I am succumbing to AP and need a little help here.....

[rinajack]

Well, there is alot going on in our household.  Zara is now 1.  I am 4 months pregnant, and the pregnancy is not going brilliantly.  I have been ordered to stop work by the Dr, and to take it pretty easy (blood pressure issues).  So, I am home every day (have worked parttime, gradually increasing, since 4mo - it was 4 days per week for 3 months before I finished).  And Zara is home every day too (used to be daycare 3 days, one day with her dad).  She is also going through 2-1 transition - early I know, but I am a cue watcher, so I make sure she has two naps when her behaviour indicates she needs it.  So far, not waking early, or NW (except teething related - which has been happening a little lately, panadol stopped working, nurofen helped though).  I always do two naps after a bad night.  I also never wake her from naps.

All of this, it would seem, has created some SA problems, which we have never had before.  During her A times, she is clingier than normal - at first I thought due to shots and teething, but now I realise that even with the teething treated, she is just as bad.  And when we are out, whilst she will go off and play, she needs to be able to see me and know where I am.  That is fine.

But sleep is now hard.  She cries if I try to leave the room.  We had been successfully using WI/PD/WO - and whilst PD I was saying "No Zara, it is time to go to sleep now".  She was usually playing and yelling, not crying.  I have an issue with doing this while she is crying - not an intellectual issue, a hormonal issue.  For the first time since she was born, I can't bear to hear her cry.  But I am unable to stand over her cot all the time too, as I am simply too tired, and am supposed to rest when she does.

Today she crashed for her one nap (I was a little late putting her down cause we were at playgroup).  she woke after 1/2 hr and wouldn't let me leave the room, so I took her to bed with me and we napped for 2 hours.  We have been napping together quite a bit, because I am truly exhausted.

Am I going to create a bad problem if we nap together, but I do wi/pd/wo for the nights? So one is cosleep, the other independant?

Is there a gentler way than what I am currently doing?

Is there anything I can do during A times to ease this?

Any help would be appreciated.  Thanks for reading this novel if you got this far

[**Clare**]

Hiya! I would say it really depends on the child, my first was an angel baby, we did alot of what people would call AP regarding sleep but it didnt effect Jake.  He slept through the night (Well 10-6!) from 5 weeks, he was rocked to sleep every night and every nap until - dare I say it - 18 months!!! LOL We never had any night wakings and he slept on me for naps, at 18 months his cot broke and he went into a bed, he went to bed awake said goodnight and went to sleep straight away and never woke, hes still a fantastic sleeper now.  He was was an angel baby! Harvey on the other hand has been a different story! Soemtimes he'll sleep in the car ior buggy, we've just been away for a week and he was rocked in the buggy for his nap every day, this hasnt effected him at all since we've been back.

If I was you Id be doing the same thing, its soooooo important that you get your rest, especially with your BP so Id say carry on! (Im sure others will disagree!) But stick to it with the night and hopefully she'll adapt... the only thing is once the baby comes along.... its a tough one! Id like to see what others advise! xxxxx

[rinajack]

Well she is spirited, but tending towards angel now (which I put down to good parenting LOL).  I have APd heaps before, when she has been ill (which being a daycare baby has been heaps), and she always returned to normal when she felt well....

Maybe if I always try the cot first, she will let me know when she is ready?  Or would I be better to take her straight to the bed, instead of having to get her out of the cot when she cries.....

Thanks for your response btw!

[**Clare**]

I guess if you always put her in the cot first and she cries and you get her out she would learn that when she cries you put her in the bed with you.... this may make things difficult when you need her to sleep in her cot again.

Im wondering if the transition from 2 - 1 naps is un settling her.

I just think at this present time you need to do whats best for you, you really need to look after yourself and if the doctors told you to rest then you need to and if this means APing for a while then I feel you should do it.  If there really is no other option.  I just worry it maybe tough for you when the baby comes along and you need her to sleep alone for whatever reason but Im sure things will work themselves out in the long run xxxxxxxxxxxxx

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[rinajack]

That is kind of what I was thinking. And that it may be less confusing for her if she jsut naps in our bed. 

The 2-1 was going fine until the last few days.  And her behaviour doesn't seem overtired to me.  I haven't changed anything with regard to that, although maybe it is catching up with her - but I do give her two whenever she will take them.

