When can we realistically expect newborns to learn independent sleep?

[LittleSplasherMum]

Hi there, looking for some wisdom from you experienced ladies 

My ds2 is nearly 3 weeks old and he's been on EASY since day 3, when my milk came. He's a great feeder, only takes 10/15 mins but he's putting weight on fine and can go easily 3 hours between feeds, sometime a bit longer at night.
We've been teaching him to sleep independently from the beginning really (apart from the obvious nap out and about). At first he was doing really well, so I think I had my hopes up a bit too soon. Now he takes him at least 30 mins to fall asleep on his own and needs lots of help (shushing, patting, dummy, whatever helps calming him down). The last couple of days he didn't go down at all for his last afternoon nap (the catnap) and went down only after feeding him at bedtime (8 yesterday, 7 today). I don't normally feed to sleep, but he just passed out 

Am I being unrealistic here? I know Tracey says in the book they will probably get there by 4-6 weeks at best. What is your experience?
I haven't found any success stories for newborns this young. With my ds1 we didn't start EASY till 4 weeks I think, and independent sleeping by 6 weeks, so I can't really compare the two.

Thanks!!

[michaeljacknnugg]

I may not be the best example here, but we are just getting there now at 6 months! He's not an easy baby wrt sleep though, and we've had disruption due to outgrowing his crib, developmental leaps etc.

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

I think a lot depends on temperment and also where they are developmentally (ie is there a gs going on?). My oldest was spirited but textbook for sleep - I did rock her for the first few months but stopped that rather easily. My other two not so much (but then also had other kids to fit around!). DD2 needed assistance in various forms until 6/7 months and DD3 I don't remember - we went back and forth between props and independent sleep lol.

(Oh and I totally fed my kids to sleep at bedtime only for the first few months - basically until it didn't work anymore! Never created a prop at all.)

[Scottishmummy]

Some do fall asleep more easily in first couple of weeks as they have newborn sleepiness but then "wake up" after that and need more help to sleep as they are more stimulated by their new world.

Agee with PP about temperament.  My DS ("touchy") needed APOP-ed to sleep until 4-5mo when we sleep trained. My DD ("textbook") started self settling around 6-8wks but it was still inconsistent until 3-4mo.

My understanding is the BW books don't expect newborns to learn independent sleep so young but gives techniques for helping them to sleep (sh-pat) that are relatively easy to wean them off when they are ready.

[*Liz*]

6 months to be properly independent for all 3 of mine. Various issues/ props along the way with all 3 (dependent on kids issues/ personality).

[Martini~]

4 months, after sleep regression, ditching swaddle and dummy. Only for two naps, third and in later age second one was often apoped.

[creations]

I would expect there to be a real mix of experiences here. Some people may have started the EASY routine from day 1 and LO has been independently sleeping at around 6 wks or so whilst others might have started day 1 and still have props many months later because not everyone will purposefully sleep train from those early days/weeks.

I'm sure we had a similar-ish question a while back and I seem to remember some starting from day 1 and LO being independent pretty early on but I'm not sure that I remember any younger than about 6 wks.

I set about gentle and gradual sleep training from day 1 (read that as "had a goal") although I did not discover BW books and EASY until LO was 4 wks.  The method I'd used until then was Harvey Karps 5s (from the Happiest Baby on the Block although I also had not read that book, it was just his calming method I used really, it's very similar to Tracy's 4s) and I had a general goal to get DS to sleep at least part of his nap without being held/rocked/patted.  I really don't remember exactly when it happened but I think around 6 ish weeks or between 6-8 weeks he was self settling.

We've been teaching him to sleep independently from the beginning really (apart from the obvious nap out and about). At first he was doing really well, so I think I had my hopes up a bit too soon.

As your LO is under 3 wks old I would have a guess that he had a week or two of the new born sleepy phase where they barely seem to be awake so it can well look like independence is on it's way, but then they "wake up" and just generally become more alert and harder to calm and sooth.
 

[Martini~]

Haha Creations I would bet in your case it was 10 weeks. You answered my first posts on easy forum and I remember your story about starting at 4wo and being master at 10. I was counting days until this magic number will come LOL:))). Stupid me:))).

[~Karen~]

Oh totally depends on the baby!  Ds2 pretty much from day 1.  Ds1 about a year!

[ireneasheard]

Ds 1 - started EASY when he was 8 weeks old (textbook baby). Was self settling after a few weeks - slept through at 11 weeks. Ds 2 is currently 8 weeks old, has been on EASY since he came home from hospital. Self settling since he was around 6 weeks old. Not to say no help needed ever but definitely self settles and at 8.5 weeks he is doing very well. (Touchy baby). He's sleeping 5-7 hour stretches at night, they are all so different and do things when they are ready. It definitely isn't a race, we are just going at our own pace 

[LittleSplasherMum]

Thanks for all your replies, I'm feeling better now, although sleepless night yesterday, so long nap in sling this morning!  I'm still not sure about this lo's temperament yet. My ds1 is a touchy/angel and he starting doing well from 6/7 weeks. DS2 is definitely feeding better and seems calmer (i.e. doesn't always cry when he wakes), so will carry on doing our best and see what happens! 

[creations]

Haha Creations I would bet in your case it was 10 weeks. You answered my first posts on easy forum and I remember your story about starting at 4wo and being master at 10. I was counting days until this magic number will come LOL:))).

Sorry you were counting the weeks!!!
It was definitely before 10 wks, I can remember have a few weeks (2? 4?) when it was almost bliss putting him down for nap.  10wks sticks in my mind for a different reason - it was because he decided he was never going to nap in the family room in his travel cot ever again. 3 days of refusing to nap and just crying at me and then I decided that as he was still going down perfectly at BT I would try him upstairs in his night bed (hammock) and he cried until he was in there and instantly stopped, smiled and went to sleep!  I had a massive panic then as no monitor set up to listen out for him so I spent 2hrs nap time stressing out about that!!
Independent sleep does not mean not worry, not for me anyway, just different worries!!
Of course at 14 wks he hit the 4 month sleep regression so even though he still SS his naps were awful, 40 mins

[ireneasheard]

I did the quiz for baby type at 2 weeks then again at 6 weeks. Definitely a touchy baby but partly textbook too which was interesting. I think my babe became a lot more contented and textbook like after settling into life at home. They change so much in the first few months! Glad to hear things are going a bit better xo

[Lana]

when I think back now both my boys did go to sleep on their own at the start!  then we had all the visitors and such that held baby for ages and they do get used to that.  sleep is an ongoing process but totally worth all the work in the end!