Settled but takes ages to sleep

[mummyW]

I've been before for advice and we got better and muddled through but now it's just getting ridiculous and we need help again, if anyone is able. My hubby and I are going out of our minds!

E is 10 months old, she has quite severe silent reflux and we're now on our 3rd different medication since she was born and it's still not fully under control.

Our main problem is at night. She'll go into her cot at bedtime and I stand over her and rub her back until she falls asleep. This used to take less than 5 minutes, it's now taking more than 15. I'm sure it's not reflux related. She will lie quietly and settled as long as I'm rubbing her back, as soon as I stop she starts fussing, sits or stands and cries. If I rub her back again she stops and settles.

She will then wake without fail between 10pm and 1am when I just bring her into our bed as I'm exhausted (also have a 2 & 1/2 year old). Some nights she'll fall asleep quickly, other nights it's 2 hours of rubbing her back lying down. She's then squirming about at 5-6am every day but that is reflux so nothing I can do there.

During the day our routine is as follows:
WU 7am
E 7.30-8
A 8-10.30
S 10.30-11.45 (usually in the pram outside, she gets rocked to sleep)
E 12-1
A 1-3
S 3-3.45 (again in the pram)
A 3.45-5
E 5-5.30
BT 7.15-7.30 usually asleep before 7.45

Some days her morning nap is only 45 mins then her afternoon nap is 1 &1/2 - 2 hours but never past 4pm.

I know we have fallen into some really bad habits but were exhausted and they made life easier. I don't like do-sleeping with her and wish she would stay in her cot. She wasn't well last week and did almost 7-7 in the cot uninterupted!

We didn't have so many problems first time around but I do recall standing in the room some nights for up to 2 hours. Is this just a phase?

Any advice would be so welcome! 😓

[jessmum46]

It could well be a phase, but it could also be a combination of not being an independent sleeper (and now becoming more aware of her own wants) and routine.  How long has she been on the current routine?  Do you notice any difference in how quickly she settles with a long afternoon nap as opposed to a short one?

It is hard to give really solid routine advice for a LO who needs help to settle as there are other factors at play which could mean even the right routine doesn't lead to an easy settle, but if she's been on the routine a while and is finding it harder to settle now than previously it may be she needs a bit more A time to sleep well.  Her morning nap isn't a 'full' 1.5h so if you push her A time a bit more you may find she settles a bit better.  Right around 10 months with DD we were on something like:

WU 6.30
Nap 10.30-12
Nap 4/4.30 for 30-45 mins
BT 7

Last A time was short but because of two longer A times earlier on and the later catnap it seemed to work ok.   Not suggesting you jump to this exact routine but you could maybe push a bit more so you get:

WU 7
Nap 10.45/11-12.15/30
Nap 4ish for up to 45 mins
BT 7.30

What do you think??  Also, how do you feel about tackling independent sleep right now?

[mummyW]

Hi Katherine, thanks for your reply.

I think we have a few issues going on unfortunately! I believe she's ready to do the 2-1 nap transition (oh fun) and I also think she's overtired most of the time. She is a chronic early waker, night waker and short napper!

I would love her to be an independent sleeper but I don't see it happening lol.  I have been trying over the last couple of days to make some changes. So far I have, where possible, been putting her to nap in the cot but she's yet to take more than 45 minutes. When she's wakened after 45 mins I've gone in and got her back to sleep when I could. I have also been trying not to bring her into our bed so she's managed one night until 5.15, then last night until 4.15. The first night I had to go in a couple of times but she's gone back over really easily.

I've also been trying to stopping "assisting" her to sleep. I've stopped rubbing her back as soon as she's settled. When she wasn't overtired she tolerated this really well and lay quite happily and went to sleep with me just standing at her cot side. She's not done this at all today or yesterday.

Some days like today went like this:

WU 4.15-5.25
WU 6.45
A 6.45-11
Fell asleep in pram (not through choice)
S 11-11.35
A 11.35-3.30
S 3.30-4.10 (absolute battle to get her to sleep in cot)
A 4.10-7.25
BT 7.10 ( fell asleep after fussing and moaning at 7.25. I was rubbing her back this whole time)

Have I tried changing too much at once? Can you offer any other suggestions?

Also I think she's possibly better with the longer sleep in the afternoon as then she's not OT and cranky but it's hard to tell as she's not really in a set routine with naps and it's really very variable

[jessmum46]

I think it would help to try to cement her routine by working round her sleep times for a while, and avoiding times like the day you posted where she may be prone to doze off.  Not forever!  But when you are struggling to get things settled a few days invested can really pay off   It's hard to comment on the day you posted as she may well have slept longer if she wasn't in the pram, other than to say I wonder if you kept her up rather too long after such a short morning doze and got a battle as a result.  But we live and learn!  Have things been any better since?