6 week-can't sleep in the bassinet-self settlement help needed for exhausted mom

[needasleepingangel]

Hi All,
I am a newbie here and this is my first post. I have a 6 weeks old DD, and a two and a half years old DS. I am EBF.

We started EASY for DD at 2 weeks old. For the first two weeks(3rd and 4th week), we can put her down to sleep for most of daytime naps after 20 minutes when she's in deep sleep. Then between her 4th and 5th week, she got stuffy nose and had trouble sleeping on her back during naps. I started to let her sleep in the carrier in upright position. And after a week, we got two problems:1) Very difficult to put her down to nap anymore; 2)her nap is always 45 minutes long.

We have tried the following:
1. Shh-pat during naps (and at night as well) when she is sleepy but awake, but it never worked. She just keep crying and screaming.
2. Pacifier not helping, as she never liked it, just spit it out. (My toddler never liked it either when he was a baby.)
3. Sensitive to light, even holding her in my arm to sleep doesn't work well. She just keep wiggling and looking around. I have tried to darken the room during her naps but it didn't work too well since there is still some light going through the edges. I will try to completely darken the room to see if it helps.
4. White noise helped a bit, but she can't fall asleep by herself using this.

I only succeed in putting her to sleep in the carrier. And I have to carry her until about 20 minutes after she is asleep. Then I can try to put her in the bassinet. Sometimes when I successfully put her down, she sleep for about 20-25 minutes until 45 min mark. Sometimes, when I am unsuccessful and she becomes awake crying, I have to start all over again.

She used to have one or two long naps a day (never had 3 long naps a day), but now very difficult to get even one. And I have to help her sleep again after each 45min mark --meaning at least another 20minutes carrying her to deep sleep and another try to put her down. I tried to just let her wake up to feed at 45min, but then she's extremely sleepy and couldn't eat well.

To lengthen her nap, I started trying to do EAEAS yesterday and still waiting to see the result. Very unfortunately, she started to have reflux yesterday afternoon, that's another reason I started EAEAS. Maybe she is not feeling well, her night sleep yesterday became disaster. I feed her 1:40am, 3:20am, and 4:30am as I couldn't soothe her otherwise and I don't know whether it was her 6 week growth spurt. Since she is so sleepy this morning, I fed her at 9:20am and she just fell asleep in my arm right afterwards. It is very difficult to do EAS, not to mention EAEAS. 

I am so exhausted and I barely had time for myself even to eat! Someone please help me.  I really want to know what else I can do to encourage her sleep in the bassinet. I am not a fan of CIO.

a sample (good) day:
E 3:25am: eat 20 min (this is rare, usually 10 min)
E 6:13am: eat 10 min and back to sleep again until 7:57am
A 7:57: 30 min
S 8:32: 30min
E 9:15: 25min including burping in between
A 9:40: 25 min, diaper, tummy time, looking around, swaddle
S 10:10: asleep at 10:25, 10:50 in bassinet, wake up at 11:10, 11:35 sleep again in carrier, 11:52 in bassinet, 12:25 wake up (this is already great since she slept in bassinet twice this nap)
E 12:29pm: 40 min including burping
A 1:10pm: diaper, tummy time, showing around
S 1:39: 1:50 asleep, 2:15 in bassinet and wake up in one min or two, sleep again in a minute, 2:40 put down again and failed, wake up and cry and can't sooth anymore
E 3:07: 40 min including several burping
A 3:47: diaper, tummy time(spit up), gym
S 4:05: 4:35 fell asleep(difficult this time)
E 5:54: 40ish min, slowly eating
A bath, massage
S catnap 35 min
E 8:00pm: dream feed
E 11:00pm: dream feed

other days are similar, we try to keep 3-hour EAS following baby's cue rather than clock.

PS: Above was a good day since she finally had one 4-hour stretch at night. But it lasts only for 3 days. Last night, feed almost every 1.5 hour possibly because of reflux issue.

Please give me some help. Thank you very much, fellow moms!!

