15wks- I am an accidental parent- WHERE do I start??

[SShold]

I just read one of Tracy's books and I am so excited to do the EASY routine.  But I don't know where to start.  My baby (2nd child) is just over 3 months.  She sleeps in my bed and therefore is nursed to sleep a lot.  She wont sleep unless she is being held.  And during the day I bounce or rock her to sleep.  I have set a start date as this Sunday where I can devote all of my energy to break these bad habits and get her on a routine.  But where do I start?  It will be so many changes for her- especially to learn to self soothe AND to sleep alone.  How do I transition her out of my bed?  Is it OK to use the pacifier to help get her to sleep?  At this age do I do the shush or the PU/PD method?  ANY advice is appreciated!!

[Arwyn's mom]

Hello,

I discovered BWing when Arwyn was 11 weeks. First of all, I really worked hard to follow the routine of EASY. I ignored "how" she was going to sleep for the time being (except I didn't nurse because I knew she had already eaten) and also how long she was napping. This kind of "patterning" gave me a chance to adjust my habits and her habits. Then after 2 days, I started "training" for her and I.

Then, what we did for sleeps was take it slowly. We started with night sleep and held her until she was in stage 3 drowsiness and then put her down in her crib. In about 3 days, we could put her down pretty much awake... not WIDE awake, but eyes open and before the thousand mile stare. We were consistent with the bedtime routine... bath, book, boob and then bed.

Then I started to work on naps. I started by putting her down in her crib at stage 3... same as night sleep. If she woke up or cried, I patted her back (she was a tummy sleeper). She was never a very good napper at this stage. We had short naps (45 minutes) until about 6 months.

It can be done. Pick something you want to work on and start there. Don't feel like you have to "fix" it all at once. It will become overwhelming if you approach it that way. For a your baby, try the pat/shush method first. Pick up/put down may be too stimulating. If you have Tracy's book, The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems, have a look for your baby's age group. It provides quite some detail on how to adapt her techniques for the age.

I too... held Arwyn for all her naps and was nursing her to sleep often as well. We did end up getting rid of the holding & nursing, etc. but due to colds, teeth, etc. I am again, re-training Arwyn for all her sleeps so... it can be done, it just takes small steps, consistency and lots of patience.

Good luck.

[Intransit]

I agree with the above post. I started Easy @ 3 months with my son--and within a few days I saw a great change in how he was. I started with HOW he was going to sleep, since he didn't sleep in my bed. However, nights and days were hell before this time!!!! Also, the 3 hour feeding was really helpful, because sometimes Id feed him just because I thought he was hungry--and he wasn't, he was just tired.So, the guidline for feeding was really useful. I actually STARTED using a paci when EASY began, because honestly, he wouldn't go to sleep unless he was sucking on something! So, that is still in use now....but only in bed and only for the first few min of sleep(he spits it out). He isn't at all addicted to it during the day, which I am so thankful for! Moving on....it takes time....I realized that I wasn't spending enough time on his "needs" which I really didn't recognize, and once I took notice of his needs etc..and spent the time...life was so much easier. I used that book like a bible for about 2 months. And now..I have the happiest baby ever.

[cassidyJamiesmom]

I too, am a fellow accidental parent.  My dd is 12 wks on Thurs, tho my probs are a little different but not so different.  She has been sleeping exclusively in her carseat since about 2 wks, it started cuz of her reflux but then she could not get to sleep without the shhh and the ROCKINg of the carseat (going to be hard to rock the crib  )

45 min naps are our middle name here, but she always wakes up from them miserable...  hence the cycle of shhh/rocking to extend the nap which is only successful 75% of the time, and is VERY time consuming (i have another child too)

Night sleep, also in the carseat, is also bad.  She goes one long stretch from about 7-1 or 2, then the rest of the night i struggle with her to get 45 mins of sleep at a time.  I am at my wits end here.  I wish i could offer you more than a great big hug and the knowledge that you are not alone.  I think I will take some of the advice here, and work only on naps first and trying themin her crib.  i will use the pat/shhh for now till she is a little over 3 months then i may try the PU/PD if we are still unsuccessful.

