? for Stay at home moms

[Jacksmom77]

I just need a little help from the other Stay at home moms out there:

I've been having a problem keeping my little one entertained now that I have NO energy ( 10 weeks pregnant) and I'm also trying to get him to be more independent to gear up for baby #2's arrival...I'm just curious though - I guess as a comparison...what other people do during the day with their lo's...how much independent time, play time, how much undivided attention, etc...

I was talking to some other parents at a play gym I go to once a week, and all but one of them, besides me, has their baby in daycare most of the time - they were explaining that their daycare generally has the kids in play circles, education time - I'm not doing any of this (I kindof wing it - let him play, give him some one on one time, play in the sand, look at books, etc). I'm worried he's not going to be "well rounded" and concerned he's going to lack something those kids are getting  -

am I being paranoid? I  think it would make me feel better if I had an idea of what other moms do that don't do the daycare thing - thanks!

[xxkaty23xx]

Well i fell pregnant when Mikey was only 4months old so mine were closer together than yours and i made it my mission to treat Mikey the same as i would if i wasnt pregnant, i am a stay at home mum and have been since i gave birth to Mikey. I would play with him with his toys and go and visit people as it becomes a bit harder once #2 is around. Make the most of your time with your LO before #2 comes along because it will be a lot harder to get quality time with him alone. I used to put out a giant waterproof mat when mikey was around 11mo and get lots of watery paint and a massive piece of paper and let him sit with just a nappy on and hand paint me pictures, he loved it, and the bath that followed  Or i would buy or make play doh and let him play with that, but obviously theres the eating of play doh to be careful of.... my LO loved the taste  I really dont think he is at an age where he will need prepping for a new arrival, maybe when you get a bit further forward in your pregnancy you could sit with books and point out photos of babies and ask if he wants one, my LO then thought Jay was 'his' present which i found has brought them closer in the long run because now he refers to him as 'my baba' lol. I dont have any thing other than that to say but just enjoy the time you have with your LO and make the most of being able to visit friends and family without having to time a babys naps while you can. Good luck and hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy

Katy xxx

[Nikki~Nathanamp;Danielle]

Don't feel that your child being at home with you is being disadvantaged compared to your friend's children going to daycare. yes, they will get different experiences, but it doesn't make their experiences better.

I am a wing-it type of mum - independent play when my kids want it, playing mum when they want it and one-on-one with each child as the moment presents. I don't have set activities or anything that we run our day like. We have playdates with other kids, we go to the park, we sit out on the grass and play with chalk and roll the ball around, they play in the dirt/sand/water when they feel, they draw when they wnat (all these things are generally available to them) - so they just get them out as they want (well ds gets things out and dd goes along with it - he's leading her into mischief already LOL).

As far as educational stuff - well counting out pieces of food when you place them on the plate, naming everything, talking about colours as you randomly go about your day (pointing out ordinary household stuff), singing nursery rhymes when you change his nappy, reading books together - those are all the same things covered as what daycare children get (my dd has just started a few mornings a week). Socially your child is getting everything from going to a playgroup, talking to people in shops, seeing other kids at the playground...it goes on.

HTH

[Katet]

Honestly the activities of daycare is based around the need for 4+ children to be supervised by only one person, they have to have structure or it won't work. There has been studies that say childcare benefits children & studies that say it causes lots of problems... people can make studies to prove what they want them to prove... my own personal experience with ds#1 is that it made him "less well rounded" & more needy.
As Nikki said, there are plenty of ways to "stimulate" in day to day activities, I actually used to (& still do) when I was preg go & sit by the train station & watch the trains, ds#1 loves trains & buses etc & we could talk lots about them... we had morning tea sitting there nearly every day in the last weeks of my preg, even watching DVD's with them & talking about what they see & what is happening is a good "lazy" activity, I always tired to have books that matched TV viewing eg Spot/Thomas, so we could read about them too.
But letting them take the lead is important & something children in childcare get less experience with, so I think you may find you end up with a well balanced child... childcare is a newish thing & well there haven't been huge problems with well balanced people in the past... time with a caring parent I think is much more important

[Critter]

I have wondered about this too.  I am a new SAHM to my almost 15 month old.  He's generally pretty happy playing with his toys, running up and down the hall and saying "BAAAAAAAAAALL!" but I just wonder if I should be "on" all the time. 

