what does wind-down activity mean?

[Justynatym]

I'm a mom from Poland and I haven't read the book by Tracy.
I have sleeping problems with my 3-month-old girl.
I am reading a sleep interview where Tracy suggests wind-down activity before going to bed Please write me what it is because my baby is overactive and probably it will help me a lot.
My life is a nightmare so far
Justyna

[Mariek]

Hi Justyna

Welcome to the BW site

"Wind-down" activity is basically a period of quiet time before putting the baby down to sleep. This can be whatever routine you want to use but you might want to think about:

- bathtime
- story time (even though they don't understand the words at 3.5 months the relaxing tone of your voice can soothe them).
- keeping the lights low in the room
- cuddling on a rocking chair

Basically, anything that gets them away from the activity of the day and lets them relax before bedtime.

Hope that helps

love

[nathansmum]

My 6 week old boy won't settle down easily for his naps or bedtime and then wakes between 15 to 40 minutes after. I don't know what to do to make bedtime easier.

any advice :?:
an exhausted mom

[Nikki~Nathan&Danielle]

Hi nathansmum (love the name - that used to my first user name on this site  :wink: )

Could you post your typical routine, what naptime/bedtime ritual you have in place, how does he goes to sleep etc and I'll see if we can help you get sorted.

[nathansmum]

Sorry it took so long to reply! (busy days!)

So here is what a typical day looks like (this is january 16 starting at midnight):

Woke at 3:30
E: 3:35 to 4:00 (wonder if he was really hungry)
down around 4:00 and asleep around 4:30

woke at 6:45
E: 6:50 to 7:30 (interrupted by poopy diaper change)
A: looking at me
started winding down around 7:40-45
S: around 8:30

E: 10:00 to 10:30 (interrupted by poopy diaper again!)
A: 10:30 to 10:45 looks at me for a little then lays quietly on swaddle on bed before swaddling him
Down 10:50 asleep by 11:30
Woke at 12:20 (decided to feed since half an hour only before the 3-hour mark)

E: 12:30 to 13:00
A: looks at me
Down: 13:30-45 (hard wind-down and to put to sleep)
S: 14:30
Woke at 15:50

E: 16:00 to 16:25
A: probably looking at me and diaper change
D: 16:40
S: thought he fell asleep by 17:15 went back in 17:30, then 17:50, then 18:10 by which time I stayed 15 min.
Woke at: 19:00

E: 19:05 to 19:30
A: probably none since hard nap before...
S: Hard to settle and wind-down, finally fell asleep by 21:00
Woke at 23:15 (either by himself or me to dream feed, I can't recall)

E: 23:20 to 23:40
D: 23:42
went back in at 20 after midnight to pat and stayed in 20 min. to make sure he was asleep!

So this is pretty typical although sometimes there are more hard to settle nap times, or he wakes after anywhere from 15 to 45 minutes.

I exclusively breastfeed Nathan (with a bottle of expressed milk once in a while to give me a break). His feeding times take anywhere from 10-15 minutes to 30 minutes. After that amount of time he usually start to suckle only and deforms and hurts my nipples. Sometimes he will just have one breast and sometimes two (that's either when I want to make sure he's had enough or because he starts bobbing on and off the first one angry that nothing is coming out anymore and not patient enough to wait for a second let-down that sometimes comes after more or less 5min.) Is this o.k? I know Tracy says to only do single side feedings... Sometimes if he is done on the one breast in 10-15 minutes and I try to put him on the other to make sure he is not hungry anymore, he will take it but then end up spitting up most of that extra milk!

I'm very perplex! There are so many questions running through my mind sometimes that I think it will explode!!!
Enough milk, not enough milk!
Hungry, not hungry!
Tired, not tired!
Overstimulated or just tired!
Pain or no pain, or just overstimulated!
HELP!

My wind-down routine for naps and bedtime is as follows:
-Put soft lullaby music on
-sometimes a diaper change if I haven't done it before the music was on
-Swaddle and offer pacifier
-switch soft light off (keeping only soft nightlight on)
-sit in rocking chair (not rocking) quietly (that's usually when he starts fussing and fighting)
-try to calm him with sssh-pat (both or either one) or put him in crib and sssh-pat there depending on what I feel
-sometimes we use a heartbeat or wave sound machine

And the rest is history: it either works, takes a long time to work or both with him waking up later on...
(for bedtime, he will sometimes have a bath, maybe every 2 nights. We don't always give it since we sometimes think it's too much for him after a hard day of bad nap times)

Also, we tried cluster feeding at 5 and 7 or 6 and 8. But that turns out really bad since he is so hard to put down! So we basically spend the hour he should be sleeping putting him down to get him up to feed right after! Do we really need to put him down or could we just do E at 5 then bathe him, then go straight to nursing again after his bath and then bedtime?

