4 S - Sitting Routine Help!

[haileyababay]

My little girl is 9 weeks old. We have implemented the EASY routine from the time she came out of the womb. I need help with the 4 S Wind down Routine, however. Our current schedule looks like this:

W - between 7 and 8 AM every morning (we'll go with 7:30 as an average here)
E - within 5-15 minutes of waking up, she has reflux and is burped 2-5 times during a feed, she feeds for 5-15 minutes
A - 1 hour of waketime
S - nap at 8:30
Y - two hours

E - 10:30
A - 1:15 of waketime
S - nap at 11:45
Y - one and a half

E- 1:15 PM
A - 1:30 of waketime
S - nap at 2:45
Y - one hour and 15 minutes

E- 4
A - one hour and 30 minutes
S - nap at 5:30
Y - one hour and 15 minutes

E - 7
A - 2 hours MAX, average of 1 hour and 45 minutes, min of 1 hour and 30 minutes
S - begin bedtime routine at 8, implemeneting 4S at 8:15*
Y

My primary issue comes as we begin the 4S routine. She gets her diaper changed, then we snuggle and say goodnight to family, go upstairs, turn on the fan and night light, sit in the rocking chair and rock until one song ends (max 5 minutes), then she is swaddled, then I nurse her again for a short nursing session while I play lullabies. That is followed by the rest of the s's, after I shut the music off and turn on white noise. We sit, where she prefers to lay horizontally across my arms, elevated due to acid reflux. I give her 15 minutes before I move her to the bassinet maximum. I check after 5 minutes and if she has her eyes closed, I will move her into her bassinet. If not, 5 more minutes and then 5 more. Then I pass her off to my fiancé. If she does have her eyes closed and is calm when I move her to the bassinet, I then lay my hand across her stomach for a few minutes before leaving. If she starts to move and open her eyes, I will pat her tummy and shh for a few minutes until I see that she has closed her eyes and is calm again. Then I slowly decrease the shh and patting for a few minutes, lay on the bed for a few minutes, and then leave once I'm sure she is asleep. If it all goes like that, it takes 30 minutes from the time we turn on the fan. Occasionally, I will give up and have my fiancé take over. If I'm shh-patting for over 10 minutes and she continues to have her eyes open and move and whine, I give her to him and he does his own version where he rolls her onto her side and does the shh-pat and if that still doesn't work, he will pick her up and rock her while shh-patting until she's asleep. If he is unsuccessful, I will lay her next to me until she falls asleep and then move her into her bassinet and then leave. I do not wake her for a dream feed. When she falls asleep, it's usually between 8 and 9 and she wakes up around 3 or 4am for a night feed, and then she will go back to sleep about an hour later (around 4 or 5) until morning (between 7 and . After she night nurses, my fiancé snuggles her until she falls asleep or is partially asleep and then I move her back to her bassinet. Sometimes, she will wake up from then until morning once or twice until we soothe her back to sleep but that isn't common and happens maybe once a week. I'm wondering if there is anything that I could do better to help her.

[Katet]

 

If I'm shh-patting for over 10 minutes and she continues to have her eyes open and move and whine,

Am I reading correctly that she's not really upset, ie she's mostly just fidgety rather than crying?

If that's the case I'd try putting her in her bed when she is calm & leaving her & only help with Sh/pat or the like if she is upset. I feel into the trap that I thought my baby should just "shut his eyes & sleep" but they don't always & if they are content & relaxed then it's ok to leave them & let them drift off.

In terms of the unsettled after the night feed, some babies can be like that & as they go longer between feed they tend to sort it out.

[haileyababay]

Those issues seem to have resolved themselves. I don’t intervene with her falling asleep unless she’s crying hard. Now she’s on a short nap kick... in the afternoons, her naps are 15-45 minutes and I’m gonna lose it! I don’t understand how to fix the short naps and what to do when it throws the rest of the day off.

[Katet]

Those issues seem to have resolved themselves.

That is the thing about babies under 6months, the "problems" appear & then they aren't even problems in a week or two.

I'm not sure the 15-45min naps in the afternoon are something to get overly worried about. It's pretty normal for babies under 3/4months to have "one unsettled period per day, one unsettled day per week & one unsettled week per year"

I think possibly the biggest problem is that society sets mothers up to feel they are doing well if they have the "perfect routine" & because of social media, a plethora of books with the "perfect routine" & the lack of a village filled with older experienced women (rather a few who remember bits & pieces) we get stressed when the routine isn't "by the book"

Shot naps are pretty normal in the first 3 months as babies don't always tie their sleep cycles together. They also can be because a bit of gas builds up as the day gets later, or they can be a little undertired, or a bit over tired, or maybe they are too stimulated or not stimulated enough... do you see what I'm getting at - there are many many reasons & they may not be the same day to day, but the outcome is the same... Mum being stressed that the nap isn't "textbook".  One of the best ways I found to deal with them was - leave the house. If the weather is good enough, go for a walk, baby in the stroller or in a carrier - they are often happier in the fresh air! Or take yourself off to a shopping mall... they often sleep in the stroller! 

The thing is you measure your day by the clock you've probably got 100% chance of failure. The most important (& hardest skill) I learned was that I needed to parent the child & I had & run with the day I was given, rather than see that a short nap was something I was "doing wrong" it was a chance to explore an option... did my child like walking under trees (yes absolutely loved it), would they fall asleep on a car trip (yes) etc.

Many problems in the early months (even years) are ones manufactured by a world that we've been taught to run to a timetable & babies aren't like that 24/7... sometimes they can be predictable for 12 hours, or lucky parents for 18 hours, but never for 24/7.  So rather than getting stressed over the need to fix every blip along the way, accept them as normal as in parenting, there will ALWAYS be loads of curved balls & you just have to embrace them!

[haileyababay]

I understand. It’s frustrating because as soon as she’s asleep and I start doing something (namely school work as I’m in college) then she’s up and I don’t get anything done. Her first nap of the day is usually the most successful of two hours. Then it all goes downhill as the day goes on. Yesterday was better and I’m hoping today is even better. At night, she wakes 40 minutes into sleep every night. It doesn’t happen for every nap, but every night at bedtime without fail it happens. And then it takes HOURS to get her to sleep. Maybe I’ll try to just play with her wake time before bed. It may not be long enough because she fell asleep after 2 hours and 15 minutes of waketime and woke up an hour later, nursed, and fell back asleep. It might also be that she’s used to us being right next to her when she sleeps and at night, once she’s asleep, we leave the room. I’ll try to decrease her wake time before bed to only 1:30. And I might start the transition into her own room or try a different routine. I’m not sure what to do. It’s just driving me up the wall lol I need her to sleep good. Other babies in our family will fall asleep as soon as they’re tired. She will fight it unless we put her down. Idk what do lol I’m ready to have a breakdown!