Unhappy toddler and mum at wit's end! Can you help us?

[tullyma]

I'm really hoping there might be a few people online right now cos I need advice before DD wakes up from her nap 

I'm a gentle person by nature but I just completely lost it with her earlier. It scares me when I get so angry and upset b/c I don't feel like I can be a good mum to her and I hate that she sees this side of me.

For the past 4 days DD has been soooooooo whingey, crying & tantruming at absolutely everything and I mean EVERYTHING. I can handle her being a spirited child, I can handle that she's an early riser, I can handle that she's a poor eater, but I absolutely can't cope when she gets whiney like this for days on end. I reeeaaaalllly hate her crying. If it happens on the odd day here and there I can cope, but when it's never ending and when she's waking up at night too it really gets to me. She isn't sick so what's wrong with her?

To top it all off she has wet her pants three times today. The first time was on my friend's brand new carpet. She hasn't wet her pants for weeks, pretty much since we potty trained her nearly 3 months ago.

So I went nuts. I have no idea what's wrong with her. I really lost it. I know I'm not supposed to do that when she has accidents but I've had such a shocking few days with her that I have no more patience left. I yelled at her and then I said "right that's it you're going to bed". I put a nappy on her, shoved her dummy in and put her in her cot with her blankie and just walked out again. No "have a nice nap baby, see you when you wake up" or anything. I just stormed out! She went to sleep which is good cos I think I might have really gone mad if she cried.

And now I'm sitting here crying! I really don't know what to do with her when she wakes up. I know I'll have to apologise for being angry with her but if she keeps playing up and crying all afternoon I really think I might kill her! (I don't really mean that BTW, it was just an expression).

It's raining here today so I can't take her to the park. If we stay at home she's just going to get bored and frustrated. We've already been to the indoor play centre this morning.

HELP!!! 

[Katet]

Raining does it to my children, I also see she is close to 2yo... the Birthday time (month or so either side) for my Lo's seems to have them all over the shop emotionally... is she getting teeth, that brought out the worst too.
When I get whingy children, I try to give more Mummy time & also more sleep time if I think it is needed... they still have growth spurts & sometimes I think they do need to sleep more... maybe the earlier waking is due to overtiredness.

The other day when we were house bound I did an "obstecle course" in our living area, cushions to jump on chairs to crawl over, pieces of cardboard for stepping stones etc... the boys loved it. My 2 also love sitting & having stories read (My spirited one isn't high Physical energy (just mental energy) fortunately for me)
Honestly for me the more they annoy me seems to mean the more they need me to spend time with them totally in their face, stop everything else type play.

HTH

[Mommy Moo]

I do feel for you. Those days drive me bonkers too. One thought is that maybe she does need to get out, even if it is raining.  Jump in some mud puddles, anything to get a change of scenery. My kids start to go crazy when they've been inside too much.  I'm not much help, I know, but I'm sure that some of the other ladies here will have some good suggestions.

Just keep repeating to yourself, "This too shall pass".  And have some chocolate

[tullyma]

Thank you! Just as I was reading your replies I heard a whimper from the bedroom  She didn't sleep for long. But the chocolate biscuit I scoffed did make me feel better.

Our afternoon was OKish. She definitely whines less when I devote ALL my attention to HER (read: I can't even get myself a glass of water without her saying "Mummy? What you doing? Mum? Muuuummmmm??" even though I've already told her "Mummy's just getting some water, I'll be right back". It does get very tiring doesn't it.

We played at home for a few hours after she woke up then she seemed to be getting very agitated so I decided to take her down the shops for an hour before dinner time. She was doing great and seemed very happy until she ran smack bang into a table and cut her lip open. She's never clumsy like that! She hasn't had a bump, bruise or scratch on her in I don't know how long.

Kate, when you say you offer more sleep, does that mean an earlier bedtime? Or an extra nap in the day? She has been getting tired way before her usual nap time and will nearly fall asleep in the car if we're out driving, but I haven't let her because in the past if she had a morning nap she wouldn't go to sleep again in the afternoon. Which makes for a very grumpy girl in the late arvo/evening.

[Deb_in_oz]

my spirited dd needs outside time every day if possible and i notice the same behaviour if she is cooped up - i finally decided to let her out in her raincoat if it is not too bad (the past 5 days here have not been calm enough rain to do that so we have been going to places where she can interact with other kids which i think runs a close second to outdoor needs) whether it is a friends house (different toys, more kids so more activity) or daycare or the gym creche... anything to get the social interaction she craves - that also eases up a little of the constant need for mommy attention - sounds like she is an extrovert who gets her energy from others (Olivia is that way which is why if we are home it is me who she sucks all her energy from)

[tullyma]

How does Olivia do at the gym creche? I put Tully in once when she was about 14 months. They paged me over the loud speaker in the gym after 10 mins!! It was Fitness First at it's best - packed with people - so I was slightly embarrassed. She freaked out because there were too many kids and too much noise (I suspected that she would but thought I'd try it anyway). So I haven't been brave enough to go back and try again! My membership fees are still being deducted from my account every fortnight...

