GW not working at night, need help.

[leticia]

We've been doing great progress specially at nap time, Lo is going to sleep by herself for 2 hours, and at night, I still need to be inside her room until she falls asleep but she goes in happy and falls pretty fast. For the past several days I've been trying to cut on a midnight bottle, she was handling it "not so bad" sometimes we can delay it until a second or third WU episode, an sometimes she wakes at 5 or 6 and I give her the bottle so she can sleep longer, but last night was the second night that as I am trying to delay (or not give it to her) she looses it completely, cry so hard that she even vomits, even if I give her water or formula she keeps crying for a while, I can't even comfort her, if I PD she cry harder, I had to turn on the night light and wait for her to calm down on her own, she layed down and fell asleep (after 2 hours). During the day she is happy, eating great (recovering from illness), having plenty formula and water, etc. Her teeth take forever to come out she is 14 mths now and only has 3 (one coming since last week), I don't know if that has something to do with it...... NEED!!! a plan....I'm desperate!!!!.....Lety

[Layla]

Lety, this must be so hard on you at the moment.

If she is eating well during the day as you say and has enough formula, water, etc... then she is just using the bottle as a prop. The most straight forward way to do this is to cut out the milk/bottles all together. As harsh as it may seem, its confusing her even more by "delaying" the bottle. Try to comfort her in the cot without the bottle. Stay with her until she is calm (don't do any wi/wo at the moment cause its probably too traumatic at the moment, especially if she's crying so much that she is vomiting).

I've never had experience with weaning a bottle from a toddler but I did have to wean my lo from a dummy at 4 months, which was really really hard. She's been used to this for the past year so this must be way harder on her than a 4mo. She will very well cry and get distressed but she will eventually learn that if/when she wakes at night, she will not be given a bottle to help her go back to sleep.

Teething can very well cause discomfort but a bottle is not something that should be needed at time of teething. Try giving her some meds for the pain. Does she have a lovey or something she can find comfort in when she wakes at night? Like a soft teddy or a fav blanket. This might help as well.

Plan - honestly get rid of the middle of the night bottle (and the one in the morning). Be strong and don't give in. All that crying is a waste and will just get worse as she is learning that "eventually" you will give it to her. Just keep trying to soothe her in her room. Use comforting words and gently pat her back or rub her hair to calm her down. She will eventually fall asleep but you are there with her so don't feel like you are not meeting her needs. The only way to beat this is not to use it. With time she will cry less and less and you will see progress in about 2 weeks.

Remember you are teaching her something new and you need to be patient. Report back daily (or as often as you want) and we will be here to help you and encourage you.

What does her day look like? What time is the nap?

Layla

[leticia]

Layla, Thank you very much ( also to Mari who has also helped me a lot) It is really very hard for me to see her cry like that, I feel awful......I am really trying to do this but sometimes I think I don't have enough what ever it takes to do it!!!! and also I am very tired.
She takes her nap around 12 or 1 (depends on the time she got up in the morning 6,7 or 8, which also depends on her night wakings) has bfast at 8:30, goes to little school for 2 hours, has milk and snack (she didn't go for 3 weeks, first because of the illnes one week, and other two because in Mexico we have 2 weeks off because of the holly week). Then she takes her nap at 12 or 1 ( which used to be 45 min now it is 1 1/2 or 2 hr) wup and eat, and in the afternoon we play or go to the park, etc, has snack and milk,dinner at 6, milk and bath at 7:30 and sleeps at 8.(used to be 1/2 hr earlier but with a longer nap and time change she was very active).
She has a teddy and a blankie, which only holds the blankie.
Sorry to tell you so much "used to be" but these are recent changes of the last 2 weeks, and I feel we are doing ok but the crying episodes really turn my head around and don't know how to react. I put her sometimes teething gel but as I tell you, her teeth take so long to come out that I don't want to use it too much, It takes around a month to pop out.
 Thank you very much...........     Lety.

[mari]

Lety,  Just to let you know that before I did sleep training with Alex I used to think that her teeth bothered her all the time.  Honestly, since she has been sleeping through I think that we have had about 3 bad nights with teeth (she has been sleeping through since September)

I also gave Alex a bottle during the night to help settle her and it got out of hand and I ended up giving her up to 3 bottles a night 

I know how hard it is, believe me but Layla is right, you have to go cold turkey on the bottle, anything else will jsut prolong the problem.  Be there, if she s crying, let her get it out of her system but hold her, encourage her and love her, but don't give her what she doesn't need.
She needs sleep and you can teach her how to enjoy it, just be consistent and patient with her and take all the advice that everyone here has to offer and you will get there.

Good luck.

[Layla]

You DO have enough  (guts, balls, courage or whatever you want to call it) to do this. It will take a lot of work and patience and maybe some sleepless nights but its for the best. The thing is, how long are you willing to continue bottle feeding her to sleep at night? At age 2.5, 3, 4??? Some grow out of it (I guess) but really, do you want to wait that long. The longer you wait the more difficult you are making it on both of you.

