What do I do first?

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Sorry I've been a bit absent.
When I first suggested the walk in/out for the count of 10,had you tried
that before?
The only reason I ask is that Emily's sep anx was absolutely horrendous.It became
so bad that I asked the HV to take her away as I couldn't cope anymore.She would claw
at me and scream and bite and pull my hair,anything to keep me with her.
I was finding myself pushing her away and shouting at her to get off of me.
Night time was the worst time as she'd spend hours screaming,like you 3-4 hours.
In the end I'd get angry and lay her down again and again (with slightly more force
than was necessary )and then end up picking her up and giving her milk and
putting her back to bed.
The first night I did the walk in/out it took 51 mins.The screaming was heartbreaking
and several times I thought I was going to give in.But I didn't and when she finally went
to sleep,it was great.I went downstairs and DH couldn't believe I'd out her to bed at 6.15pm
and was downstairs before 10pm!!!
By the 3rd night it was taking 30 mins and after that it was only counting about 3 times.
I made sure I did stretching exercises to keep my mind off of the screaming,which really helped,
and as I was doing WW at the time,toned me up nicely.
Sometimes I still have to do it for the odd night,but I can cope with it now.
She still very clingy,but I make sure she knows where I am and I make her take my hand
if she wants to come with me anywhere.
Also if I'm in the kitchen,I sit her on the counter while I'm making tea etc.(as long as I can get to her in
a split second)
Take care and hang in there.I know exactly what you're going through and it's not nice
keep posting,especially to offload

[mango_baby]

Sarah,
I wondered where you went !!
Yes, a while ago you did talk to me about walk in/out. I did stop as he was crazy upset, even more than with the initial PD. I thought there was something wrong, so i did not continue. Now that I know how it can POTENTIALLY go, thanks to you and your experiences ( of course I feel for you having gone through this). Knowing that it does go so difficult lets me know it's okay and to be expected. Your post sounds exactly like me in the night. I have been exactly in that place as well. Not a nice feeling.
Now I am confused though. Diego's mama said to definitely not do walk in/out during separation anx. I am prepared to do it, but I thought it may make matters worse givin our situation at the moment. That was in my last post. Is it okay then, or do I need to wait? Diego's mama said that I will be justifying his fear of me leaving that sep. anxiety has by actually leaving during walk in/out. Now I am confused. It seems like your life, once like mine is now, has grown much better since you did it. What should I do?

Melissa

[jessica and emilys mummy]

I know I read not to do it through sep anx,but,I was really at the end
and may have done something silly had I not done this.
Strangely though,when she was getting more sleep,she was less
anxious during the day.As I said,it hasn't gone completely,but at least
I can cope,knowing when she's in bed,at least she sleeps.

[mango_baby]

Thank you everyone for all your help. You have been great. I now know exactly what to do and I appreciate all your time and support.
OF COURSE, for the past 2 night everything has stopped and he goes to bed, wakes at 4:30 and PD only takes 1 to 2 times and he is back asleep. He is an absolute joy all day. I was so muddled in it I hardly even realized how his temperment had become so miserable, clingy and whiny all day. We're on the up, and I feel now I can implement some techniques to encourage his self soothing and stop his dependance on me to fall back asleep at night.

Thank you all.
I'll keep you posted,

Melissa

[elfin]

It is amazing how better everyone feels when the sleep gets sorted out!  I'm glad things are working out for you now.

Keep us posted!

[imsmum]

Melissa you could be describing my dd! My dd is somewhat spiirited and I'm sure that I too have become "the prop in the room" which I'm trying to deal with so I'm very interested to see how things go with you. 

A couple of things I've read about this type of personality is that they love routines and that it actually takes them a while to transition from one thing to another.  I think in one of Tracy's books she talks about her older daughter being spirited and how she couldn't stray from a routine even a little or watch out!  So first of all don't feel bad--it sounds like even the Baby Whisperer herself had some challenges with her spirited lo! One thing that you might want to do (although you are probably already doing this already) is keep the bedtime routine VERY structured, even down to the little things.  One night while getting dd ready for bed I kissed her feet as I took off her socks--now she gives me her feet every night to kiss!  so think of even the little things and try to keep those the same as even the small things seems to be important to this personality type.

I'm also going to try implementing the suggestion to talk about their day at winddown to help process it.  Sometimes when my dd is awake at night I hear her talking about people and things so i figure that she may need t put her day behind her before moving on to night.  One thing my nanny does at my lo's nap is to stand next to the crib and just talk about the morning and then tell her that it's naptime and that when she has a good sleep they'll go and pick my older dd from school etc.  and then she leaves.  My dd falls asleep in 10 minutes! I think this helps her adjust to being in the crib with the comfort of so being there and lets her  know what to anticipate and is a comfort to her especially since she also has sep anx. 

What also seems to work is not starting winddown before she'sr ready.  My dd lets me know when she wants to go up to bed and surprisingly it is always around the time she is supposed to.  She knows "nigh nigh" comes after dinner and some nights she wants to go up right away and other nights she may want to play for 10 minutes.  I find if I try to get her ready before she wants it is a screaming  fit waiting to happen whereas if I give her some control over the situation she's much calmer and seems to adjust better.

Don't know if any of this will help you.   We're all keeping our fingers crossed for you!

[mango_baby]

imsmum,

Thank you for your info. I have been wel aware that routine as well as transitions are a very important touchy subject with my little one. I knew this when he was just a few months old. We have the same bedtime routine as we have had since he was born ( a little longer now though and have added a few things ie massage). I agree with you on all you say. They are tough little ones, but very sensitive as well. We began going over the day at bedtime. Don't notice much difference.
Keep up the good work your doing, sounds like you know what your doing. I hope everything continues to get even better for you as time goes on. Thanks for your support.

Melissa