About To Lose It With 3 Mos Old

[NKmommy]

I am in such a bad place right now.     I don't know whether it is frustration, total lack of sleep, or both, but I am such a mess.  I would LOVE any ideas or advice you have.  I am willing to try anything.  I will try to include all the info that might be helpful. 

DS #2 is 3.5 mos old.  BF.  On a 3 hr EASY during the day, which we just got to because he is a refluxer and did better with smaller feeds.  He is on meds (Prevacid) for reflux which has controlled the pain, although he still has some difficulty with feeds - often his feeds are only a couple minutes, and he has to be distracted to eat.  But I am confident that he is not in pain. 

Naps during the day are pretty good.  The 45 minute monster hit a couple months ago, and has decided to stick around for a while, but I can usually extend about 2 out of his 4 naps a day with pat/shush. 

He uses a pacifier to get to sleep.  During naps, he usually spits it out within ten minutes, and doesn't wake, so I don't think it is a prop.  When I try to extend the nap past 45 minutes, he does need the paci again, but usually spits it out again once he is asleep with no problem. 

He is double swaddled tightly, and is constantly trying to fight his arms out of the swaddle to suck his fingers.  But the finger sucking seems to rev him up more.  I would like to wean from the swaddle to get him used to self-calming with his fingers, but no luck yet.

Okay, deep breath, Sheila...  here comes the nights.   

He is in bed around 7.  Sleeps well until DF at 10/10:30ish.  Usually wakes a couple times within the 20 minutes after the dreamfeed, but not a problem getting him back to sleep.  Then, around 1:30 or 2, he wakes, and whines for a while, usually breaking himself out of the swaddle.  I go in, reswaddle, shush/pat, but he rarely calms.  So around 2:30ish, I will feed again.  This is where things go haywire.  He does not go back to sleep until around 6/6:30.     We spend hour after hour shush/patting, pacing, replugging binky, etc.  During those 4 or 5 hours, the most he will sleep is 10 minutes.  DH must go in and out of his room 100 times a night.  It gets so absolutely frustrating, and I usually have to walk away a few minutes because my pats get more firm, and I know he senses my stress. 

I try refeeding, and he might take a bit, but hunger doesn't seem to be the issue, and it doesn't resettle him.  We sometimes also bring him into bed with us around 5:30 or 6 because he are so desperate, and he will settle a bit more. 

Here is our typical routine (really varies due to 45 min naps, but here is an example):
E - 6:30
S - 8 (I can usually extend this one to 1.5 hrs)
E - 9:30
S - 11 (this is usually about an hour)
E - 12:30
S - 2
E - 3:30
S - 5 (45 min
E - 5:45 (still cluster feeding)
E and bed - 7
DF - 10:30ish
then downhill   

What in the world are we doing wrong???  I am getting 3 hrs of sleep at most each night, and I am going crazy.  During the day, during the offchance that both kids are sleeping at the same time, I try to nap but can't sleep.  I know I am an anxious mess. 

Oh, and things weren't always like this - he used to sleep until about 3 am, and then slept again until about 6. 

[Colin Macs Mom]

Is his mattress elevated? What is he on for the reflux?

I ask because my DS did the exact same thing around that age and it was 100% reflux related.

[kim&savannah]

Sheila~Just want to offer big {{{{HUGS}}}}}.  I don't know how you are surviving the days.

This is totally not BW, but we have similar problems and this has been the best I can come up with--Abe wakes every hour or less pretty much all night long if we leave him in his bassinet (some nights he starts out ok, but lately, we haven't been getting that either).  So when I go to bed, I take him with me.  He eats 2 or 3 times, we both go back to sleep easily--its working for us for now (although I'd really hoped to start phasing it out by now, but his evenings have gotten so much worse and he's sick, so we're waiting a bit longer)--I get a few hours of sleep, even if its kind of disjointed.  

Not sure if that would work for you, or if you think that would just make things worse in the long run--I'm still in survival mode, and I can't do it without a little sleep.

~Kim

Stacy posted while I was--I also dropped the df a few weeks ago because he was doing well until that feed and then would start waking up--he usually woke up for a feed within a hour or two anyway, but it did seem a bit better for us until he got sick and started the mess we're in now.

[NKmommy]

Thanks ladies!  Great ideas!

Jessica - He is on Prevacid.  We started on Zantac which we upped a few times, then switched to Prevacid and upped the dose on that as well.  He really doesn't seem to be in pain.  Never upset when he is awake (he is actually such an easy-going, happy baby), and when he does spit up, it is no longer acidic in smell, so I think the meds are doing there job.  I was also wondering if maybe the refluxing itself is waking him (though I don't think it hurts), but unless we used a motility med, there is nothing we can do about that.  I might try giving him Mylanta before bed to see if that helps.  His 4 mos appt is in a few weeks, so I will definitely bring these sleep problems up with the doctor and see if he thinks they are reflux-related.  Oh, and his crib is elevated.  I am experimenting with tummy-sleeping.  Did you ever try that with your refluxer? 

Stacy - I was thinking about dropping the dream feed also, but was always scared.  Now that you mention it, I might try to not df tonight and see how it goes.  Couldn't be any worse, right?  (knock on wood)  I think you are right about the swaddle - he still has such little control of his arms/hands... 

Kim - Aww, shucks.  You make me feel better.  Thanks for the hugs.     You are totally right - we are still in survival mode, and I shouldn't feel bad about cosleeping if that helps.  I guess I just get all worked up that he should be following the "rules", and it isn't helping either of us.  I will definitely try to bring him in bed earlier in the night if all else fails.  I hope that things straighten out with you, too, and that Abe is feeling better!  Know that I am up with you when Abe wakes.   

Edited to add - When he wakes at night, and I try to reswaddle, etc., he is usually happy.  Trying to get eye contact, smiling, wide wake.  It is when I try to get him asleep again that he is angry. 

[Colin Macs Mom]

I am experimenting with tummy-sleeping.  Did you ever try that with your refluxer? 

Yep - we used to let him sleep on his tummy for naps in the same room as us. He always slept better that way. It does sound like he's doing well with the reflux but it can't hurt to check at his next appointment just in case. Sometimes it's hard to tell for sure when the reflux is a problem again.

I wonder if maybe he's not sure about the difference between night and day?

[bheemeryck]

Hi Sheila,
Hugs to you... we too are having some sleep issues, doing better this week, but as we all know, things change when you least expect it!! I had a couple of suggetions.... dropping dream feed would be my bet as well, he may wake the first few nights out of habit, but we did it cold turkey last week, and dd sleeps better until 12 or 1:00... the dreamfeed did disprupt her sleep. As for swaddling... dd did the same sort of thing, so for about a week we tried one arm out for naps, then tried it at night, and she prefers that. I have tried two arms out periodically, but she refuses to resettle, so we'll keep working on it. But try it for naps first to get him used to the idea, and see how that goes. Somewhere on this site there is a link to an 'aussie' swaddle that puts the los hands close to their face so they can still have access to thier hands... someone with more know how about the site may know where it is. Never tried it, but I did consider it before we tried the one hand out route.


Night and day... do you have an established bedtime routine?? I know our los did have their days mixed up until we got them on a night routine, just a thought...

[Erin M]

((((((hugs))))))) Sheila.  Do whatever you need to in order to survive right now and worry about the rest later.