One thing that has happened many times is that - often when I try for two naps, she won't take the 1st one, and they end up as one nap days.  giving in on that first one could be confusing her and making things worse...maybe I would be better to stick to just one nap, and bring bedtime way early when need be?

I quite like napping with her to be honest, just worried about when baby comes, and also when I am in hospital and someone else has to watch her - what if they can't always lay with her?

[**Clare**]

It is lovely to be able to nap with them, I used to love that! I would maybe try her for her first nap and if she wont go just get her up rather than take her on the bed, then when shes ready for her nap try her in the cot, she maybe so tired she may suprise you but if not Id take a nap with her.

Im not sure about when you go into hospital, children have a funny way of adapting but I wouldnt like to say for sure that it wouldnt bother her    Im sure when the time comes the person who is caring for her could always take a walk or ride in the car if things get desperate and if she happens to miss her day time nap for a few days then at least you'll have bedtime sorted!!

You sound like such a lovely, caring sensitive mum, thinking of everything! Im sure your safe to go with what you thinks best, you know your daughter better than anyone and you know how much you can handle too xxxxxxxxxx

[¤ Efka ¤]

Ohh Rina , I am thinking and thinking about it. Your new pregnancy makes things more difficult. But I really agree with this point, if you sleep together for naps start it out this way not when she cries , you will sleep.
Take care.

[mari]

Rina, I am so sorry that you hare having troubles when you need to rest so badly.

I only read the first post here and do you  know, I think that she will be ok and you shouldnt cause a problem with night sleep as long as you are consistent with what you do.  She should learn that mummy sleeps with her in the day, but not at night.
I am going to let you in to a secret  Because I am a childminder, I haven't time to do WIWO in the daytime as I have children to look after so I ut her to nap with a bottle of milk and she falls asleep with it.  She never expects this at bedtime and sleeps totally independent.  So, that's it, she knows that she gets a bottle of milk to nap and at bedtime, she has to do it herself. 
I don't think that you are creating a problem, enjoy your rest and at the first sign of a problem, change your tactics.
HTH

[rinajack]

Thanks everyone.  I think I will do that.  I know she can differentiate different routines (since some days used to be daycare), so I think I will only do it when DH isn't home...and still have her independant nap when he is....so that when I am not around (in hospital having baby and stuff) she shouldn't expect people to nap with her..

And if it all does backfire on me, then I will deal with it post birth (I had sooooo much energy last time after the birth - compared to before anyway ).

Thanks for sharing mari....I love the idea of independant sleep, but like you, I find so many times that life just gets in the way!  But I guess you can still be consistant even if there is AP involved - the whole thing about "begin as you mean to go on"....

[*Natasha*]

Just wanted to send you a huge HUG you are doing great

[¤ Efka ¤]

There was other thing I wanted to say. As little girl I babysat, I was with her during the day and she went to sleep independently(looking back I did gradual withdrawal and WIWO with her, though I did not know that at the time LOL) And a the bedtime with her mommy it was AP. She never expected me to lie with her, but went to sleep nicely, sure on later her mom could put her for naps too just crib, but thing what I am trying ot say that these LOs definitely know difference between people and expect different things from them. So when you sleep with her and you DH never does, she wont probably expect him to do so.

 

[Layla]

Rina, I've actually read somewhere (I think this was from "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" that different parts of the brain are responsible for day and night sleep.... so I would say that "yes, you can sleep with her during the day and not have you expect her to do the same at night".

Good luck
Layla

Btw, my dh's best friend went up to Moura, Brisbane to work as an engineer in a Coal Mine (Anglocoal) & I remember reading from one of your posts and you work in Brisbane in a mining town as well. Is that anywhere near you???

[rinajack]

Layla - Moura is about 3-4 hours from me.  But I also (and DH also) work for Anglo!!!

Today I made the mistake of letting DH nap with us - and she took her worst nap ever in our bed - 1 hr...put her to bed early - 45 mins early, and it took us 1hr 20 to get her to sleep.  This time there may have been an overtired factor, but really it was mostly SA (and maybe teething in the early bit but I am not too sure - gave pain meds which would have kicked in after 1/2 hr at the most).

DH ended up being able to get her to sleep.  She was furious if Iwouldn't pick her up, but he could calm her in the cot.