Independent sleep at risk, AP showed up- please help fine tune 'damage control'

[Nora2kids2]

Hi,
I think we have an Accidental Parenting issue.
My DD2 turned 1y old 2weeks ago. She has been an Independent sleeper for a while (for about 10 months with some hiccups on the road) and has STTN for a month or so. She falls asleep in the evening during BF. The 1-2 other naps she falls asleep on her own. (I sing 2 lullabies and put her into the cot then leave the room. She usually is asleep in 2-5mins)

On Sunday I went to church and DH was supposed to put DD down for the first nap but something went off. He tried some AP (rocking her in his arms, taking her out for some more play and who knows what). After 1 h DD fell asleep and slept 2h30m. As this long A and S spoiled the routine we went with a 1 nap day and put DD down for the night at 6pm (which has happened some time already with no issue or EW).
Unfortunately, She woke at 7:30pm. Here came I think my AP into the picture. I BFed her- no use, redid bed time routine -no use - as I left the room she stood up in the cot and cried. Tried WI/WO - she got more upset. Stayed next to her cot until she fells asleep and left when she didn't move for 2-3 mins - no use, she stood up as soon as I stepped out of the room. In the end I took her to my bed and she slept with me.
I guess this was a big big mistake.
We have this 'standing up and crying' situation for the last two naps and she also woke last night and I could make her sleep only in my bed.

The last nap (this morning) I did WI/WO like 20 times (she always immediately stood up as soon as I stepped away from the cot and cried). In the end she was so tired that she could hardly open her eyes so I stayed at her side and she fell asleep in 3mins.

Can you give me some advice on how to proceed? I am not sure that my WI/WO techniqe was ok, since in the end I still stayed with her until she fell asleep...I don't want to mess things up even more and develop a bad habit for her.
I guess I should go forward with the WI/WO... shouldn't I?

thanks
Nora

[newkidontheblock]

Hi Nora. I don't have any experience with WI/WO as my LO was spirited and it would have riled her up. What did work for me was sitting next to her crib and repeating the same phrase over and over again. Basically what happened was my previously independent sleeper would not settle for ages at BT. She would only stay asleep with me patting her but would wake up as soon as I removed my hand/ left the room. Eventually we tried the technique I mentioned. I just kept repeating 'go to sleep darling' It took 2 days with quite a bit of crying and then she was back to normal. After that if we ever had difficulty, we did the same thing and it worked. The crying did bother me a lot but all the lovely ladies here explained that as long as I was there with her, soothing her, I wasn't leaving her alone to cry and I was just helping her get back to independent sleep. Hope that helps! Xx

[Nora2kids2]

I am afraid that if I stay next to her crib until she falls asleep I will be a prop for her. She falls asleep in 10 mins if I stay with her (based this morning nap) but I thought I am teaching a bad habit. Isn’t this the case then?
I tried to avoid this as I just so hate the feeling when she closes her eyes, I think she is asleep and try to sneak out from the room but then the floor creaks and she wakes up and the process starts from the beginning. With no exaggaration my pulse is so high in that 2 minutes of sneaking out that  I feel like I am having a heartattack. I guess I stress too much about this 

[newkidontheblock]

*Hugs* I had this exact same question when I got this advice on here but what they explained is that I'm not a prop. Our children already know how to sleep independently. They are just going through something and need our support. So ultimately she is doing all the work of actually going to sleep. You are just there saying I'm here for you but this is bedtime and you need to sleep. We mainly had this problem crop up at bedtime. Could you share your EASY with me?

[Nora2kids2]

Ohh, thanks for the explanation. Now, it makes more sense to  stay  with her during BT and not having a bad conscience because of it.
We are transitioning to 1 nap slowly so have 1 nap day and 2 nap days dependant on the 1st nap’s length.
Typical 2 nap days:
6:30 WU
4h or 4h15m A
1h15 S
4h A
30m S
3 h A
BT around 7:45 or 8pm

1 nap days
6:30 WU
4h or 4h15m A
1h40m- 2h10m S
5h ish A (to make it until 5:45pm at least)
BT at 5:45pm -6pm

if the second nap would start  after 4:30pm I rather keep her awake 1 hr more and have an early BT ( it would be very difficult to put her down for nap, as I tried it once or twice and didn’t work out at all). Since DD1 goes to school in the morning DD2 wakes not later than 7am,too,  so I don’t want to put her down later than 8:00pm.

