SCREAMS while having her hair washed... help!

[ladymugg]

30 month old daughter loves having a shower but 1-2 times a week we wash her hair.  She screams.  Really irrationally too, as it starts before the process has even begun.

Any ideas on how to make this much less stressful for her and us?  Shampoo is a kids one so it isn't stinging her eyes.  Baths don't make a difference.  Have tried playing games with her about it.  Seems a bit silly but then I guess I don't know why it is stressful for her as she doesn't say (and she has really good language skills and isn't usually afraid of speaking out).

[becj86]

We stopped washing L's hair (granted, he's a boy so maybe it doesn't matter so much). We did that after an incident at daycare when he was around this age when he held his friend's head under the water in the bath. Everyone was shocked that my sweet boy would do something so dangerous and when I asked why, he said he was washing the boy's hair. Once we understood how HE was experiencing the hair-washing process, we stopped forcing it on him and actually, he had a healthier scalp after we stopped than he did before. He now washes his own hair of his own volition and reasonably regularly - that comes with time, IME.

Can you chat with her about ways she could wash her hair and be happier about it? Maybe some goggles? For L, it was not being able to breathe freely when water was going over his head and running down his face that upset him and he felt like we were drowning him.

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

I have 3 girls and I rarely wash their hair (they all have fairly thick, striaight hair though). I actually just shampooed DD3's hair really well for the first time in her life last night - got the idea to shut the bathroom door so she could see herself in the mirror at the back and made crazy styles with the bubbles and she loved it. And apparently she loves a scalp massage too

If her hair type allows it I would just take a break from washing for a while. We do still wet their hair (or they do by laying down in the bath) we just don't wash it much.

[Mama2boys]

you can also buy this caps, they are like plastic visors that prevent water coming on the eyes.

[cath~]

Both of mine didn't like hair washes and DD2 still gets a little upset from time to time when I wash her hair.  Usually they're OK though. DD2 likes to hold a flannel over her eyes but actually it's more the water going in her ears that she doesn't like, so I try to prevent that from happening with my hand while I'm rinsing.  She's learnt, with practice, now to look right up at the ceiling while I rinse and then it's OK for her.  She's really good at that now but it took a while to get there.  Lots of practice.  Maybe you could try and build it up gradually. Start with a v short "wash" (so just wetting her hair a little, no shampoo) and then over the weeks/months build it up to something more thorough?

ETA getting DD2 to help wet her hair by pouring water over it also helped.  Would you DD2 want to try doing it herself?  She prob wouldn't get it all, but it would be a start that you could work from and she'd feel more in control.

[dache]

DD is same and I dont know what to do about it either.
I think our situation is a lot like Cath's, but even if I'm being extra careful she freaks out.  I can manage the back of her head where it gets all tangled up, but she freaks out the moment senses Im washing her hair. She says she is done and tries to get out.

 So, no washing at all? How many days would you tolerate the most?

[ladymugg]

Unfortunately she has been blessed with my very fine hair so it does need washing at least once a week (I have to wash mine every day, poor kid she has no idea what is coming once puberty hits!!).  She gets paint and stuff in it a bit at kindergarten too.

Yeah so the trauma sessions are maybe about once every 5 days, not that frequently.  Her hair is actually really beautiful so I don't want to chop it into a bob or anything just have it looking fresh every few days.  She goes on about how nice her hair is herself for a good day after... yesterday she was like "smell my hair mummy, it smells like flowers" about 10 times!  Kids eh...

I might have to get one of those plastic visor things.  Had a second idea of maybe getting some of those bath crayons so she can draw a picture or something on the shower wall while its going on. 

Thanks everyone for your suggestions!!

[MasynSpencerElliotte]

 So, no washing at all? How many days would you tolarate the most

Honestly we have gone a good month or two (or more in winter) with DD1 & DD2 - really I only wash their hair when it gets food/paint/sand in it. DD3 probably did not have a proper hair wash with shampoo until she was over a year old and at that until yesterday I had never really given it a good go - more like a small splat of shampoo on the back bit and a quick rinse. But again they have very thick straight hair so it just works well without shampoo.

[creations]

I might have to get one of those plastic visor things.

I tried at least two different designs of these if not three - the trauma of trying to get the thing on his head was even worse than the hair washing...and then it never worked anyway, he got soaked so it was useless. Good luck finding one that will work!

I'm another that just didn't wash hair when DS was younger. I used a wash cloth to rub his head. Gradually a little bit of pouring over the back of his head. the rare time he got sand in it I told him that I really just absolutely had to do this and just kept speaking softly reassuring whilst he screamed his head off.  It was only the sand times I used shampoo, or more often just added bubbles to the bath and used that.

[ladymugg]

Thanks creations will save my $$!  Might get some of those bath crayons still though. 

[Katet]

Not sure if it will work with your kitchen layout, but I know a couple of people (my sister being one) who got their child to lie on the kitchen bench with their child's head hanging over the sink & washed their hair that way.

[dache]

Thanks for the heads up with the  plastic visor Creations. I was thinking about getting one, or one of these. Anyone tired it?

[cath~]

dache - we have one of those (except it's blue and with a yellow soft bit). 

I think if your DD will stay still it could work but for us I could never maintain the seal between the soft bit (the blue bit in your picture) and their forehead.  it also would still trickle over their ears.  I find it much easier just to have them look straight up at the ceiling while I pour water over their hair.

I do still use the jug when I wash their hair, just like a regular jug though, for pouring water over them.  They also play with it loads in the bath when it's not hairwash day.  The two sections inside have been a source of endless different water-play games...  So it might be worth a try because even if you can't use it as intended, it doesn't have to go completely to waste!