[Jacksmom77]

amystoker:
 

I have wondered about this too. I am a new SAHM to my almost 15 month old. He's generally pretty happy playing with his toys, running up and down the hall and saying "BAAAAAAAAAALL!" but I just wonder if I should be "on" all the time.

That's kindof how I feel: about the being "on" all the time part - I wonder how much "attention" from me is healthy & what other moms have success with.  I don't want to neglect him in any way - but I also want him to learn how to play on his own - & when I'm at home with them all day (other than outings) I sometimes run out of things to do & feel like I'm recycling playtime! Hopefully I'll start to get more energy & less morning sickness & I'll find be able to think of more fun things to do. 

By the way - xxkaty19xx: thanks for the fingerpainting idea - I'm definitely going to do this...my lo loves to make a mess!

[~tess~]

my son was 10 months when i got pregnant with #2.  been there like  you.  you are sick, tired, worn down...

i would sit on the couch and let him play with toys....i would sit on floor and help with toys.  would go for walks.  meet up with friends for play time.  our mall had a play area he liked to crawl on.  we stayed busy and it was very hands on since he was 10 months.

i have never had my kids in daycare...so don't feel pressure about that.  my kids are 3 and 4 1/2 now and everyone around us has kids in parents day out/preschool programs.  my kids are well rounded....they get tons of interaction with other kids.  we have church activities that expose them to adults being in charge(other than mom/dad).  i don't regret staying home all the time with them.  it actually blows my mind how many moms are putting kids in preschool only to go home for the day! 

enjoy this time...yes it is hard when you feel so lousy, but you are 10 weeks....it will get better......and by the time you are 9 months this child will be walking!  you will get through it.  i did.  and tons of others here are well.  it might now be easy, but try to enjoy it!!!  don't get caught up in other's ideas of how to do it.  trust your instinct.  the interaction with others is there and your being home is the best thing!

[Jacksmom77]

Tess,

Thank you sooo much - your post really helped to put me at ease.  Its so frustrating wanting to do more with my lo & just not having the energy - just crossing my fingers that in about 2 weeks I will start to feel a little better.

I really appreciate what you said & everyone else who took the time to post as well. Thank you all so much!

[kim&savannah]

Mine are going to be a lot further apart than yours, but I also struggled with the first half of the pregnancy and neglecting DD--I was throwing up so much though and just felt awful, so there wasn't a lot I could do about it.  If she was (and is) happy playing on her own, I think its good for her to develop that skill and to learn to entertain herself.  And honestly, now that she is older, she comes up with such amazing insights/games/ideas--I'm so impressed with how her imagination is developing--which I don't think it could as well if I was constantly providing the entertainment.

And since we do have a somewhat lengthy winddown routine for nap and night (1-3 books, prayer, 1-3 songs), I know she is definately getting some quality attention from me each day, not to mention all the outings we go on--even if its just to the stores, that is educating her.  I try to take advantage of the things we are already doing to teach her informal lessons, like counting and her alphabet.  At 26 months, she knows the abc song, can recongize the letters that start her name, Mama and Dada and points them out to us everywhere we go, counts to 10, and can actually counts objects up to three or four on her own all the time--and this has all just come from singing and talking with her as we go about our day.  I hope as she gets older, I can do a little bit more formal teaching with her, but for now, I feel pretty good about the education she is getting just staying at home with me and playing and running errands.

NOw, when I was really sick, I did even less--lots of TV time then, but it only took a week or so of telling her the TV had to rest and was sleeping to get her out of that habit and it doesn't seem like any harm was done, so do what you have to while your exhausted and just hang in there!

~Kim

[evanskimberley]

I too am strggling on the energy front, I'm 10 weeks now, I've been very lucky and had my hubby at home for the the last 6 weeks and I'm finding it really hard this week to do it all by myself again. I tryto act as if I'm not pregnant, if I keep going I don't feel so tire, if I laze around on the sofa I tend to feel worse, then I flop whilst she's asleep in the afternoon.

But you can do all sirts of stuff with them at home that is better than daycare, he has you at home for a start. They both have their advantages and disadvantages, but are so diff they shouldn't be compared. As PP have said you don't have to actively do stuff with them to educate or play with them, esp if you are feeling rough. Today we're having a really lazy day, we're only just dressed at 10am, i'm on here catching up and Holly is playing with her dolls house and town, I'm encouragig her to play whilst being on here, by asking her questions, making noises for the characters etc. i know you LO is a lot younger, but its just an example to show you that you don't have to be down there with then all the time. Lots of cuddles when reading books together, watching TV together etc is very enriching for them.

