13 weeks old having frequent night wakings

[Mariellamom]

Hi dear ladies, 
Need your advice. My 13 weeks old DD has been having very bad nights for a week. 5 days ago she clearly had a growth spurt as she nursed during one night every 1,5 hours and then slept during her first nap the morning for 3 hours in the carseat. We were out. She never sleeps in the car longer than 30 min.  I figured out it was a sign of a growth spurt.
For 4 nights after that night she has been up almost every 2 hours and clearly is hungry. Last 2 nights she is up after an hour after the bed time. I tried to settle her without a feed and she screamed for more than an hour. My DH held her and she slept for 15 min 3 times. When he transferred her to the crib she was up and rooting. At that point I fed her. In 1,5 hours she was up, I tried to resettle for 1 hour. Lots of screaming. Finally fed her,  she calmed down but didn't fall asleep as she usually does after the night feed. I left her crying because i was exhausted and she fell asleep by herself in a few minutes. Then was up 2 more times to eat.  The last feed was at 5 30 am. She fell asleep by 6 30 and slept for 3 hours in the morning. I was tempted to wake her up but was not sure if it's a growth spurt nap or just a nap after exhaustion.
My questions are:
Should I try to extend those feeds, to settle her without the feed in spite of her screaming for so long?
Do I wake her up in the morning to avoid a vicious cycle (She did sleep a few times that long after a bad night,  ).
Could it be that she is growing out of swaddle and wants to use her arms?( My husband thinks so. But she never fights the swaddle when we swaddle her for naps and for a bed time).
Her naps are a mess.  If I am late to extend her naps - she naps 30 min,  not longer. 
If I extend her naps by pressing on her arms and legs for 30 min,  she would sleep almost 2,5 hrs.
Since it might be the only good nap that day I am tempted not to wake her at a 2 hour mark.
I am wondering if this behavior  is a growth spurt or a 4 months sleep regression?
Also she goes to sleep with me patting her and singing quietly . Shush was irritating to her and I lost my voice trying to shush louder than she screamed. So, singing helps most of the times. Sometimes she falls asleep at her bedtime feed. But i burp her and hold her upright and she usually us up after I put her down.  Normally settles with patting and singing. 
Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!
Thank you so much!!!

[Katet]

The 3 month growth spurt is a big one...with my second it lasted for almost 2 weeks, which was a shock after how easily he slept before that. I didn't know that much withy first but I do remember between 3 and 4 months his feeding time and frequency changed a lot.
A lot of mums used to give up BF at 3 months saying 'I dont make enough milk' the reality is more they weren't prepared for  growth Spurt that was even more demanding than a newborn, so the problem is probably that you havent reached the end of the growth spurt.

FYI a growth spurt in a BF baby is to change the consistency of the milk not the volume and so lots of feeding sends messages as to what is needed. Rather than being totally about the baby growing lots.

[Mariellamom]

Thank you,  you were right! I had no idea this growth spurt lasts so long.  I thought she got used to wake up often and it became a bad habit. 
But last night she had her first 6 hour stretch at night,  which never happened before,  and a very long nap in the morning, I even had to wake her up.
 I think she tried to catch up on her sleep. 
I wish her 6 hours stretches at night would continue!!!

[Katet]

The 6-hour stretch may well continue, the main thing is to look at the baby's crying as communication, it's not them being difficult or doing it to frustrate you, but like a person speaking in a different language trying to get a message across. All your baby can do is cry, to say "I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm bored, I'm upset" etc...

If she doesn't settle in the normal way & gets more upset it could be many things - bit of a tummy ache from too much of something you ate, or over stimulation, or bit of a cold developing etc... sometimes they just need that extra cuddle or that extra feed & it won't stop them from growing into a healthy responsible adult... it may mean you have a child who learns that when it asks  for comfort it is given (which is actually a very good thing) rather than giving up asking because it got ignored too many times... That doesn't mean you have to be at the baby's side all the time, more that,  if in doubt give love & attention (it's not true that you can spoil them by holding too much) rather than if in doubt leave them to cry.

I honestly (with the value of hindsight) think the worst thing any new mother can be told is "don't let them get into bad habits"  Most of us forget so very much about what it really is like in the first year. One of the men I work with had his 3rd child last month & he said, it all came flooding back to me how unpredictable they are in the first few months" & I actually responded with "It keeps being unpredictable even when they are teenagers & you still need to "read between the lines"

[Mariellamom]

Thank you so much for your words!! Needed!
After that good night 6 hours stretch,  she wakes every 2 hours at night.  I feed her 3 times and one time send my husband in. He will calm her but she will be up in 2 hrs. So frustrating! Is it still a 3 months growth spurt you think? It's been a week already. 
After the feed at 7 am she crushes and sleeps. I wake her around 9 am after I get some sleep. 
I was wondering if I didn't let her sleep in the morning from 7 to 9, maybe she would be better at night... I have no idea...
During the day she eats every 2,5 hrs, so there's no way she is hungry at night. 
I also started extending her 30 min naps and she sleeps around 2 hrs (I have to wake her). If I don't extend, it's 30 min. 
Now I am thinking maybe this naps extension robs her off her night sleep...?
Oh. Just guessing. 

