Am I sending enough to daycare???

[LyndaManus]

I started posting this on the support thread for working mothers, but after I saw how long it got decided just to do a new post.  I am having problems knowing how much milk to send to daycare. 

Problem:
DH usually drops ds off at daycare but I had to today.  The teachers came to me and said that they are very concerned because they feel that they are starving ds    They said that he cries when they take the bottle away and they still have problems even though they do everything I recomended (paci, rocking, walking, etc).  She said that she has been caring for babies for 25 years and she knows a hungry baby when she sees one    She said that there is a much smaller baby one month younger than ds that is getting more per feeding than ds.  She also said that bf babies are "suppose" to eat every 3 hours - not every 4 as we are doing.  I have always felt like I was doing such a good job at bf and this was a total confidence buster for me  

Here is some info:
DS is 5.5 mths old, 19lbs, 4 hour easy.  6 feeds per day.  Two expressed bottles at daycare of 6 ounces.
I am still struggling trying to get ds to sleep through the night, but I think this is habitual and more my fault for feeding him and not doing pu/pd more than anything else.  He has not started any solids yet (waiting until 6 mths - daycare doesn't agree with me waiting for solids given his size.)

He has an extreme need to suckle - always has - has never turned down a meal.  I currently send 6 ounces per feeding for the two feedings he has at daycare.  This is off the charts according to kellymom.com so I already feel like I am sending a lot.  Even if we do get rid of the night feed fully it is still at the top of the charts http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/milkcalc.html#calculator.  On the weekends he has longer feedings at night and only eats for about 5 minutes or so for the day time feedings.  While I know there is no way to tell for sure, I find it very hard to believe he is getting 6 ounces or more during this time.

I am torn - should I send more???  I really feel that he is compensating for me not being there (fyi dh fed him from the bottle last weekend for the first time and he was fine after 6 ounces).  I am shocked at how emotional this has made me this morning - clearly ds is a big baby at 19lbs and only 5 mths so he is clearly not starving.  I also want to add that I am very fortunate to have such a great daycare and that they are wonderful with ds and that they would not have said these things unless they were genuinely concerned for him.  Sorry this is so long, but I would appreciate any advice. 

[Samuel's mum]

Clearly not starving!!!

Some childcarers are used to giving bottles of formula and just aren't accustomed to the smaller quantities that you need of different breastmilk.

However - I did see a thread on the LLL board where people were saying they felt the kellymom calculator underestimated.
Are these calculators any good?

http://www.justmommies.com/articles/breastfeeding-calculator.php
http://www.fourfriends.com/cgi-bin/milk.pl

I've not used them myself but seen good reviews of the fourfriends one.

Bottom line is you know your LO. You know from this site that many bf babies can do 4 hours. All bf babies are different. Even if you do decide to increase quantities it does not mean that what you have done before is 'wrong' or you should feel badly about anything. It sounds to me as though she was a bit insensitive in her approach and a bit over-confident that she is bf expert.

[LyndaManus]

Thank you.  You have made me feel so much better   I think I will start sending some more.  It is just so hard to know what is right.  It sounds like he definitely wants the bottle for longer, but I have no way of knowing if it is because he is hungry or he just wants to suckle.  I have no doubts that he would eat whatever I send   It just breaks my heart to think that he might be hungry - especially with me not having any supply issues.

[KathyM]

When my ds went to daycare as a 5 month old I had a similar situation. I found that although the ladies there were very nice and wonderful to my lo, they really wanted to stuff him full of food when they fed. They weren't used to bf babies and the amount they consumed. I sent extra to be on the safe side, but I never really thought he needed it, KWIM? The same thing happened when he ate solids there. They would feed (what I considered) an enormous amount compared to what I would do at home, but it's very hard to dictate what to do when you aren't there to see for yourself. Obviously you don't want your baby to be hungry, so sending some extra might help...even if it's just for comfort.

[jbepko]

Oh...I feel your pain! Its always hard being a working mamma and then when someone criticizes the care of your LO! Ouch! Even if your provider has cared for babies for 25 years- she hasn't cared for your LO for 25 years and I bet those 25 years weren't all with BF babies. I know from experience that I would rather send too much vs too little! My LO also will eat anything and everything in site so I couldn't always go from that. I think a good starting place is "feed on demand" for a weekend (no errand running, no rushing-- stay at home) and see how often he would like to feed and see if you right with his bottle frequency. It won't help with amounts...but you can use the various calculators to help there. I am sure you know about nipple flow rate, frequent burping, etc. About solids- my LO was 9# 4 oz at birth and continued off the growth charts and I held off on all solids until 6 months and he did fine! And yes, the daycare gave me the odd glance. I love my daycare, but the culture of the providers is a bit different and its taken some work. Don't get me started on the nap issues!  Just for FYI, my LO was on 5 nursings a day pretty much from 8 weeks until 12 months! The bottles varied from 4-6 oz and only went to 7 during growth spurts.

[LyndaManus]

Well, I am still not confident that it is the "right" thing to do, but I upped his bottles by one ounce per feeding for today (so, we will be at 7oz).  DH feeds ds bottles on the weekend and ds normally does not cry for him at 6 ounces so DH is going to talk to them on that.  I am thinking about printing out some documemtation on bf babies needs and putting it in his bag one day to help educate them, but I don't know if it would do any good.

We are starting solids in a little less than two weeks.  If I understand correctly, the rice cereal is to be mixed with two bottles per day.  So, since I want to bf directly as often as possible, it is daycare that will be doing the rice cereal.  This will help him fill up and will help daycare to lay off for a while (hopefully)