I hesitate to increase her first A 10-15 mins but I want to wait 1-2 days to get over with these crazy nights and EWs we have had the last few days (5am WU on Monday, 1.5 h NW Tuesday, yesterday 2 WU but slept back in 5mins).
I think she is facing a development milestone- she stands up everywhere and takes few steps next to the coach -together with the 2-1 trans and some teething   
Poor little girl. She is an adorable, happy little angel (or was until last week) 

[Katet]

Generally speaking if a child has the skill they don't lose it, rather there are greater needs that over ride the ability to function and use that skill.
Often bedtime and night  is when they try to fill their emotional cup so often it's because their development stage needs a tweak in how we spend time with them.

[Nora2kids2]

Hi,
She goes to sleep fairly well for the morning nap now, but fights the afteernoon nap and is awake for an hour at night (Thu: 3-4 am, Fri: 2-3am) even if I sleep with her on the couch in her room. She is just tossing and turning 80 times but can’t close her eyes (no crying).
Any advice please on what to change?
Thanks

[Katet]

Im wondering if it's the monitor that is your problem in the night. If she's not upset, then really it doesn't matter if she is physically asleep or not if she's restless but not unhappy and not calling for you then it's not a sleep issue rather a monitor issue. Monitors are good if you are too far to hear a cry but if used to 'spy' they can cause a lot of anxiety and stress in parents and early intervention when none is needed.

[Nora2kids2]

Hm... I only go to her room at night when she is calling out (but she is not crying, that’strue). And then she is already standing in the crib. You suggest that maybe I should wait a little more and should go to her room only if she is really crying?
Side note: I am not using the babymonitor at night as I sleep so light that I would wake up at every movement of hers.

[Nora2kids2]

Reading through tha FAQ the hundredth time it occured to me that maybe the NW is due to OT. E.g yesterday she napped only 1h in the morning and  refused the pm nap which led to a 6h30m A ( I had to go to Dd1 Mother’s day to the school).
I wonder if I should cut back the am and pm A time to 3h50m (it is 4h15m now) and see if she naps better or accepts the pm nap.
Is this a stupid idea?

[newkidontheblock]

Going to 1 nap is a tricky time. It is hard to avoid OT build up and honestly, weird stuff creeps up. Our days were similar - alternating between one and two naps- and we also started getting early wakings, so yes, OT can be the culprit. Also she might just be wanting to try out new skills. At this point, we didn't go in to get unless she was crying for us and then we laid her back down and kept repeating our sleepy phase. It took a while but it did work and it did pass. It was around this time that I realised I didn't only have to look at the A before bedtime but rather total day sleep.

[Nora2kids2]

Thank you Ladies for the conforting words. I will try what you adviced and hope for the best

[Katet]

Yes if she is calling out maybe go to the door and remind her it's time to sleep, but don't make it your goal to have her asleep rather that it's sleep time. Then leave her to it and only go if she gets upset.
It's actually surprisingly common for them to wake up and want to stand and look around, check someone is around etc. My Aunt tells the story of my cousin (58) who used to party at 2am. Her great grandson now 2 and Grandaughter lived there for a while and the great grandson did it at 4am the whole stay which was months.

[Nora2kids2]

  great guests
Yesterday we managed to get her sleep 2 times and she STTN!!!
So I tend to think more and more that the party time is due to OT.

We changed the nap time routine a little and stay with her until she falls asleep, which takes 10 to 25 mins. I see her much more relaxed than with the WIWO method. Maybe that is not suitable for her as she got more upset then.

I really hope we are back on track (knock on wood)

[newkidontheblock]

All the best