Exhausted after almost 3 years of night waking

[hayleystar]

Please help if you have any advice!
My daughter is 2 years 7 months old. We have always had some problem or other with sleep. About 8 mo this ago we very successfully used gradual withdrawal to help her lead to settle by herself at nights and naps,. This was a blessing to us as we no longer spent hours in her room waiting for her to sleep, but she would still wake several times at night.
She's slept all night about 5 times EVER! I'm beginning to get extremely fed up, exhausted and grumpy so I want to work on this.

Currently we have two routines running, one for days when she naps and one for no nsp days.
On days she naps it looks like this:
Wake up 6am
Nap1pm - 2pm (she usually only naps an hour)
Bedtime 7pm (she talks and plays, or calls for drinks, cuddles etc until around 7.30/8 the falls asleep).
On these days she will wake about twice at night

No nap days look like this
6am wake up
Bedtime between 6 and 6.30, straight to sleep no calling out or grizzling
On these nights she wakes anywhere between 2 and 8 times

When she wakes I leave her for a few minutes until her crying/calling becomes very loud.  I go in and tell her to lay down, tuck her in and leave. She usually settles back to sleep but sometimes I have to go in a few more times.

I want to drop her nap but she wakes more on these nights so I'm not sure if it's a good idea? She doesn't get too grumpy on a no nap day so I don't mind her not napping, it's just the waking at night.

What can I do to encourage her to sleep all night? And should I drop her nap?
Thanks so much

She

[Katet]

It's hard when they don't sleep well... my eldest didn't regularly sleep through until he dropped his nap and adjusted to that combined with sharing a room with his brother I think for him it was being alone was part of the issue.

Do you ever find she settles without you needing to go in? 
As if she doesn't Ever settle Id go in the moment she disturbs you as leaving her longer could have led to a fear of being alone. My 12 yo who now on occasion goes to bed at the same time as his parents comments it's harder to fall asleep without the background sounds of people awake and maybe with your DD when she goes to bed she knows people are there but during the night sometime in the past she got scared and so needs that reassurance each night. I know even with my boys sharing a room there was a time my younger son crept in and slept on the floor in our room... unlike his brother he came to find us rather than call out.

What is her day routine like in terms of activities who she spends time with etc as night wake ups are sometimes worse when children are in daycare.

All that said the first thing I'd do would be respond immediately , since you get up anyway, why hold off, as research now shows that contrary to belief independence comes from feeling safe and responded to rather than being forced cope. You may find that if she knows you come immediately she has less need to be upset and then when has slight wake ups doesn't wake up enough to disturb you. 

[hayleystar]

Thank you for your thoughtful reply.
She very occasionally settles if I leave her but not often do I will try your suggestion of going straight in. During the days she's at home with me and we attend various activities together.  I also have 2 boys who share a room and she wants to sleep with them sometimes but when we tried it her waking at night would disturb them.