20mth old won't fall asleep by herself

[MrsJ80]

Hi Everyone,

I've posted here before about the same problem and I haven't been able to find anything that works for me.

My lg has never gone to sleep by herself. Every few months what we were doing stops working and we have to find a new way. She's now getting too big to cuddle in the nursing chair and she just can't get comfortable enough to go to sleep. Bedtime is turning into a battle, it's taking her several hours to go to sleep. My OH and I don't agree on what techniques to try and just end up arguing all the time. Every night this week he's ended up bringing her downstairs after an hour of trying to get her to sleep and then taking her back up 30mins later. I don't agree with this as I think it's teaching her that if she cries long enough and loud enough she'll eventually be brought back downstairs to play. We're now in a nasty routine of late nights (she's dropping off about 9pm/9:30pm), waking up about 6:30am and not always napping in the day although it's so obvious she's tired. Hubby thinks she should go to bed later and that we just have to accept she won't sleep until 9pm ish. I think she should go to bed earlier because gets overtired and that's making bedtime harder. I'm stressed, anxious and hate this situation at the moment and am really at my wits end.

I don't agree with controlled crying and want to find a gentler solution but everything we've tried she just ends up in hysterics.

Can anyone help me please?

[N_Mom_S]

It reminds me a lot of our current situation with our 12mth old, also fighting sleep, not sleeping independently, overtired because he goes to bed late and wakes up early... I hope you can get some help! I'm currently tracking his EASY to post here, I imagine it would help if you did the same

[MrsJ80]

I've actually had some really good advice from a sleep consultant today. I just need to pluck up the courage and put it into action!! Once these bugs have shifted I am going to give it a whirl. Good luck! X

[Haribo2012]

Hi sorry for the delay in replying, I think you are right in that she's OT and a late BT will only make that worse, ideally if she's up at 6.30 with no nap she should be heading to bed at 6.30pm.
Have you tried Gradual withdrawal? I know you say you've tried most things but they need to be stuck to consistently or they won't work.

Controlled trying isn't the answer so I'm glad that's something your not going to try. Good luck with your sleep plans, keep us posted x

[MrsJ80]

This is the problem, I haven't been consistent. Illness always seems to take over after a few days of starting something new and then DD is more resistant so I just do whatever it takes to get her to sleep as soon as possible.   

[Haribo2012]

It's never too late to start, hope you find something that suits x

[MrsJ80]

Well I didn't plan on starting tonight but DD kept asking to go in her bed so in she went and I thought here goes!!!!

It took from 7:30pm to 9:30pm but she went to sleep by herself in her bed. No tears, no tantrums, a few whinges but that was it. If she wanted a hug, I'd give her a hug over the side of the bed rail, she never left her bed. Even when she started kissing my face I didn't give in!!

I'll see what happens if she wakes in the night but I suppose I need to be strong and do the same otherwise it will give her mix messsages. Easier said when done when the tiredness kicks in. X

[Haribo2012]

Yes try and do the same or she won't understand. Sometimes they regress after a couple of days so dont up if that happens x

[MrsJ80]

She woke at 5am. Took an hour for her to go back to sleep, then she woke 20mins later. As it was after 6am we just got up for the day instead! X

[Haribo2012]

Hope the day goes well x

[MrsJ80]

I think she's cracked it! Bedtimes and nap times asleep within 15mins! Now working on moving closer to the bedroom door

[Haribo2012]

Great to hear