We should keep eachother posted as to what is working and what is not.  I keep trying to tell myself it will get better by 6 mos... but at 3am, after 3 months of sleep deprivation you can almost lose your mind...

Hang in there, u r not alone!!

[Intransit]

Sorry you are having a hard time....just take it one thing at a time...and Im sure it will improve. As I said, or I think I said before...my frist 3 months were HELL with my baby. I didn't enjoy it all that much either. BUT..as soon as I started BW it changed dramatically. It was like he ran our household..and that was stressful. But...I started with the naps...HOW he fell asleep.....cause I wasnt really sure of anything at the time....Id rock him, walk him...pat him..but never IN the crib. PU/pd never worked for him either (hes 8.5 months now) and still doesn't, it just irritated him for the most part. But still, Pat shh works so well--when needed.I thought it was funny how In her book, Tracy said the baby will have 3 climaxes of crying. Was SO true with my son. And he never had one more than that either. It gave me alot of encouragement because someone had written it down..and I could know that there was a light at the end of the tunnel.ven, it takes some time and dedication to get to that point...but once you're there you feel as though you won a million dollars Once you get the nap thing down, then one by one everything will come together. Good Luck!

[jforget]

I'm totally in the same boat!  Thing with me is that lo's first 3 mths have been just brutal -- 3 wks at home with mum and dad, then dad moved to another city to start work so lo and I flew back to where my Dad lives to live for the next 4 wks.  Came back to home, 10 days with dh, while I WORKED 8-10 hr days at home, then dh left again, grandparents helped while I worked for another 2 wks 8-10 hours to finish my project.  THEN -- project finished -- packed up the house and moved to the new city to be with dh! How's that for a first 3 mths?  To top it off, I just found out about a week ago that my thyroid has gone on the blink again and my levels are too high -- thus affecting my milk supply!  Had to feed lo almost every 1.5 to 2 hrs for about 5 days -- things seem to be improving now. 

SO-- that's the stage, lo generally goes 3 hrs between feeds pretty easily, naps are not bad, though if I miss his "window" of putting him in his swing (he's NEVER slept in his crib) I have to walk around with him until he falls asleep.  Doesn't have much of a bedtime routine -- times are inconsistent too though I try to aim for 8pm.  I still feed him to sleep (only do this at night -- during the day he's on EASY). Then he goes to sleep pretty good, but is up every 3 hrs during the night!!  He's never slept longer than 4.4 hrs at night -- and hasn't done that since he was about 6 wks old......

I basically don't know where to start with him -- naptimes in the crib or bedtime in the crib??  Bedtime might be hard as he falls right to sleep off the boob....problem there is that I basically have to go to sleep when he does...fine when I'm tired, but I don't want to be doing this for the rest of my life!! Or should I try to develop a consistent night time routine before I start trying to get him in his crib? Any tips for moving him into this crib?  I'd say he's a pretty spirited baby, with a touch of textbook thrown in!!

Any help/suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated! I just feel a bit overwhelmed with everything that's gone on over the last few mths!

[Minibird]

I was an accidental parent too, until I started BW with my Daisy at 12 weeks. 

I just started by watching the clock and trying to adapt her to a three hour routine (we were all over the place  and she was usually over tired).  To start with I didn't worry about how I got her to sleep for her daytime naps, or how long she slept, I just bobbed her to sleep as I had always done and fed her after three hours.

Then, once we had the eating every three hours, I started teaching her to sleep in her cot using pat/shh.  She screamed the place down to start with, asking for the bobbing, but now only two weeks later she grissles if she is not in her cot on time!

It is very hard work for the first week or so, but so well worth the effort.  Daisy is much happier for the change - and so am I!