Need to move routine to start nursery, cope with ill mummy and daddy in hospital

[evwright]

Hi,

My little boy is now 26 months and has been sleeping really well since we did GW back in March (thanks to Creations). My husband had a stroke last week and is going to be in hospital for a while and I am chronically ill so need to keep things running as smoothly as possible. Our routine has slipped later and we need to bring it forward ready for nursery in two weeks - although this may be difficult due to visiting hours at the hospital. Thankfully Jacob has kept sleeping through, although settling has become more difficult. He wants me to stay and yells when I don't, but then at naps is asleep within 5 minutes. BT takes longer, but then it always has. The night I did stay it took so long I think he wants me there but I am just too much of a distraction. I want to support him more, but actually seem to make things worse by staying so am just giving extra cuddles before bed and as long as he doesn't escalate I'm not going back in. We've never done WIWO as he seems to get worse every time I go back then leave.

We need his routine to move to a 7am WU, it is currently anything up to 8.30. He is asleep between 1.15 - 1.30pm for 2 hours (I usually have to wake him) pretty much whenever he wakes atm. If it goes later we get an OT nightmare. At BT he is usually asleep about 9.30, but has been as late as 10.30 the night I stayed with him. This is a slightly longer night than usual, he generally is closer to 10 hours. I think this is due to a mix of teething (we medicate) and stress from daddy being away. He must be feeling it from everyone else as well. Sometimes he has a really big cry out at 6.30am, but resettles immediately - I only wish I got back to sleep as well 

So overall he is doing brilliantly, but I need to mess it all up for nursery in two weeks. He is only going for two or three mornings so we will keep naps at home. We have moved his day forward previously, but with everything else going on right now I'm not sure what might be the best approach at this point. Especially when his OT is massive screaming, physical fighting and taking so long to get him to sleep.

I would be really grateful for advice and probably hand-holding when we do start moving things around.

Rhiannon

[Scottishmummy]

Firstly, can I say how amazingly calm you sound in the midst of what must be a very difficult family situation. It must be very stressful, emotional and exhausting for you all & it sounds like you are doing amazingly holding everything together for your DS.

For his routine..if you'd like an earlier wake up, could you try an earlier BT? At this age my DS would nap 1-3pm ish and do a 7.30pm-6.30/7am night sleep. I don't know how much sleep your little one needs but I'd try waking from the nap after 2hrs and a BT sometime between 7-8. A 10 hr night and screaming early in the morning can be a sign of OT and needing an earlier BT. That will hopefully start his night earlier and also give you an earlier wake up.

It sounds like you are all disrupted with his dad being in hospital and yo are doing everything you can to reassure & comfort him, while getting him to sleep so you can also get the rest you must need.You know him best and what works for him.

I hope that helps and am sending you hugs and vibes for you, your DH and your family

Xxx

[creations]

Oh Rhiannon, I'm so sorry to hear about your DH having a stroke.  Huge hugs and strength to you and vibes for a rapid recovery for your DH xxx

I remember your very successful gradual withdrawal.  If I remember rightly your LO likes a slightly shorter first A time and a longer A time before BT is that right?

Here's what I think your routine is currently like (roughly):
WU 8.30
(A 5hr)
S 1.30 - 3.30 set nap
(A 6hr)
BT 9.30

and your aim (based on just shifting times) would be:
WU 7
(A 5hr)
S 12 - 2
(A 6hr)
BT 8

But what time is nursery?  Will you be home for a 12 noon nap or will the nap need to be later?  Is 7am the latest you can wake him in the morning to get you to nursery on time?

Remember back in march I said you could move the day in 15 min increments?  I would start that now to move the routine by 1hr and then look at where the other 30 minutes needs to move from - because it may not suit nursery to just shift the whole routine by 1.5hrs.  You don't need to delay the start of this routine change as we can talk about how the end result needs to look whilst you are doing the first hour shift.  Hope that makes sense.
What I suggest is to write down the times for 4 days so you know when WU, nap and BT are to come. Shift by 15 mins each day.
eg:
day 1
WU 8.15
nap 1.15 - 3.15
BT 9.15

day 2
WU 8.00
nap 1.00 - 3.00
...etc.

Remember to write down all meal/snack times as these really need to move the 15 mins too, meal times really help a LO navigate the day and give strong signals as to where they are up to.

Many hugs. xx

[barbaraz78]

Rhiannon, my dh had a stroke 2.5 years ago. I managed to go on and ds went throught it fine, even if I don't feel I already found an equilibrium. Feel free to ask me questions or pm me.

[evwright]

Hi,

Thanks for the responses and support. Creations is spot on with his current routine, but right about fitting nursery in. We have to be out the door by 8.15am and I don't move the quickest in the morning with being ill.  He used to do a much longer morning and I seem to remember we never got him to sleep before 1pm even when he was up at 7 so I'm hoping overall day length and set nap rather than am/pm A time will be our saviour. I'll have a good think and try to find my previous sleep logs out to help. We have nearly always had ten hour nights unless ill/teething, but he is acting OT by lunchtime at the moment. Although he does go to sleep for nap within a couple of minutes 

Will get back to you properly when I find a few minutes somewhere in the day xx

[creations]

We are here, hand holding, when you are ready x

[evwright]

Hi again,

Things are progressing well both at home and with daddy. Hopefully he should be home on the 21st, so not long to wait and then another set of routine to add to the mix 

We have swung round to the following routine at home:

WU 7am
Nap 1-3pm
BT 8.30ish

As it is only early days I am having to wake him in the morning, but I wanted to feel my way carefully with BT so I didn't run into too many problems. He's going down easily at nap and at BT now as well.

We also had our first day at nursery today. It seems to have gone really well, though I'll know more when I try to leave him tomorrow morning. He didn't seem very OT for nap and went down as usual. I'll keep an eye out in case we need EBT and see how we go.

So no help specifically needed right now, but it's been good to know I could come back to you guys and I wanted to ket you know how it was going. Hopefully, all in the right direction  x

[creations]

Oh it's good to hear things are going well so far.

Looks like you've reduced his night by 30 mins, was that intentional?  I wonder if you're finding he is going down better and sleeping better with the shorter night?  Or perhaps if you need ton continue to wake him in the morning maybe he needs that other 30 mins?
Either way - you've shifted your routine brilliantly - you're obviously very focused on getting the job done

[evwright]

Hi Creations,

We've only shifted routine over the last few days so this is only day three. I'm allowing 10.5hrs at night as he has tended to do 10hr nights unless teething so I think the longer nights were to do with that. I didn't want to bring him forward too quickly as the mornings are quite early enough without causing problems at that end. He has been more unsettled tonight, but with first day at nursery and a hospital visit tonight I think he was just struggling a little to wind down. From now on I should have more space to ensure EBT can be used more easily if it looks like we need it. Hopefully then he'll start waking naturally and that is always a better start to the day x

[creations]

You sound like you know exactly what you are doing
Life might be throwing stuff at you but from here you appear to be the juggling queen and keeping everything going brilliantly!