Is there anything I need to change or start doing??? Sometimes I think I put him in bed too soon and that he is fighting me because he isn't ready to go down quite yet. Could that be possible?
Being a mom is soooo not "EASY"!!!

Thanks for taking the time to read me and to help! It will so greatly be appreciated!
marilyn

[Nikki~Nathanamp;Danielle]

Hi Marilyn

OK, so he's up for about an hour after waking before you start to wind down?  That sounds about right - is he giving you sleeping cues that indicates he's tired at that point, or is he giving them sooner?  Just wondering if you're missing the window a bit.  He's definitely going to be overtired by the time he's fallen asleep which is why he's only lasting a short time down.  It could be that he needs a good 20mins winddown before bed - so all very quiet, in a dim room, gentle talking/singing, maybe change the routine so the point where he currently starts to fuss perhaps miss out or change location etc.  In fact until you can get this sorted out a bit, I'd keep all activity times really low key to avoid overstimulation completely in the meantime.

Is it possible that he's got reflux - just quesitoning because you mention he spills if you fill him up completely?  Check out the reflux forum at the top, there is a list of possible symptoms.  Does he cry and fuss and seem in pain at all?  Otherwise, I think that offering both breasts is fine, my dd would sometimes only want one and other times seemed to want more and would take the 2nd.  If he's going 2.5-3hrs between feeds quite happily, then you're offering the perfect amount of food for him.

Do we really need to put him down or could we just do E at 5 then bathe him, then go straight to nursing again after his bath and then bedtime?

I favour this method myself and did this with my ds (didn't work for my dd, she didn't like the feed too close to the previous). 

I'd aim for the 7pm bedtime and not rewake him for another cluster feed, but offer the DF later if he'll take it.

HTH

[nathansmum]

Hi Marilyn

OK, so he's up for about an hour after waking before you start to wind down? That sounds about right - is he giving you sleeping cues that indicates he's tired at that point, or is he giving them sooner? Just wondering if you're missing the window a bit.

You know what? You might be right about missing the window and the 20 min. wind-down. I thought that missing the window could be it but didn't understand how that could be... But now I think that I got it! He usually starts yawning after a feed or in a feed, but since it only takes him around 10 min. to feed, I thought that that couldn't be is window right away! But then, if it takes him a full 20 to 30 min. wind-down it would make sense. Because then, I would take 10 min. to burp & change his diaper and by that time, it gives us about half an hour to settle back down to sleep mode and off to dreamland for a good 2 hours!

Hurray! thanks! I'll give this a try!

I don't think he has reflux. He doesn't seem in pain any and is fine with the horizontal position... So I will keep the BF the same that I used to do it...
As for bathtime, I will try it with no sleep after and just go for the feed and THEN sleep...

Thanks for your advice! I'll let you know how things work out!

[nathansmum]

O.K.!
We had a pretty good day yesterday until I missed the window for his 4:00 nap... then, everything went haywire. But today is a new day and we have one good put down which is a very good and encouraging beginning! Hurray!

I think our perfect timing is as follows:
E: about 15 to 20 minutes
A: about 15 to 20 minutes ( including the beginning of wind-down)
S: taking about 20 to fall asleep with a little help from mom once he is down in his crib and then sleeping for 2 hours sometimes interrupted by transition which is fairly easy to help him through (at least yesterday...)

Which gives us the total of 1 hour awake time total!
I hope we continue like this now, I'm praying and crossing my fingers!

Now though I'm a little apprehensive of his first shots in two weeks from now... I hope that by that time we'll have the sleeping part covered and that it won't throw him off too much...


Thank you so much! Sharing was very helpful!

[Nikki~Nathanamp;Danielle]

That's great!  You'll find anyway that the activity times will just gradually be lengthening out until around 6-7mths when they stabilise for a while - so once you just get it figured out, they'll change... It's a combo of figuring out what works, and when it stops working, it's time to reassess what's going on, and see if there are any sleep cues that you're missing.