Amy
Separation anxiety is a component of many time-busters, if I let mum out of my sight, I might never see her again
.
Although SA goes with the territory at this age, although a toddler who is unusually clingy or has difficulties at nap and bedtime, sometimes has parents who have given in too much or the childs trust has been broken.
Introduce a security blanket lovelie, teddy, etc
. At the same time when a child relies on external soothing, we need to teach them how to draw from them own inner soothing.
I have had a look at Secrets of the baby whisperer for toddlers book, p256 ish. The chapter is called "a chronic sleep problem", where Tracy gets a LO to go to sleep independently.
In there Tracy does the following (I have summarised as it is too long to type out) - do you have the book??
Your very first step is getting your LO used to the cot, so they don't fear it.- Twice a day when your Lo is happy, put him in the cot. The 1st time you do it he may cling to you and cry. Try distraction with peek a boo, etc. Jump up and down play "silly mummy" it will only last 4 - 5 mins. Keep reassuring "don't worry mummy is here..." Don't wait for him to cry, take him out the cot
happy, even if you only managed 2 mins. Each day build up the time. After 2 weeks while he is playing move away from the cot side. don't sneak away, say "mummy is right here..." stay in the room and do something, i.e laundry.
Don't ever let your LO "I need you now!!!!!!" cry (gets louder and louder, LO is visibily upset and uncontrollable) for extended periods or do controlled crying and when they do start go to them - unless it is a
mantra cry. If you have let your LO cry for periods in the past, his trust with you will be broken and you need to build it back up, using the above method.
- then start with naps - getting your LO to sleep independently without you as a prop - to achieve this you need to have done all of the above (getting in used to his cot) over a matter of weeks, you can either use walk in/walk out or gradual removal. Gradual removal may be better in this case because you are being consistant with what you have done before to get him used ho his cot. Remomber to use a teddy or blanket to transfer his need for him to sooth you so he can learn himself. It is also recommended you take the teddy or blanket in your bed for a couple of night so it gets your scent).
- then move onto bedtime and staying in his cot, not your bed. again walk in/walk out or gradual removal if you need to - similar process to the naps.
The key is persistance and not giving in, remember it WILL get better if you stick at it, take
baby-steps with each stage, don't rush through them and most of all you both MUST be commited to seeing a change and working through this together so you are both consistant in your approach to this (by the sounds of it you definately are
)
HTH's
Lauren
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0 WI/ WO v's gradual removal
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64160.0 Mantra cry
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=52857.0 - Gradual removal
