Responding or rescuing? When to go in?

[The Vern]

I'm confused and wondering whether or not I have been 'rescuing' my lo as opposed to responding to her.  My concern is specifically around nap and night wakenings.  When napping, she tends to go for 40 minutes and then start to squak, not cry.  I usually go in after a few squaks and resettle her in 5-10 minutes and she will then nap anywhere from 1-2 hours.  At night, I admit to going in to her almost right at the first squak.  One, I want to avoid her waking fully, thinking I can avoid an all out crying session, and two, I don't want my dh to wake up as he has to get up and go to work.  I'm wondering if I'm going in too soon and not allowing her the opportunity to try to settle herself? How do I know when that won't happen?  When is it best to go in?  I should mention she is 10 weeks old.  She is swaddled, likes the paci to calm down and I use sh-ing in the crib to resettle her (unless she cries, then I'll pick her up to calm her and put her down when drowsy again).  Her being swaddled and using the paci, how can she learn to resettle herself? 

[chell]

Hi, I can understand your reasoning, but like you say, she may become realiant on you to help her resettle, this is probably the case, since she wakes at 40 minutes. I would be inclined to step back and see if she can do this for herself, if not go in and do pat/shh. Make sure she is going into the cot before she's asleep, just on the cusp is ok to start with, so that she does the last little bit herself. The same goes for if you ar pat/shh'ing in the cot, just leave a hand on her if you want, then stop all together just before she drifts off. You can gradually decrease your input over a few days or so.

Hope this helps a bit.

[The Vern]

Chell - thanks so much for your reply.  It does help, but I'm still wondering at what point I should intervene even when it isn't full out crying? I can't let her squak indefinitely obviously, so how long do I let her try before I help her resettle, and before she gets to be wide awake? Obviously hard to say an exact time frame, but any suggestions out there? Or are there other cues to go by?

[Jaime]

i learned to tell the difference by trial & error.  if he was making noise & i went in there and it got LOUDER, i knew i never should have gone in at all.  if i went in & he calmed down, i knew i was right by going in.  slowly, i learned to tell the difference.   

[sazza]

it's good you're getting on to it so early - i have only just realised i have been rescuing by rushing in to get the dummy back in and stop ds waking up fully, and he is nearly 5 months old! sometimes just popping the dummy back in works a treat, but at other times he is fully awake and wants to play. i have been trying sh/pat but this only seems to keep him awake, so over the last couple of days i have been going in every 2 mins when he is like that and squawking, popping the dummy back in if he wants it, pulling the sheets back up, telling him it's nigh nighs time and leaving straight away. he was not happy at first but seems to be getting the hang of it now - it's only been taking 10 mins to settle him the last couple of times (except just now - he woke up early from his nap and wasn't quite crying, nor squawking exactly, and nothing much seemed to help for an hour or so. i guess it's that trial and error thing )

good luck!