[Deb_in_oz]

where are you that you go to fitness first?

how many kids do they have at once?? liv cried the first few times but only til i left and when i woudl arrive back which is how she says "where the heck were you". they said she loved it the hour in between and called her a drama queen (which she is - she can stop mid whinge or scream and start laughing if something catches her eye  )

our creche has a set number of spaces for babies - 18mo and then another set amount of 19mo - school age and they always have 2-3 women on staff. the space is large and there is a lot going on but even babies still manage to sleep in bouncer seats (with a TV/DVD going in one area as well).  Liv truly loves it now and neither girl wants to leave when i come get them (they limit the session as well - 1 1/2 hrs in 1st slot and 2 hrs if 2nd slot of the day) as they don't allow food and the govt obviously thinks kids all need to be fed after 2 hrs or it is abuse 

you definitely need to try several times i think before giving up - i woudl go for a few times where your aim is settling her rather than working out - so plan on the treadmill or a machine not a class - so you can maybe come back to reassure her etc. and if it is terrible you can tell her you can go home and try again another day (and book for 2 days ahead) and try again - repeat a few times if necessary.  maybe when she sees it is not all day etc she will relax more - i only put the girls in for an hour at a time and just this week increased from 2 days to 3.  they know exactly what is coming and what toys they like etc and then we do something together afterwards (trip to the pet store, visit friend or park) I used to use it as a form of compensation / thank you for my mommy time but now i just do it when we want to as i know they are happy there now.

remember 14 mo is different to now - and just like foods i think you need to try a few times before giving up - you need some time too!! (i only just learned that and i have 2 kids  )

[Katet]

Our afternoon was OKish. She definitely whines less when I devote ALL my attention to HER (read: I can't even get myself a glass of water without her saying "Mummy? What you doing? Mum? Muuuummmmm??" even though I've already told her "Mummy's just getting some water, I'll be right back". It does get very tiring doesn't it.

Kate, when you say you offer more sleep, does that mean an earlier bedtime? Or an extra nap in the day? She has been getting tired way before her usual nap time and will nearly fall asleep in the car if we're out driving, but I haven't let her because in the past if she had a morning nap she wouldn't go to sleep again in the afternoon. Which makes for a very grumpy girl in the late arvo/evening.

I have a bit of a different take on the Mummy what are you doing (trust me I've had enough of it) I actually think it is an attempt to engage in a conversation to keep the communication open (they can't think of anything else) rather than actually not wanting you to walk away... I found my now 3yo used to say "what's that" "what are you doing" over & over when we were in the car, once I actually started making the conversation more open & saying eg... Mummy is thirsty so she is getting a drink of water, do you want one too...Oh I can see you are playing with X... it seemed to decrease.

As far as sleep... earlier nap time, but also longer wind-down & earlier & longer "quiet play" at bed time even if it didn't mean earlier bed, just setting the scene for the sleep at an earlier time so when he got there he was more relaxed

[tullyma]

Oh it definitely is her trying to engage in conversation. It's constant. The car is the funniest, she does not stop asking questions and talking. Even when I laugh at something cute that she's said she'll say "you laughing now? ok. funny tully!". It's hilarious  . The latest one is (if I've been reprimanding her over something and then attempt to change the scene and play again) "You happy now? mummy happy?". I always talk back to her of course. "Yes Mummy is very happy. Is Tully happy too? It's fun being happy and laughing isn't it?". I never tire of chatting with her. I just get tired when she cries all the time!

Like this morning when I asked "Would you like porridge or cheerios for breakfast today?". She said "toast". I said "yes, sweetheart, we can make some toast together after, I promise. First we can make some yummy porridge and we can put some honey on top ..." But by this time she had thrown herself on the floor crying because she wanted toast. 

She wet her pants again this morning  I'm suspecting it might be an emotional/attention thing b/c it happened when I left her to go have a shower. It was the same yesterday, it only happened when I left her alone or was talking to someone else instead of her. Do you think I could be right about this?

Deb - our local Fitness First creche is out of control! It's just one big room with 2-3 staff. I don't know how many children they can have at any one time but it always seems like there are about 50! I will definitely try taking her again a few times though, you've inspired me.