Not so E.A.S.Y...:-(

[SallyAndNick]

Hi,

We have a baby girl of 6 days old today, and we have been trying to implement the EASY routine since Monday, but feel like we are getting nowhere, except getting frustrated.  Amelie was 8lbs at birth, so we have been trying to keep her to a 3hour cycle.  She wakes up, we feed her, *try* to keep her awake through nappy changing etc, and then go to put her down - so far she just doesnt go down, even though she yawns and looks tired.  She's eating 90-100ml of formula (we arent breast feeding for personal reasons) in a feed now, we do some activity, put her down when shes looking tired, and before we know it shes screaming.  We wind her, as sometimes thats it, but often its not, she just seems to make a noise which we try to deal with for the next 45 minutes, then give her some more food and she seems to be fine. In the afternoons when we wake her for feeding, she almost falls asleep during the feed and is almost impossible to wake up, and we can get little to no activity out of her, so once she pushes the bottle away we put her down for sleeping ...when we do this, she then wakes up screaming! Expressed milk knocks her out for a while, but thats probably just the oxytocin.

Maybe our feeding windows are too short? We feed her until she clearly doesnt want anymore, or is falling asleep and we cant wake her.  However, we have been following EASY, so we naturally try to interect some A after the seemingly completed feed.  The activity often has Amelie wriggling and we cant work out if she wants a dummy or food - we give her the dummy and sometimes she keeps it in, and then spits it out.  When Amelie is clearly yawning and eyes are rolling, we put her down in the cot and sit by her; so far this is always difficult as she soon starts to cry.  We then spend the next 10-15 minutes winding her because it seems like thats the problem, then put her back down; still she begins to cry.  We try the dummy, it works for a few moments, then shes crying again.  This can go on for another 15 minutes until we decide maybe shes hungry (we are learning here!), and Amelie takes the bottle, polishes off only about 20ml to 30ml, but then sleeps.  We are worried she will connect sleeping with eating.  What seems clear to us is that Amelie eats to the point where she just doesnt want anymore, we wind her and offer more food but shes not interested.  We then play with her, possibly change her nappy, and then when she starts to look tire,d put her in the cot...eventually we end up having to give her more food. 

Should we just persevere with the feeding before activity and nappy changing, even though this could go on for sometime? Currently Amelie tells us (in so many words) she doesnt want any more food after about 20minutes, which includes stops for winding.  Waiting for a certain length of time and trying her again with the bottle doesnt seem to work, so we move into the A phase, only to result back at E before S can happen.

I suspect this is a bit gobbldigook - we are soooo tired.  Any advice here would be so welcome!

Thank you in advance,

Sally and Nick.

[Intransit]

HI there,
I started my LO on EASY  @ 3 months, only because thats when I found out about it.
Im no expert...but at so young..In regards to eating...especially in the first few weeks...its pretty much on demand...the A time IS very short too...I think the average amount of sleep for one so young is 18-20 hrs per day. Have you tried Pat/Shh to put her to sleep? I know with my son, he would cry, and fight sleep, so Id feed him. But in his case, it wasn't at all what he wanted...he wanted to sleep, but didn't know how to get there. For him, it was the sucking that he wanted.I remember feeding him shortly after he had eaten..and standing uip afterwards with breast milk all over my shirt etc....cause he sucked...then spit it out....all over me. Thus we started the paci which helped LOADS!
Just try to keep in the order of EASY. I think not feeding to sleep is the most common thing that people do....but Make sure...its Eat..then nappy change a bit of "play" and then Sleep. Pat/Shh is amazing. it takes time and perseverance, but so worth it.
Hope this helps....

[HeatherC]

Congrats on your new baby!
I thought I would mention that at this stage (6 days old), there really isn't any A time.  Being awake for the E is part of A time, and after that and possible diaper change, that's about it.  It is going to be hard to keep one that young awake, but any type of rousing you try, even just enough to open her eyes for a minute, a few cuddles, and as stated, the diaper change, is about it.  If she's upset when she is put in the crib, it's probably b/c she's comfy in your arms, as they all are.  Are you doing a routine to transition from eating to sleep area?  Make sure your sleep environment is set: maybe darken the room ,white noise, etc.
These first weeks are a "get-to-know-you" period where you take note of your babies cues and learn what she needs.  Tracy's first book (Secrets of the BW, I think) has a great section on interpreting cries.  It really, really helped me.  As long as you know she's fed, winded, and clean on the bum, she is probably tired and needs help settling for sleep.  They do getting tired from eating, but transitioning to their bed can be unsettling for some.  Using a paci is a good way to rule out hunger against the need to suckle, but some babies just don't want to take one.
Keep us posted.

[SallyAndNick]

Hi Heather,

Thanks for this.  We have noticed that after feeding Amelie is tired, but she doesnt fall asleep.  We do transition her since two days ago, taking her up to her room, drawing curtains, putting on some soft new age music (that which was played during birth actually - not sure if thats soothing or distressing!), and basically slowing down the environment, swaddling (the four-s' out of the book).

After sending the message lastnight we realised that maybe we have been trying to follow the easy plan a bit too much - Tracy doesnt actually give an example for a new born even though it is suggested to try easy immediately, and it is clear the first plan offered which is for 4 weeks old, just isnt cutting it; this is mostly due to us trying to learn a complicated subject in the deep end.  Lastnight we fed Amelie at 8, and she finaly dropped off not too much longer.  At 9:30 she was up again and was rooting with her mouth, so we fed her, and she took 90ml - shes a hoover!  She then settled down reasonably easy (!)  No dream feeding, no clustering, just normal feeding when she wakes.  She woke at 2:15 and we fed her, and she was back in her cot for 2:40, drifting off to sleep.  She then woke at 4:30 hungry, so we fed her.  I thought (Nick) that she would be good-to-go till at least 8, but no, she woke at 6:50.  Fed Amelie again, and put her in her enclosed play pen while Sally got dressed and I sorted the days feeds  - Amelie was wide awake.  Shes now back in bed.