[Katet]

A week for a growth spurt is not unusual, but given you feed at 2.5hours in the day there is a chance she snacks... at her age I think you’d be better pushing to 3 or 3.5 hours between feeds esp if she sleeps 2 hours.
It’s

[Mariellamom]

Thank you, 
I tried to push yesterday to 3 hrs. She still was up 4 times at night to feed.  I probably have to do it longer and see.
Tempted to give formula at night though.  Maybe she doesn't get enough with EBF...
But with formula I am afraid of new digestive issues that might cause night wakenings..
 
Exhausted!

[Katet]

Maybe she doesn't get enough with EBF...

That's the whole thing with a Growth spurt is to make your body produce more, rather than look a the thought she doesn't get enough.

If she is only going 2.5 hours & 4 feeds at night it sounds like she may just be getting foremilk & none of the heavier hind milk.

Do you single side feed or double. I found with one of mine that a feed, 5mins break and a bit more on the same side helped with increasing the time between feeds to make sure the thicker hindmilk was fed on as feeding on both sides meant it was just lots of the foremilk & that led to snacking.

If you give formula it is likely your milk supply will drop off as BM is supply and demand.

[Mariellamom]

Thank you so much for a good idea! 5 min after a feed will be like a top up I hope . The last 2 days I tried to space the feeds to 3 hrs with some tears and lots of distraction. And last night was the first night in a week where she was up only 2 times !!! Praise God!
I will keep on pushing 3 hrs between the feeds.
It's difficult though when I can't extend her nap and she is up 30-40 min after going down.  Then she is cranky and of course wants to eat. 
Should I offer the feeds more often in the afternoon? Like 4 pm, 6 30pm, 8 pm bed time feed?
Also I am dreading this 4 months sleep regression and 4 months growth spurt.  Is there anything I can do to prepare for that?
Do I need to move towards 3,5 EASY IF the night feeds will remain 2 per night?
I am a bit confused as I am reading here that breastfed babies often don't last more than 3,5 hrs between feeds.  For now I see that with short naps we won't last longer than 3 hrs. 
Thank you so much for your help,  I couldn't believe this night when she was up only twice!!!😀

[Katet]

Not all babies go through  the bumps (growth spurts & sleep regressions) as per textbooks & I certainly remember 3mo being worse for both of mine than 4mo (then again at 4mo for DS1 my DH was really sick in Hospital & with DS2 he ended up in Hospital, so I don't really know what they did as both times I was in super survival mode)

Yes BF babies don't always go longer than 3.5 hours & can have 2 night feeds (3 if you include a DF) for up to 6months... there really is no one size fits all.

Hard as it is, try not to look to have it "perfect". Parenting is a journey & (I speak from experience) if you spend your time thinking "it will be better when they sleep through the night" you will find it harder than if you say "this too will pass" & try to work with the situation you have. 

Often rather than trying to feed every 2.5 hours, it can be better to try to take 5mins breaks & offer a second & 3rd time... think of it like the entree, main & dessert!

If she's unsettled in the evening just keep letting her feed if she will even if it's for an hour or more rather than offering feeds every 1.5 hours 

[Mariellamom]

Sorry for your difficult times when the LOs were so young!!! It is super difficult as it is without any extra events moreover health problems with your loved ones!
I've never thought about offering the feed 5-10 min after or even for an hour after the start . It makes sense and makes them more full I guess ?
How do I prevent snacking in this case? Or as long as I go 3 or 3,5 hrs between the beginning of the feed until the next one,  it's ok?
Last night she woke up at 12 20 to eat , then at 2 am super hungry and at 6 20. I think the first feed she was not taking the full feed in thus woke up hungry.
I haven't implemented DF so far because her bedtime sometimes goes until 8 30. And she needs to be burped after every feed. (Although haven't tried whether with DFshe is ok without a burp).
Also, I am thinking about her first nap.  I normally try to find the time and extend it. If she goes longer than 2 hrs I wake her . But then her naps after that are short and I wonder if it's better to let her sleep longer and then just have 2 short naps after the long one.  I know it sounds like a mess,  but when she doesn't nap long after and gets overtired,  it's not good anyways...
What do you think?  In that case in the morning if she naps longer she can go 3,5 hrs in between. Thank you.

[Katet]

Distant memories the hurdles of when they were young, hind sight is wonderful and makes you wish you didn’t worry so much about the small stuff really as it passes. Although lack of sleep and people around tends to make motherhood feel like it has to be ‘right’ to raise a good child... reality is it’s so different, my experience is the harder they are as babies the more you learn, the easier it gets when they are older as you’ve learnt to work with them not against them.

With my DS2 I did catnap, catnap, big nap, catnap kind of routine to fit around DS1 and that worked. So yes don’t aim for an ideal aim for what can work as a balanced life for the family.

[Mariellamom]

Thank for the words of wisdom ! Yes, indeed,  the harder they are as babies the more we learn or ready to learn.  That is what I realized with my dd1 who is 4 now. We were in exactly the same boat with her as with this one. Very light sleepers and short mappers and super alert babies. It became better of course and she was a good sleeper at 8 months with sound machine only though and never anywhere else but her crib 😁
Thank you for your support .  I indeed need to relax and go with the flow when possible