Help: 10 weeks and struggling

[babyscotland]

Hi guys, thank you in advance for any advise or help given.

Our baby boy is 10 weeks old, our first. We were clueless as parents when he was first born. It was a difficult birth for both of us ending in a emergency C-section and me in intensive care (I developed sepsis during labour). I am recovering well however for the first 8 weeks our boy was very unsettled - cried, sometimes inconsolably during the afternoon/evening. With very little knowledge of how to handle a newborn (apart from endless directions to "demand feed") we took to settling him any way we possibly could. That involved rocking, swaying, nursing, using a swing seat, car seat and a sling.

At about 8 weeks he became less "colicky" and settled more and I was beginning to feel better. Despite being told by my independent midwife that a newborn "will never stick to a routine" I decided that a routine was exactly what this baby needed. We had been through ups and downs on feeding but by changing my diet we got him feeding well. I bought the "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" book and got him onto a basic EASY routine which we are still working on. It is going alright he feeds around every three hours. However, sleep is a major problem. The two main areas are:

1. Night time.

He won't sleep without being rocked in the swing chair for around 2 hours. He is then transferred to the "sidecar" type crib we have next to the bed which is right next to me. Although it was recommended we opted out of co-slpeeping within 2 nights.

Three nights ago we tried PU/PD method. Baby went to sleep by himself after 2 hours but not before the entire house was screamed down. The next night it was 4 hours - it was dreadful but my husband really wanted to see it through and he is able to stand the crying much better than me.

I then got the other Tracey Hogg book and saw that PU/PD should not be used before three months so we are too early. It also says 4 months so I am confused on that point. is it 3 or 4 months?

So we then tried shush pat but he was still just as irate so in order for him to sleep and us to sleep and to stop the trauma we used the swing chair which took less time than usual. We are now trying shush pat again tonight but it is again going on for ages and lots of crying.

2. Naps

This is even more difficult! I do occasionally get him down in his crib but mostly I sling him for a couple of hours or take him in the pram and that way he gets the amount of sleep needed for each EASY cycle which makes him for less cranky - I'm at the point where if I can just get him a good quota of sleep any which was he is a happier baby.

As you can see we have created a difficult situation unknowingly although he was a distressed baby with "colicky" tendencies and some silent reflux and gas. It took everything we had to survive those first weeks. He is a cross between a touchy/spirited baby with a smattering of grumpy for good measure! 

So. Any help or advise would be gratefully received.  I like Tracey's books and having read a number of other sleep books in the last weeks hers make the most sense to me and I see a future for us using her methods.

Thank you again! Gillian xxx

[josephfc]

Hi Gillian. First of all massive apologies for getting your hopes up with this post, I'm not her to offer advice as I am also having some difficulty (with our second!)

 I did though want to just say that we had very similar problems with our first. He had reflux, was very colicky, would not nap or sleep without a dummy/bottle/vigorous rocking. It was truly dreadful and I felt responsible for his poor sleep habits. In a way I was because I let it continue until he was 8 months!

What I would say is that at 10 weeks it is still easy to fix. Young babies are very adaptable. Also, if you haven't heard it enough already, this will pass! That was our mantra last time and it is again with our lovely 11 week old daughter. Our son is now 3 years old and he sleeps like a champ. He is the most adorable, bright, funny little thing and his early colicky days did him no harm at all. You're doing your absolute best and that's the most important thing.

I'd also say, from my experience you should post your routine so whichever lovely expert can give you a quicker response!

I'm sorry for being overly gushing, I just had such a hard time with no1 in the early days and I wanted to share with you that it really does get better!!

[babyscotland]

Thank you so much for this, it is so reassuring to know that you too went through a similar experience. Before having a child I had no idea the challenges involved! It is so intense but so worth it when I see baby smile and giggle at me  so much joy. I will post the schedule here too and see if anyone can help, it is only approximate as we still haven't got into it exactly.

E 8am
A 8.20
S 9 (if possible, often will be mixture of S & A depending on if we can get him off to sleep. this is where the trouble lies)
E 11am
A 11.20
S between 12 and 1.30 (same as above)
E 2pm
A 2.20
S between 1 and 4pm
E 5pm
A 5.20
S 6
E 7
S 7.30 (this is where the attempts to get him to sleep start, usually asleep by 10pm, wake at 7.30 / 8am with 3 or 4 night wakings for food/suckling)

please help!

[trimbler]

Hey there, well first I should say that I'm no 'expert' so apologies if you were expecting one I'm just another BW like josephfc who's been where you are, albeit with different LOs, and can also testify that it does get easier So thanks, josephfc for posting your reassurance

So, caveats aside, welcome to BW And congratulations on your new LO, you really have been through a lot, glad to hear that things are beginning to settle down for both of you You're right, PUPD isn't really recommended until 4mo (although there is a version for 3mo but it's much more like shh pat really), but I did the same as you with my first, I only had the first BW book so didn't realise either. Actually, there are lots of reasons why PUPD may not be recommended, reflux included - although if it's under control ie no discomfort due to meds, then you could use it perhaps. But really shh pat is your first option, but as you have experienced it can also take a long time - this is normal. Tbh I would do exactly as you are doing, ie try shh pat for some naps and BT, and for the other naps use whatever prop is necessary to get him the sleep he needs, otherwise he could become OT and harder to settle and so the cycle goes on. Actually, I must confess that second time around, I used the sling for all but one nap per day (when I used shh pat), although I consistently used shh pat for BT. It does take time for them to get the hang of it, but if you look at it over a period of a few weeks, you should see that it starts to take him less time to get to sleep with you doing whatever you're doing to help, and then over the next few weeks you start doing less and less...until he settles himself without your help

Just a couple more things for now - is he medicated for the reflux? Have you inclined his cot at all? If he's in pain, then actually the best you can do for him is see, medical advice to get that sorted, and in the meantime give him all the comfort he needs and enjoy those sling snuggles

Lastly, what are you doing for his wind-down before sleep times? Just be aware that some LOs can be very sensitive to OS as well as OT, so keep an eye on what sort of stimulation he's receiving right before sleep times and try to make it as calm as possible for him.

Sorry gotta go now but hope that helps at all, even if only to let you know that what you're experiencing is normal and hang on in there and keep us updated about how it's going oh and just in case you haven't seen it... Shush-pat - How to

[babyscotland]

Thank you and sorry for the couple of weeks late reply! We tried sush pay but for some reason he just does not like it. The patting and the shushing seem to send him irate. We implemented a bedtime routine and an earlier bedtime which was good as it took less time to get him to sleep. But then he started to wake more often in the night! (every two hours) and he has started to wake earlier too! Gosh I'm finding this really tough to get right!!!

Any advice?

[trimbler]

Hi there, so sorry I've been away over Christmas, just home now and haven't been able to get on here, I think most of us are in the same boat over the holiday season so I'm sorry you haven't had a reply for all this time!

Glad you found an earlier BT helpful, at this age though things change so quickly, so would you mind posting a recent day, so I can maybe have a better idea of what might be going on? And a few brief answers to my questions above may also help I'm here now but have a lot to catch up on, but should reply more quickly than last time, at least