Pop over to the March/April 07 due date thread and keep us company on there, we're all at the same point!

[Knonie]

I'm a SAHM to my 15mth dd. I was brought up by an ex school matron (no need to sympathise she was and is quite lovely!!) and as such had quite a strict routine as a child. This was largely why I liked the BW as it was very similar to my mum's way of bringing me up.With this is mind I wanted my dd to understand that mummy had daily chores around the house and this was her time to play on her own. I now do the majority of my chores in the morning which she tends to help me with LOL! She genuinely gets very excited about helping me fill the washing machine, dust & hoover and put the groceries away.

We then spend the afternoons playing together, going swimming, reading, playing dolls, ball in the park or playing on the swings, visiting friends, drawing, etc.... Then she helps me to prepare the evening meal and tidy the house ready for daddy to come home! Anything I don't want her help with (LOL!) I do when she is napping! I also make sure that I do no housework over the weekends when my husband is home so that we spend that time as a family. We don't have a great deal of money so I didn't want my LO to come to expect 'expensive' play like my friends children who are in daycare all week as they end up going to adventure parks etc at the weekend as their kids don't do 'downtime' having had the luxury of organised play all week!!

[becky1969]

I'm not pregnant, so my answer may not be helpful. But I struggled a lot with this question in the beginning. My mom helped me quite a bit find a nice balance. She was a SAHM to me and my brother, and has great advice.

She stressed to me that it's important for LO to see that you have things to do, and to either incorporate LO in your tasks, or allow LO to just watch you is a big part of our day. Usually, the last 30 minutes before nap time he gets more needy/clingy, and that's when we do our interactive play - building towers with blocks, reading books, dancing, singing, etc. The rest of the time I'm chatting with him as I do my thing and he does his.

Of course, this is the ideal scenario and he goes thru phases where the above doesn't work (like now!). Right now he's teething and having separation anxiety so I spend more time playing with him, but I try my best to still give him independent play time. It seems to work best in his crib. He loves his mirror and FP aquarium.

I wouldn't worry that your child is missing out on anything b/c he's not in daycare. Until age 2, they just parallel play anyway! And at the young age your LO is at, they mostly just observe other LOs but are mostly interested in their own thing. Learning from your mama to me is the best way to learn. And it doesn't have to be structured. Just talking, reading, going on walks and pointing things out, hearing you talk to his dada is ALL learning! They are like little sponges! Knowing his mama loves him gives him the security to learn all he needs to.

If you're still struggling to find things to do that you feel are useful, 2 great books are:

The Wonder Weeks. Gives great ideas for activities to do with LO during 8 developmental leaps they take (though only goes thru 1st year, so may not be best for you.

and

The Heart of Parenting: Raising and Emotionally Intelligent Child. This book stresses how important it is for us as parents to focus on our child's emotional intelligence, not just their brain work. Here's where being a SAHM really pays off, as you have 100s of little interactions each day where you can teach your child how to effectively deal with their emotions. There was an article in one of the Baby magazines just this month on how psychologists now believe emotional intelligence is more predictive of success in school and life than just plain old IQ! Love this book as it provides examples of how to deal compassionately with various situations that come up in childhood.

Oh! And Gymboree has activity books out. I think they have one for the 1st year, and another for toddlers. Great ideas in there for activities that are fun but also teach concepts to LO. It's like the benefits of going to 'school' but you're able to stay home to do it. Perhaps not a great idea in this 1st trimester, but you may get more use out of it once that icky sleepy feeling passes.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Enjoy your LO and the LO to come. You are supremely blessed!

[Jacksmom77]

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone again for your help & suggestions- I would have replied sooner but lo was in er - he pulled a lamp on his head & had to have a little stitch!

Knonie - I like your idea of getting  the chores done in the morning & interactive play in the afternoon - I think I'll try that. 

And Becky, thanks for the books - I'm going to check those out the next time I go to the bookstore!!!

[binxyboo]

Hope he's okay!

[Jacksmom77]

He's great now - just started to walk & can reach things I'm not use to him being able to reach It was horrible though - lots of blood & a lovely dent...yes, a dent... in his head 

Definitely time to add a few more babyproofing touches though! Thanks for your thoughts!