wants to be held ALL the time

[teresamac]

My almost 6 month old wants to be held during ALL of her waking hours.  I am not sure what to do about it.  She seems unhappy with all her toys (exersaucer, gym mats, bumbo and the like.)  Overall, she is very happy and easygoing.  She will lay on the floor with a toy as long as I am near if I walk away for a second she is upset.  Any thoughts on what I can do?  I am feeling slightly desperate since I am unable to do anything without her screaming!  I, also, have an almost 23 month old who needs me to be able to step away from his sister for a minute or two.  I am a huge supporter of the baby whipserer's way, but I can't really find anything on activity time and what I can expect a 6 month to do on her own.  Thanks in advance for any advice

[Mariek]

Hi Hun

There's a thread here with activity and toy ideas for 6-9 month olds.

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=52865.0

If she's used to being held all the time then she will cry when you put her down because in her mind she's thinking "Hey, this isn't what we do". She's learnt that if I cry then I get picked up so that's how things work to her. It's like someone saying to you right, you always have showers but now you have to get clean with just a sponge bath - it would take some getting used to (that's a silly example, but you know what I mean).

You need to teach her that it's okay to be on her own but you'll need to do it gradually. Try putting her down in a chair or on the floor with some toys while you're still nearby (within touching distance). If she cries then reassure her that you're there (without picking her up if you can - although obviously if she's really stressed then you'll need to pick her up). If you do pick her up then as soon as she stops crying place her back down again. Once she's used to being on the floor/in the chair etc with you close by then move a little further away (but so she can still here your voice) - again comfort her if she's distressed but put her down once she calms down.

It's a gradual thing, you're teaching her a new way of doing things, but you will get there.

HTH

love

[NiknLily]

Hi
It sounds more like separation anxiety, although 6 months is a little early but it can happen as early as 7months so may be she is just advanced in that area.  Have a look on the separation anxiety posts.  I think they are in discipline & socialisation but cant be sure.  
I've just had a quick read and Tracy says this
"this is the age when children first see a connection between their own behaviour and a subsequent chain of events and when bad patterns are easily reinforced.  When parents tell me their child of 6 to 9months cries to be picked up after 5 or 10 Min's activity, I say, "well don't pick them up" Otherwise you are teaching her that when I make a noise, mum picks me up... Instead of rushing to pick her up, sit next to her and reassure her, "Hey, hey, hey, its okay. I'm right here.  You can play on your own" Distract her with a squeaky toy or a jack in the box"  She goes on to say to make sure its not because she has too much going on around her, other siblings, TV etc.  If so take her into her own room or make a safe area in the living room she can retreat to when she becomes overstimulated.  At her age she should be able to amuse herself for up to 30Min's on her own.
As I said at the start have a read on separation anxiety posts and see what you think.  But having read what I just have I think maybe shes just getting clued up an course and effect, "I cry mum picks me up, I like this game"
Hope this is helpful
newmum

[teresamac]

I have been trying to talk her through it and sometimes she just screams louder.  She has always been so happy that I am at a loss as to why all the sudden she seems to cry.  I will try to be consistent with my response.  I am certainly trying to be aware of not reinforcing a behavior that we don't want.  I am not sure about separation anxiety (although I have considered it) because she will be happy with anyone holding her, not just me.  Thanks for the encouragement.  I really feel like I need it.

[NiknLily]

Hi
Really good advice above, we all seem to be saying the same thing.  Remember to always be up beat in your tone when comforting her, never to use the poor baby tone, this I think is really important.  It will take time but I'm sure she will get through it with gentle reassurance and comforting from you.
One other thing is this really knew? could she be unwell, about to achieve a milestone or teething even?  Just a thought.
newmum

[Erin M]

When you say "all of a sudden" it makes me think that there's something else going on there -- maybe teething, maybe a milestone -- crawling or sitting can happen around the 6 month time frame -- maybe early SA, but the other things sound like more likely candidates right now, esp since she's happy with other people as well.  See how things go for a little bit, if it's a milestone or teeth, it should resolve sooner rather than later. 

[teresamac]

I am certainly not ruling at teeth.  I do try to keep my tone up beat and encouraging and loving.  What is a realstic amount of time for them to be "on their own?"  My son was really into objects and toys.  She is really into people.  She thinks they are toys.  This afternoon, she did better.  I laid her on a blanket and showed her her toys...I was on the computer so I was near, but not her sole attention.  She then got fussy and I realized it was nap time instead of the usual count down to nap time, it just snuck up on us...so I guess that was good.

[NiknLily]

Hi
Sounds like you have been getting it right without our advice, its reassuring to come hear tho and get other opinions, isn't it?
As I said up to 30Min's independent play is about the max at this age, although it will vary from LO to LO.  Maybe give her 15Min's in one environment then move her or change her toys for another 15Min's so she doesn't have chance to get bored.
Have you heard of the Treasure Basket as an activity, its a low sided basket and you fill it with everyday objects for them to explore on their own.  I did one for my DD, in it I put clothes pegs, nail brush, silk scarf, lace hanky, length of ribbon, a walnut, wooden egg cup, wooden spoon, pastry brush, old mobile phone, cut out shapes of different colour leather, hair scrunches, golf ball, the list is endless really.  I just went round the charity & cheap jack shops and picked up anything I thought would be safe and interesting to explore.  DD loved her basket and would happily sit for 45Min's on blanket surrounded by cushions just exploring all these new things.
Hope this is helpful
newmum