.

[cath~]

^^ if he was having a bit of trouble/taking longer to settle even before  this incident then id def try shaving 15 mins off of his nap to see if that helps. (In addition to the things PP suggested as well).

Another option is to do BT 15 mins later.

[Buntybear]

Agree that he night need a change in routine if that one has ben around a long time! 15 mins may well do the trick 

I did find that at one point Olly did need additional light in his room. Maybe round that age. It used to be pitch black - now he has the door open with lights on outside AND a nightlight!

[HPM1]

Tried a later bedtime tonight. Made it clear we were going to brush teeth-pjs-book-kiss goodnight-bed!  Went over it at dinner time together. Worked out way through it at bedtime. Turned off the light and all is happy, sat on the end of his bed for 5minutes. Said I'd be back soon to check and walked out. Instant crying. Came back in sat on bed again (no words) and he stopped crying. Now I'm sitting in his doorway. Does it matter if I shorten sleep at the start of end of nap??  Trying that tomorrow.  Am I doing GW right?

[Jodes112]

Does he have a little night light?

My ds always slept in pitch black, blackout curtains and door shut but things did change when he started seeing things that he could be scared of, imagination kicks in & then he would be like your son. We got him a gro clock (also to help EW's & the light from the screen) and a very dim night light, and had to leave the door slightly open. I found the decision really difficult actually as i struggled with iy being a 'phase' and to ride it out but it didnt effect his night sleep what so ever, which i thought it would with being used to sleeping in the dark. I think DS was closer to 3 though at this point.

DD went through a 'dont turn light off' stage about 3/4 months ago (she was 2 in march) so we got her a gro clock & she sleeps perfectly fine with that dim light. Her door is closed though. I guess it gives them a sense of security. (They also use the gro clock so they know what time its ok to 'get up' or shout us, im a big fan of gro clock can you tell ha)

A dim night light is something to consider if you dont already have one. Also, ask him what would make him feel less scared? He would probably say he wants you there but you can then explain 'mummy has to go to bed too, but how about a little light? Would it help if we leave your door open a little instead of mummy sitting with you?'

Sometimes i get scared in the dark if ive watched a scary movie & only feel comfortable with my hubby next to me, and im an adult so i cant imagine how lo's feel when they have a genuine fear!

[Buntybear]

Yes - that is how I would do GW. Stay at the furthest point you can to give enough comfort - normally the doorway or outside if you can manage it.

Personally i always cut 15 mins off the start of the nap but that is because he would always refuse naps when his sleep needs changed.

[HPM1]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. I really do appreciate it. Jodes112 I think I was struggling with the same thing because I've always had him go down straight away close the door and don't hear a peep from him til morning. We've starting leaving the door open just a little so he gets some light from the bathroom. It's worked a treat!!  I've also shortened his daytime nap as suggested. This has been a bit harder on him I think (he was inconsolable yesterday on waking and walked himself back to bed. We had been at playcentre all day though so a very busy morning.

[Jodes112]

Yes my son was exact same, So glad things are working out a little better. Strange what their imagination can get up to! Must feel a little more secure with the door open!

Glad all is well

[cath~]

Pleased things are going better now