Our fear (which is most probably unfounded) is that we may get her into bad routines, expecting food at wrong times etc...its just a bit of anxiety we have, and I am confident being more relaxed with this is going to help wonders.

Heather, what is a paci?

Thanks for your reply,

Nick and Sally.

[Claudiac]

Congratulations on your bundle of joy! I'm pretty new to the board myself as well. My son is 3 months old. All the little guy did in the beginning was eat and sleep, just like your baby. His 'activity' was the diaper change as some have suggested. A paci is short for pacifier. Remember, newborns have the need to suck on something so use that pacifier when you know she's eaten quite a bit and is doing the sucking gesture. Good Luck!

[SallyAndNick]

sjeb,

Thanks for your tips.  It is becoming clearer the more I read, that we are possibly overstimulating her - its so confusing! In the Baby Whisperer book it mentions not allowing more than 5.5 hours sleep during the day, but maybe we've missed some other important context/detail.  This is why we keep her up, and then she wont settle even with a transition.  This morning was full of cries and seemingly grumpiness, but she eventually went off - she'd fed and been playing together for almost an hour.

Do we ignore this 5.5 hours maximum sleep during the day, especially because Amelie is so young? Knowing the answer to this would be profoundly helpful!

Thanks again,

Nick and Sally.

[SallyAndNick]

Claudiac,

It seems we have been doing chinese sleep-deprivation torture on our little bundle of joy - we do hope she wont be sat in the therapists chair many years fro now, suffering from sleep problems due to some unknown childhood trauma! :-) whoops.  We are going to take it easy with the EASY routine.  Its easy to say its easy, the EASY routine that is, but when one knows absolutely nothing, its not so easy to know what to do, even with the EASY plan.

Thanks,

Nick and Sally.

[LisbonMom]

Hey there, just wanted to congratulate you on your baby girl and for using EASY. You are going to be so thankful you did this in a few months, so hang in there !!!

For us, and I've seen this posted a lot also by other mommies, the first month is really about keeping the E and S separate with some type of A in the middle, usually just a diaper change and a cuddle. Also, making the distinction between Day and Night, meaning there's no A at night and feeds need to be really low-key, minimum light (I use a night light so I won't bump into things), no noise, and straight back to sleep. If you keep these two in mind, you'll see her A time will slowly start to increase and you get to interact with her more.

Remember also that babies get more tired as the day progresses, so A times will be better in the morning and shorter (and crankier) in the evening. As long as you follow her cues, you should do just fine.

Don't worry too much about the hours in the book. Like Tracy herself says BW is more about respecting your child, listening to her and paying attention to her cues, than about following a book. We've all found that some deviation from the books is normal, so go with the flow. Although it's a bit early for it, watch out for growth spurts, first one usually hits at 3 weeks (or not  ).

Lastly, use this community anytime you feel like it. We are all here to help you in any way we can. You'll both find help, support and encouragement here. Having a baby is a major life-event and sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming, but you will love being a parent !!!

Let us know how things are going !!!

Sara

[SallyAndNick]

Hi Sara,

Can I ask you, did you bath your little one as part of getting ready for bed? If so, did this not wake the baby? We are finding that we feed at 6-6:30pm, then begin the winding down ritual: get undressed, remoe nappy, have a bath, put nappy back on and get dressed - getting dressed is done under low lighting.  But, Amelie is wide awake.  So we put her in this little play pen downstairs (I know what your thinking - no activity for night time?), and she sat there for about 20 mins wide awake, then looked like she was fading.  We took her to bed, low lighting, no speaking, did the sitting procedure, she looked like she was out, put her down and she started crying - she couldnt settle.  Eventually, about 10 minutes later I offered her food and she took it - it was expressed breast milk; out like a light (thanks Mrs Oxytocin).  Is this wrong to do? When Amlie is hungry, she cries a lot, and then if my hand goes near her mouth she tries to chomp at it like a rabbied dog! So offering her the expressed milk only happened once she had been doing this, and she demonstrably uninterested in the dummy. I dont want her to associate S with E, but on other occassions this isnt the case...

Thanks for your message Sara, very positive and sensible.

Sally and Nick.

[LisbonMom]

Hey Sally and Nick

I have a toddler  in the house and I like to keep my baby's day as predictable as possible, and my husband is not home every night because he works in shifts, which meant giving a bath was a lot easier in the morning, when big sister is at school. I usually do this after her mid-morning feed. You might want to experiment with that for the early months, to see how she does, then move it to night time. However, some babies get excited by their bath, instead of calming down. In this case, bath with a nighttime routine is not a good idea. I think if you move the bath in the morning you can understand better how it affects Amelie (including how she sleeps after it), then decide on the best time to give it to her. And remember, you don't have to bathe everyday. I do it for skin reasons mostly.

Also, I'm thinking 20 minutes in the playpen plus a bath is too much activity time, IMO, that's why she was so hard to settle afterwards. You might want to experiment with putting her down a little before she shows the signs, try to get her to her cot and see her yawn there. Some babies need that winddown before they're too exhausted.
As for feeding to sleep, I would stick with the dummy, Maybe you could try a different shaped one to see how she takes it (I found my baby likes a different shape than her big sister did), but do stick with it. It's a lot easier to break the feed-to-sleep association now, by the next day she won't remember it. Another thing your first posts had me thinking, how well are you burping her after her feed? Have you tried giving her more after the burp? Sometimes air bubbles make them feel full when they aren't, and after they come out, they'll drink some more.

Keep those questions coming, I'll be glad to help any way I can!

Sara

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