Overall sleep overhaul needed

[albers30]

I've got a 9 month old who's routine is roughly
Wake 7ish/BF
Activity
Breakfast 8am
Activity
Nap 930-10
BF
Actvity
Lunch 12
BF/Nap 1230ish can range anywhere from 40-90 minutes
BF
Activity
BF/cat nap 5-515
Activity
Dinner  between 630 and 7
Wind down
Bedtime 8

He used to take 2 hour lunch nap now occasionally 90 minutes but generally 40.  He still wakes at midnight to BF and occasionally 4am.  Currently he feeds or rocks to sleep, have not been able to get him to self settle.  After the midnight feed he often co sleeps because it's easier which is another habit I should probably break but as the mom of 4 kids ages 6 and under I'm exhausted.  Suggestions on schedule?  How to get him to nap longer at noon?  Ideas on gently helping him to self settle and to break the co sleep habit at night? 

[Katet]

I think doing the 2 catnaps and 1 longer nap is part of the problem. The awake times and his age encourage short napsnaps. It's push the first nap out to 3 hours 3 hours 15 if possible. So 10amish. If you get a nap closer to an hour you have an11am wake up, so you hopefully get to 2.30pm for a second nap, which if it's 90 mins or longer (which hopefully it will be after 3 hours A time) that would get you to 4pm and move bedtime closer to 7pm

Learning to self settle is about a consistent pattern that has  rituals that indicate what's next. By 9 months verbal cues can be used. BUT it does take time and emotional energy as there will be protest cries about the change. At 9mo with older siblings you can play some 'sleeping games' and get them to show the baby what to do. Rather than feeding and rocking, try PUPD in the crib, with stroking and verbal cues. It's a journey where you need to realise it will take time and effort and there will be baby steps in success. You are changing 9months of habits so don't expect instant success. Also once you decide to stop feeding to sleep don't go back as that is unfair and confusing. I'd keep the rocking for a whole but only rock until relaxed and then move to the crib.

[albers30]

The only problem with that schedule change is due to school pick ups and activities by 230 the day gets pretty crazy and the chance of a nap more then 15-30 minutes is very unlikely.  Also, he almost always falls asleep in the car coming home from school drops offs which usually falls between 915-930. Any other suggestions? 

I should be more clear, we've made the progress from feeding to sleep to feeding and/or rocking to wind down until very drowsy then I generally do PUPD until asleep.  I've been doing that for weeks and the PUPD's still frequently escalate to extreme crying to the point where I have to start all over.  I've tried every wind down routine to help him settle without feeding to wind down and the only thing that works at all is if he is rocked for an extended time. We've even done bedtime routine right along with the older ones so he can watch them do it and it doesn't help.  I'll keep plugging away.