Starting EASY with 12wk old with reflux, help!

[Charliebear31]

Hello,
I had my first baby in Oct 2013 and started EASY when he was 8wks old. It took a lot of work and perseverance however, by 15wks he was in a great routine, sleeping through the night etc and now that he's a 2yr old toddler he's still in a great routine.
I've just had my second son however, he's had dreadful colic and reflux which has resulted in a very difficult first 3mths for him and for us! As much as I tried to loosely put some structure to his day, it tended to change on an almost daily basis due to the reflux. Despite my best intentions I think we've fallen into some accidental parenting traps in that we have to hold him and rock him to sleep for every single nap and also when he goes down at night to ensure he is fully asleep before laying him down. He turned 12wks today and the colic has all but stopped plus, he's on some prescription medication which has helped enormously with the reflux.  So, from tomorrow, I wanted to try to start to put a bit of structure to his day. I still have the routines that I used for DS1 around this age, he really was a 4hrly feeder from the start, as is DS2 so I'm not keen to start trying a 3hrly routine at this stage however if you think I should change the feeding times I'm open to suggestions!  My big question is really around napping, should I just put him down in his crib (he's really long and has already outgrown the bassinet and Moses basket!) and shush pat him to sleep? I'm sure he'll probably scream for the entire nap time so do I just continue regardless then lift him when it's over even if he hasn't napped? Also, the same question for night time, I'm usually upstairs in his room by 6.30pm, its quiet and dark etc, I feed him, wind him and then have to rock him until he is completely asleep. Do I also try shush pat and if so how long for, I suspect I could be doing it for hours? Should I stop and leave him for small amounts of time? I'm mostly worried about him waking his brother in the next room!
My last question is around A time. Again, from having reflux we've been holding him upright for 30/45mins after each feed to avoid the bottle coming back up! As a result, he goes nuts if we now try to put him down, be it in the rock-a-tot chair, the swing or on the baby gym mat. This is the worst thing for me as I literally cannot do a thing all day except walk around holding him! Again, should I just leave him to cry it out for short periods? I always feel like he's not getting enough naps during the day and is permanently OT. Either that or he is a "grumpy baby" based on Tracy's  baby types. He really does cry a lot!
From doing such a good job with DS1 I feel like I've really messed up with DS2 and hope it's not too late to get things back on track so that I have some amount of "Y" time each day. I'm feeling rather dejected at the moment.
Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance for your help.
This is the plan starting tomorrow but I know that every baby is different and what worked for DS1 won't necessarily work for DS2.

E 7am
A
S 8.30-9.30am
Y
E 11am
A
S 12pm
Y
E 3pm
A
S 4.45-5.30pm
Y
E 6.30pm
E 11.30pm

[Kimberlina]

Hey mama - I am so sorry. This is so hard. My DS2 had silent reflux, and it is a nightmare. Crying made DS2's reflux worse, so I fell into all sorts of AP traps.

Just a few questions/tips/tricks that helped us.
- Do you have his cot at an angle? My son has slept at an angle his whole life, and it makes a big difference for us.
- Are you interested in babywearing? I wore my son a lot, especially in the early days, and it helped no end. It meant that I kept him upright, he could sleep there if he needed it, but I could get of with my life too! I had a Moby, Solly Baby, Baby K'Tan (all of these are stretchy wrap carriers), and now use a Tula (a soft structured carrier)
- Have you ever used or heard of Colic Calm? It is homeopathic colic relief drops. (Are you in the US? You can buy them at CVS or if you're UK you can get from Amazon) They are quite expensive - about $20 a bottle - but they are worth their weight in gold! Helped no end! Still use them now if he's gassy! I found that if he was stopped up any further down his digestive tract, it makes him more prone to have it come out the top.

For myself - I wouldn't just let him CIO... Now, CIO is a lot different to "mummy has to put you down for a bit whilst I put some laundry in the machine", etc. But leaving him to cry for a while to hope he sorts himself out to sleep is not promoted by Tracy or the forums here. That would be considered Controlled Crying (CC) or Cry it Out (CIO). It is our belief here that this is not in line with Tracy's teachings of Calm / Connect / Communicate.

Mama - it is NOT TOO LATE! You can definitely do this. It is not always going to be as hard at this.

[Charliebear31]

 Hi Kimberlina, thanks so much for your reply. I'm actually based in Ireland, not the US 
To be honest, I feel that the reflux issue is pretty much under control now, he's on prescription medication (Losec) twice a day which neutralises the acid in his tummy plus, we add a thickener to his formula which stops it from refluxing back up. This combination seems to have really worked. And yes, I do have his crib elevated. My issue now is how to break the bad habits we got into while the reflux was bad, holding up upright for long periods after feeds etc. I also did use a sling for a while but am not keen to start using it again as I found it really hurt my back.
I put him down in his crib for his first nap this morning and did shush pat for almost the entire time, 1hr! I then lifted him and will soon feed and put him back down for his next nap, a longer one but I'm guessing it will be the same scenario. I honestly can't remember what I did with DS1 but I think I just stuck to the EASY routine, regardless of whether he actually slept during his naps or not, and eventually the penny dropped and he starts to actually sleep after a few mins of shush pat. Should I do the same with this guy? Or should I use a phased approach, in other words, put him down and try shush pat for the day time naps but for night time (for now) continue to rock him to sleep and then put him down? I can just imagine him going all day and all night with zero sleep!
Thanks again for your help.

[becj86]

Just wondering about the routine - is there a reason the A time are all over the place? 2.5hr A after a 1hr nap is a LOT for a baby of 3 months and will likely result in OT anyway. Are you aiming for a 1hr nap or is that what's happening?

At this age, its totally ok to have him almost asleep in your arms, pop him into the cot and continue singing or patting or both until he settles off to sleep. He's very little still and with the reflux, you really don't want him to tense up his little tummy with lots of crying even when medicated. This is more of a gradual withdrawal method and is probably more time consuming but I think will be more effective for you with your LO in the long term and hopefully less frustrating and less painful short-term.

[Charliebear31]

Thanks for your response. I agree there's too much A time but I'm struggling to find an example of an EASY routine that would be better? Is there anyway you could post one with less A time that I could try?
Thanks again!

[becj86]

Typically, an A time of 1.5hr is average at this age, increasing to 2hr at 4 months, so be ready to increase by 15min every 2 weeks.

Basic routine to start from:
7 - wake, feed
8:30 - nap
10 - wake, feed
11:30 - nap
1 - wake, feed
2:30 - nap
4 - wake, feed
5:30 - catnap (45min - go in and watch LO around 40min and as he stirs, wake him so its a more gentle waking and there's less crying)
6:15 - wake as above, feed, start BT routine for asleep in bed at 7/7:15.

If he's been going to sleep with shush/pat in the moses basket previously, I'd think it'd be fine to do that when putting him in the crib.

[Charliebear31]

Thank you so much! Will try to get this going over the next few days. He's prob not far off what your suggesting so I'm hoping it's a relatively easy(ish!) transition!