5mo: Shh-pat successful, what is the next step to independent sleep?

[needasleepingangel]

DD will be 5-month old in 4 days. She is very healthy. She was able to fall asleep by herself with me lying beside her when she was near 4-monnth old. It took her 20-30 minutes to do that. But it only lasted for a few days. Then we went back to patting and shushing to help her fall asleep. For about two weeks, when she fell asleep she was asleep. But in the recent two weeks, she goes back to waking up a few minutes after she falls asleep and will wake up a couple of times.

If I am sleeping next to her, she usually wakes up less. Or if she stirs, I just pat her gently a few times and she goes back to sleep again. But I can't always sleep when she sleeps. I want to know what is the next step to independent sleep after shh-pat successful? Any advice is appreciated. Many thanks.

P.S.: I have started working and I mainly works from home. I also have a toddler boy to take care of. So I am really not able to sleep with my DD anytime she sleeps.

[jessmum46]

Could you post her routine for us?  It may be that something there needs to be adjusted as well as working on the sleep training. 

But essentially if she falls asleep with shh pat, and doesn't yet find it distracting (LOs do tend to start getting annoyed with it as they get bigger) then you need to gradually do less shh and pat - 'fade it out' if that makes sense so that instead of doing it all the way until she sleeps, you do it until just asleep, then sleepy, then calm but not sleepy, then not at all.  You can also slow the patting, use a lighter touch etc etc.  The aim eventually is that you put her down fully awake in bed and that she does it all by herself

[needasleepingangel]

Thanks a lot, Jessmum. Sorry for the late reply as I didn't get a notification and I have been extremely busy the recent two weeks.

DD's naps are usually two 1.5-2 hours long, but the catnap is always fussy. Not two days are alike. I keep a diary since her 14th days. There was a period her night sleep was good, at least after feeding at night, she went back to sleep again. Now she has multiple NWs, which is really exhausting.

If for a few days in a roll she naps well, then i thought maybe i could start patting less. Nope! all of a sudden she may start to fight even if you pat her. And in the recent week, that was coupled with multiple NWs. I was so frustrated, as I kinda know the theory of fading out, but it is hard to do.

So I started PU/PD at BT tonight. It took me an hour, but finally she fell asleep by herself. I couldn't handle multiple NWs anymore, as during the day, I had to be there when she naps. And at night, I have to resettle her many many times, and have to stay for a while after she settled. Basically, I don't have much time to do anything else (beside helping her sleep) at all. I have been so frustrated and started PU/PD. Hope this will end her multiple NWs and start long naps without me. Fingers crossed! Tears...T_T

[jessmum46]

(((hugs))), this age is super-frustrating from a sleep point of view.  It does end, I promise!  I know you say no 2 days are alike but i wonder if there is more routine there than you realise.  Could you at least post the last 2-3 days for us to look at? 

[needasleepingangel]

Thanks, jessmum. I have been doing PUPD for a few days now.

Her recent two days:
Day 1:
WU 6:30? Not sure as she didn't make noise, but I found her playing by herself at 6:35.
E 7:05
S 9:15-9:50. Awakened by noise of knocking at the door.
E 10:51
S 12:12-2:17. Was asleep at 11:57, but then WU a few times and finally settled at 12:12.
E 2:51
S 4:30-5:00
E 6:24
S 7:34. A lot of crying since 6:55.
Stir 9:45, and quick resettle.
E 11:52 (not dream feed)

Day 2
WU 6:25. (One NF is rare, usually two feeds)
E 6:25, then took a short nap and get up at 7:10.
S 9:10-10:00. Awakened by noise of knocking at the door again!!! (I was too sad and cried a long time.)
E 11:22 (feed was delayed because I was very sad)
S12:12-2:00
E 3:06
S no catnap. fighting hard from 4:00-4:30. Then tried to let her sleep in stroller, but still didn't sleep.
E 6:00 too tired baby falling asleep at breast.
S 6:00-6:20. Awakened by noise from upstairs. Then DD cried and cried, on and off, until 7:05. I gave a light feed. She was almost asleep at 7:19, but then noise came again. She was startled. Then eyes wide open and play with hands until 8:08.
S 8:08.

Actually I have a question about NW. Sometimes she wakes at 4 and I would usually feed her if the previous feed was around 11pm. But she stayed awake for almost two hours before sleep again. This happened many times already. I wonder what should I do if she wakes at night, just let her play and hopefully fall asleep by herself, or should I do PU/PD? I know we don't pick baby up if she is not crying, but just don't know if there is anything I can do to encourage her go back to sleep. Many thanks. 

[jessmum46]

Are you aiming for set nap times just out of interest?  It's just that her A times are a bit all over the place, so it's hard to say exactly what might help here in term of routine.  In general at 5 months I would roughly be aiming for her to be asleep 2.5h or so after waking up, possibly a touch shorter after a short nap.  So for example:

WU 6.30
Nap 9-10.30/11 (ideal world!)
Nap 1/1.30-3/3.30
Catnap around 5.30, likely only for 30 mins then BT 7
OR
No catnap and early 6pm bedtime

She's of an age where the 3-2 transition can start to happen and so some variability is to be expected.  Perhaps aiming for that consistent sort of an awake time will help you sport some patterns about when she does/doesn't settle more easily?

[needasleepingangel]

Thanks, jessmum.

I didn't mean to set nap times out of interest. But if she wakes at different times everyday, I would still follow her lead for naps, usually still 4-hour schedule with wake time around 2.25-2.5 hours. The above two sample schedule shows that her morning wake time is more than 2.5 hours, but it is because she was very fussy and difficult to sleep even though we were in room early enough, and waited until she was sleepy. But it took a long time for her to finally fall asleep.

A time is everywhere, because I still usually feed her at 7, 11, 3 and 7. And if she naps very short, then to maintain the 4-hour schedule, it will not be EAS, but EASA.

I will try to do 3-2 transition to see if it works. The problem with early bed time is that with my 3 year old son around, it is difficult to make him quiet enough for baby sister to sleep.