[jessmum46]

(((Hugs))), everything you are describing is just so normal for a 6 week old Although Tracy was very much of the mindset of 'start as you mean to go on', having been through it twice with mine I do think there is some truth in the idea of the '4th trimester'.  Just think about it - your LO has been held, rocked, carried for a whole 9 months, asleep and awake, and then all of a sudden we expect them to sleep on a hard cold surface all on their own.  It's not surprising they struggle!  Add to that reflux and it becomes a whole different ball game.  Honestly if she is bothered with pain from reflux then I wouldn't even try for bassinet sleeps at all right now - make use of the sling, chat to your doctor about whether the reflux needs medicating, and have a look over on the reflux board for some info specific to babies with reflux.  There's a good link in the FAQs about sleep and the reflux baby - let me know if you have any issues finding it.  Babies don't *have* to sleep in the bassinet - yes the foundation of EAS is independent sleeping but equally listening to your baby and responding to their individual needs is just as important.  Holding your LO for sleep now doesn't mean you will have to forever - DS slept in the sling until 10 weeks or so almost all naps but was happy in his bed by 4 months and it wasn't a particularly tough transition when he was ready   So I guess overall what I'm saying is get the reflux checked out first, and make sure she's comfortable, and then just try to shift your expectations slightly to something that is realistic for right now.  You've got an older one to care for too and obviously can't be spending all day long doing shh pat.  There has to be some compromise - for me just accepting I would AP sleeps for the first few weeks to make sure I was able to devote attention to my older DD and help her with the big change in her life made it all seem more manageable xxx

[needasleepingangel]

Thank you so much for your reply, jessmum. It is so encouraging reading your story and hopefully my DD can be happily in her crib sometime too.

Her reflux is not too serious, and probably because I had some milk that morning. And she seems ok now. 

Just wondering how you helped your DS sleep in his bed by 4 months old. Would you please share your experience? Did you do shh-pat to help him sleep at that time? Do you think I should still try to put her down for naps, maybe once or twice a day, or is it just better to carry her in the sling? TIA!

[Sorbai]

Just want to share a thought... when my baby was that little I prrtty much held her for all of her naps esp if I wanted one longer than 45 min. But I didn't want her to be a stranger to the crib so once she passed 1 hr 15 min or 1 hr 30 min nap I would put her down in her crib. Shed sleep for anywhere from 5-30 min more, not Sure if there was a specific reason to how much longer she slept but I tried to do it with no expectations or goals other than she should know that sometimes sleep happens in the crib. As she got older I would put her down for the first stretch of sleep in her crib and hold after the 45 min wake up togive her a long nap.

[jessmum46]

Glad the reflux is ok   And thank you Sorbai for sharing your story

With DS from around 7-8 weeks I gave the opportunity for a crib nap once per day.  Usually the first one of the day, but whenever fitted in.  I decided that with an older DD I just couldn't spend ages getting him drowsy, calm, etc etc so did a short winddown (just lights off and cuddle & song in the dark) and put him down fully awake.  Basically my logic was I needed him to self-settle, so he might as well start trying   I left him if he was happy, and if he was crying I did a shhh with a hand on his tummy and stroked his head (he didn't seem to like patting).  Ideallly I stopped intervening once he was calm but sometimes did it a bit longer until he had his eyes shut.  Basically if it didn't happen in 10-15 mins though I put him in the sling for a nap.  And tried again the next day!  One day it just started to click with him and then I put him down in bed for more of his naps.  He did go in his bed for bedtime though from day 1 - and actually (we were majorly lucky here) he self-settled at bedtime from 10 days old.  Not by design!  I just happened to put him down next to us while we ate dinner and when I looked again he was out for the count!!

Not sure if it's just his personality or embracing the AP that made the difference, but he is by far and away a much more flexible sleeper than DD was in that he will sleep in the car, pushchair or even just on me if really needed (e.g. recently on a plane trip).  DD I spent much more time earlier on in getting her to nap in the crib (not that it made much difference to how quickly she did it - 3-4 months was the turning point for both of them) and she wouldn't sleep ANYWHERE else.  Nightmare for days out!!

Hope some of that helps xx

[needasleepingangel]

Sorbai: thank you so much for sharing your story. For my DD, even if I put her down after she is asleep, most of the time, she would still awake and interrupt the nap. Sometimes she even took a peek at what I was going to do. And she was prepared to cry instantly if I put her down. 

Jessmum, thank you very much for sharing your story. I was so desperate these days and I decided to find a sleep expert for advice. And she gave me the exact same thing.

Try putting her down only once, either the first nap or bedtime, for 20 min. If it doesn't work, use the old technique, and try the next day.

I haven't started yet, since I was behind schedule last night for her bedtime, and she was already cranky. This morning, I took her for a doctor's appointment. Anyway, I will start sometime this week, and will report the progress.

Thanks again.