I can only imagine how hard this must be for you  . You are not alone in this.... lots of mothers on this forum & other mothers out there have had to do stop rocking or b/feeding or bottle feeding at night at this age. In fact "Sarah" (used to be a sleep mod) used to rock her lo to sleep for 17 months (from memory) & had to go cold turkey as well and used wi/wo.

We're all here to help and support you. You CAN do this and just think of how good/healthy it will be for your dd once she sleeps all night every night without props.

On a personal note - my mum had troubles with me when I was young. Of course there was no BW back where we came from so every night she would allow me to sleep with her. She told me it started when I was around 2 and got sick and she felt sorry for me and slept with me for 2 nights. Afterwards I "demanded" she sleep with me and believe it or not.... I slept with my mother until I was 11yo (which is when we came to Australia & my sis & I shared a bed). Every single night she would lie with me (i remember this so clearly) and at night when I'd wake, I'd stand outside her door and cry, and cry, and cry, then start screaming, throw myself on the floor (you know, the full blown tantrum) until she would come back into my bed. I knew no better and my mother didn't want to cause me any distress so kept it up. My poor dad had to sleep on the couch for the rest of the night .

Believe it or not.... I still have troubles sleeping on my own (and I am 29). I am ok falling asleep on my own but when I wake at night, if dh is not there (he might be on the comp or something), I feel really uncomfortable and have troubles falling back asleep. I think this is largely to the fact that I slept with mum for so long and became really dependant on having her there (now replaced by dh  ).

Not to say that she will be drinking bottles till she is 11 but think of it as teaching her something really valuable!!!

Layla

[leticia]

Layla & Mari, Thank you!!! And thank you Layla for sharing your story with me. I'm working on it and my sweet Lo is doing her best, I can't wait to give you good news, right now we are practically the same, we haven't had another crying episode but we are struggling really hard on going back to sleep at around 4:00, the earlier wups are not so bad (well I am really tired) but she goes back to sleep immediately (I have to go in). I wonder if these wups will also improve once she no longer need the bottle. Also I want to ask you if it is OK to ignore her winning when she is going to sleep (not at going "back to sleep" after wups) I'm in the room but not going to her to do any pd or anything, just let her do it by herself. 
Have a nice weekend.....................Thanks and I'll keep you posted.

[Layla]

I would ignore everything other than the "I really need you cries". If its a mantra cry then she could just be learning to self settle. If its just whining and anything other than crying (again you have to learn the cries) then let her be.

Waking throughout the night is perfectly normal. This is a part of the sleep cycle (when we go from light to deep sleep, etc...) & we all do it. Isabella still wakes at night and occasionally I hear a little cry & then she's back to sleep. When your lo  wakes she will return herself back to sleep (after the bottle is gone and done with) because she would have learnt that she doesn't NEED anything to help her to the next cycle. So, she might still wake, shuffle or cry out but will return herself back to sleep without your help.

Good luck
Layla

[mari]

Leticia, The whining when she is going to sleep is probably her 'Mantra'.  Some babies have a way of settling themselves that can seem like a cry, but you should only respond to the cries that say 'I need you'.  If she is whining, but ok then I would let her carry on and settle herself, you could be disturbing her unnecessarily if you go to her.

The way that I used to cope with the night was to have an early night and resign myself to the fact that I was going to be awake and walking the floorboards for most of the night so get as much sleep as you can, when you can.  I did 4 weeks of sleep training totally alone (DH was working in the US at the time) and it was hard, but if you tell yourself that you won't be sleeping tonight then the success is so much sweeter.



 

[leticia]

Thanks Layla & Mari, Your advice is being of great help. Last night she woke up 3 times, I went in, just comfort her a litlle bit, waited there without touching or anything for a litlle while, went out and she slept until 7:30 WITHOUT A BOTTLE!!! I know that we will be having some steps back but it was great to have a litlle improvement. So we will keep working hard on it....
                                                                    Lety

[mari]

Fantastic!!  You will have some set backs, but just keep doing what you have been doing and it will pay off.  Well done to you and I bet that she was happy today.

[leticia]

Yes she was!!! and now 2nd night without bottle, a little bit more crying than the night before but nothing serious ...... Yeah!!!!                                Lety

[Layla]

Lety, that is wonderful news!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

[leticia]

I KNOW!!!!! And now, 3rd night without a botlle, she wup 3 times, WI, no crying at all an wup at 7:00.....next step will be WI/WO. For now, it really is great, I can't wait for her to go back to sleep without my help, so I can sleep one complete night (I bet now I'll be the one with night wakings)........ She really is doing great, she is eating wonderful, her naps are great, etc..... I'll enjoy while it lasts..... Thanks and I'll keep in touch.                                   Lety