Am I doing sth wrong with pu/pd?

[Alicja]

Hi everybody,
I'm not sure if I have understood everything about the method. I have a son (4.5 mo) and I've been using pu/pd for 3 days. My son Damian is crying even over an hour. And he wakes up after about 40-45 min and I don't know if I shoud continue pu/pd then or start with routine or wait for some signs from him (eg. yawning) or what?
Sorry for errors, I'm not from the USA.
Please help and use easy language if possible

[Alicja]

Simple language is probably better, isn't it?

[chell]

Hi Alicja, Sounds as though your lo hasn't yet learnt to get himself back into the next sleep cycle.It's very common. pu/pd is about teaching them independent sleep. Crying for over an hour isn't unusual. However I think if you haven't introduced a good routine (EASY) then you should. There may be other reasons why he is finding it hard to get to sleep such as overtiredness/overstimulation. So if htis was the case and you were able to eliminate these issues, hten PU/PD may become a little easier. Please could you post your routine?

[Alicja]

About my routine: I'm sitting with my son in a chair rocking and singing for a while. Then I put him in his crib saying "You're going to sleep now. Mom is here".  There is dark in the room, no tv, no radio.
I have 2 another quesions:
1. Is it good that I put him down even if he cries or isn't quite calm?
2. When he doesn't cry and begins to fall asleep in the crib I keep my head near his and I say him "shhh", I keep my hand on his forehead or eys too. Does it good or not? Or shall I leave him alone when he is calm and do nothing? 

[chell]

Ok, so you pick him up as soon as he starts crying, hold him until he stops. If he is whining a bitor snuffling etc, it's ok to go ahead and lay him back down. If he stars to cry on the way down, still continue and lay him all the way down to the matress, then pick him up immeadiately.

I think it would be a good idea just to leave him alone once he is quiet, he may just settle himself. I tend to phase out the shhh 'ing first, then soften the pat gradually, then stop. You'll have to judge it. if he starts to cry, go back to patting nad shhing and try again. If he is quiet, leave the room and see!

Sounds like you are doing well!

[Alicja]

Thank you for a quick answer. I left him alone this morning (when he was calm), but it didn't work But I'm going to try again. And here is my question: How is my son going to learn to sleep independently? When he falls asleep I'm with him, he hears "shh" and feels my patting... So it looks like he needs me.. I'm confused 
PS. If you need sth from Poland, I'm ready to help

[chell]

Yes I can understand your confusion. Pat/shh can become props, but the difference to other props such as rocking to sleep, is that you are doing this while they are in the cot. You can then gradually reduce your "input" eg, by reducing and quietening the shh and softening the pat, until all they need is a hand on them. More often then not they just get the hang of what it feels like to fall into a sleep and then know what to do. The patting helps them to focus on something, on themselves, instead of focusing on other external stimuli and things around them. I hope this makes some kind of sense. 

One other thing is that are you sure that when your son cries, he is saying "I need you right now", rather than crying to settle himself (mantra cry)?

[Alicja]

I think that I put him in the cot too early (after 2 hrs of activity). Yesterday I put him later and he cried or dawdled only for about 10 min. I didn't have to pat him. But I see another problem to solve later. He still wakes after 45 min (sometimes he dosn't) and can't sleep any more. He wakes up about 4-5 times at night. And I suppouse it's because he has a dummy when he gets to sleep. It's propably became a prop. What do you think? One more thing: he didn't use to wake like this when he was rocked. Does it make any sense?
And answering your question: maybe I really come too soon to my son when he cries... It may be mantra cry. I'll chceck today.

[chell]

2 hours of activity should be about right for a 4 month old, but I guess they are all individuals, so go by your feelings too. It may be that your lo is getting the hang of things already  Waking sometimes at 45 minutes - sounds as though he is begining to learn how to get himself back, but still needs more practice. That is very interesting Alicja, that he used to sleep right through after being rocked - I mean if this works for you, then I wouldn't worry too much. I guess it may become a problem later on though, perhaps. Did you used to rock him in your arms, then lay him down and that was it?

45 mins is the length of the average sleep cycle for a baby, at this time, they come out of a deep sleep into a lighter phase and if they have not learnt how to get themselves back off, will wake, it's very common. So you have to teach him how - with pat/shh. Yes dummies do become props, if he can cope without one now, I would wean him off.

[Alicja]

About rocking: I kept him in my arms and he felll asleep.
But now I see some hope! He dawdled only 2min  (the 6th day o pu/pd)! His awakening is still a problem, but I'll practice with shh/pat as you adviced. Thank you, thank you, thank you once again that you haven't left my questions without answers!

[chell]

Well done Alicja! Keep going you are well on the way! Keep me informed.

[Alicja]

Hi Chell. All I want to say is that you really helped me and falling asleep is going more and more better. Sometimes it takes my son 1 min, sometimes even 20. But we (my and my husband, and I hope my son too) are on a good track!

[chell]

    You got your lo to sleep in 1 minute!
 
FANTASTIC WELL DONE ALICJA![/size][/font]

Keep up the good work!