These are my suggestions:
When she wakes at night, you need to pick a sleep training method and use that to teach her how to get back to sleep. I would cut out all the AP - no more bottles (she really doesn't need that at this age), no more holding and no more back into your bed. We all wake up at night - its a normal part of the sleep cycle. The thing is she hasn't learnt how to get herself back to sleep and is used to attention from you when she wakes at night.
Heres a link to sleep training methods for toddlers: -
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63896.0This is a link to help you chose which method to pick -
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=80750.0This may take some time and she may cry. This is all new to her and she won't know what it is you want of her. But you need to think of your ultimate goal - which is to teach her how to fall asleep on her own.
She also needs to have 1 nap averaging 1.5-2hrs during the day. If she starts her day b/n 6-7am, I would aim for the nap about 5.5-6 hrs from the time that she wakes. So if she starts her day at 6am, have her start her nap at 12ish. If you keep her up any longer it just leads to overtiredness. Don't let her take another nap, instead bring the bedtime forward. YOu need to protect the early bedtime and if she's having a catnap in the late afternoon and is refreshed enough to go to bed at 10/11pm, thats also causing restless sleep.
I would also keep up with the earlier bedtime. Aim at 7pm for now. She really needs to catch up on sleep. The av amount of sleep for toddlers is 13hrs (11hrs at night and 2hrs during the day). So if you put her down and she's up at 1am, walk in tell her its still nighttime and leave. She will learn.... Even if she is wide awake and on the alert, let her be. Don't go in there with a bottle or anything else. Leave a couple of dummies in the cot so if she's misplaced one, then she can find another one. If she starts crying, do your method of training until she falls back asleep.
I know it might seem overwhelming and impossible but your lo is chronically overtired if she is awake up to 17hrs in a day. I would pick a day when you can start fresh. Include your dh so that you can get some sleep yourself during this period. Consistency is the key so if you stick to it it will pay off and sleep will be closer than you think
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Finally we are all here to help you get through this. Post back as often as you like to keep me updated.
Good luck & let me know what you think
Layla