stressful activity time!

[Hopper]

Please help!
I have a 15 week dd who I seem to be struggling with when it comes to activity time.  She suffers badly from reflux and the poor little thing has already been admitted to hosital twice with related feeding issues.
By the time she was 4 days old she had lost so much weight and was so poorly she had to be tube fed and rehydrated with an iv drip in her little arm. 
She's had numerous examinations, blood tests and xrays and I'm sure this has left her quite nervous when it comes to being handled.  There is very little calmness with Isabelle, she gets so upset when I pick her up and absolutely refuses to sit on my knee or have cuddles. 
She is the same with everyone.  On our last appointment with the paediatrician she got absolutely hysterical when the consultant picked her up to examine her.  She just couldn't calm down, refused to feed and got rehydrated.  She was still screaming the hospital down at midnight and ended up staying the night, again being tube fed and a drip in her arm.  It was horrendous.
I'm convinced she just doesn't trust me anymore. We are beginning to get on track with the feeding and sleeping (thanks to swaddling - what a Godsend) but our activity time is really stressful.  Isabelle loves going out in the pram but any activity which involves being handled gets her really upset.  I often end up swaddling her and putting her back in her cot because this is the only way to calm her.
Sorry, I know I'm rambling but I really need help.  Can anyone offer any advise of ways to encourage her to stay calm when handled.  I waited years for my precious daughter, it took 6 attempts of ivf to get her and now she's here she doesn't seem to like me!  She had a diificult start in life and it seems to have thrown us off track.  Will things ever improve, or am I being oversensitive?  Are some babies just more reluctant to be handled?
Thanks, Gayle.x

[beccarman]

hi,

not sure i'll be much help as i don't have any experience of this kind of thing but wanted to say i was thinking of you.

just some thoughts...have you tried putting her in a bouncy chair and singing to her or showing her a book or toys? maybe that way she could interact with the things you show her without having to be handled so much? also have you got a sling or baby carrier? this might be a nice way for you to be close to her without her feeling uncomfortable as she will only need to be handled to get in not once she in there...you could play on the floor with her in the carrier so she can see the toys in front of her or you could stand in front of a miror and make faces or sing...sorry if this all sounds silly!

have you got a moses basket? could you put it in the living room so she could perhaps be swaddled but you could talk/sing to her do songs with action play with toys etc again so she doesn't have to be handled all the time but can interact, you might be able to unwrap her over time so she can reach out for things...even swaddling her and putting her on the carpet with some toys or under a play gym might be nice?!

i am sure your dd will grow to like and indeed love you, in fact i'm sure she already does. be confident when you handle her and remember all babies cry when handled at some time so its not you doing something wrong, shes just a bit delicate and will get more robust as time goes on i'm sure!!

i hope things start to get better soon and i also hope that my mad ideas help a tiny bit.

bec
xxx

[maggieruth]

Bec had some great ideas,
just wondering: can you hold her WHILE she is swaddled?
swaddling provides deep pressure to babies (and helps them figure out where their limbs are) and deep pressure is relaxing...
the problem with upset los is they push away from you and its hard to handle them confidently then or give them a comfortable deep pressure squeeze...
can you just lie beside her on the floor or on your bed so that she spends time being next to you without activating her fear that holding = pain, tubes, suffering?
i am certain she loves you very much but the world is a confusing scary place for her right now, you will find a way to show her nicer things too!
thinking of you and sending you hugs!