when does it get better?

[klindsey11]

i am getting so discouraged.  we are on a 4 hr EASY (at least trying) and DS is still having a hard time napping and sleeping at night.  (4.5 mo old)  We did PUPD training to get him to sleep independently, but i feel that his naps have gotten worse lately, and his night sleep not any better. 

this morning, he took a 25 min nap.  i just felt so depressed b/c i knew that it was going to be another botched day.  how long does is take realistically foro him to get on a 4 hr EASY?  pls don't ask me to post my routine b/c it is all messed up and his routine is never the same b/c of his irratic naps.  w2s doesn't work.  i've tried everything.  i am at my wit's end.  i don' tknwo how much more i can take of this!  am i putting too much pressure on myself (and ds?)?  does it all fall into place eventually?  i really don't know what more i can do.  i feel so down and it is hard to get motivated to do anything and i feel like a failure.  it sometimes is hard to enjoy motherhood and my precious son. 

[nona]

we are having our own napping problems here so just wanted to give your some virtual ((hugs)). this is a good post to read when you're feeling discouraged/unmotivated:

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=86016.0

our naps were good and then they went very bad last week so now i'm tweaking to find the "perfect" amount of A time.  it is very draning! IMO, i think things will eventually fall into place...

i had to laugh when i read your plea of "please don't make me post my schedule". i always feel like i'm lying when i'm post mine!! i'm impressed you tried PU/PD. i can't make myself do it. my lo gradually put himself on a 4 hr EASY around 4 months. he was just able to go longer btwn feeds. when i'm really stressed, i just try to take a day and enjoy my baby and screw the schedule (and remember we can try again tomorrow!). also, when i'm feeling depressed, try to force yourself to get out of the house and let someone handle the naps, etc.  you deserve the break!!!!

[Shellha]

Does it help if I say, I could have written your post 8 months ago? I am so sorry you are having a hard time but I promise IT DOES get better, a whole lot better! My DS was THE WORST napper, he wouldn't nap, when he did he would nap for 45 mins at the most and night time was a shocker. I would pat/shhhhh for what was hours each day only to have him scream and scream.

8 months on and I have a gorgeous Son who sleeps beautifully at night, has to be woken from naps and is a delight (for the most part) to have around.

I felt desperate (DH and I were just talking tonight about my lowest day) on many occasions, but the thing is to hang in there. If you need to take a break from BWing, then do, if you have people around you, USE THEM to take a break, if you can get away from your DS for even an hour to focus on you and not him, then do. Sometimes I found it easier to just get on with things and to not obsess - easier said than done  

Hang in there, it really does get easier. One thing that dawned on me one day was to use the book as a guide not a bible as this caused me no end of stress - always feeling like a failure cause my DS wouldn;t do it 'by the book'. Do it your way, but use the BW techniques as a guide.

If you want to chat just PM me, I lived a similar nightmare and survived - my DS is 1 on Sunday so I am looking back and patting myself on the back for surviving :-) :-) :-) ;-)

[nona]

use the book as a guide not a bible

AMEN TO THAT!!!!

(also when BW would stress me out i'd read Healthy Sleep habits, Healthy Child or whatever that book is called)

[Tanners Mom]

Hi klindsey11!
I could have written your post too!! We had all the same sleep issues that you wrote about when Tanner was 4.5 months old. And yes - it does get better! We still have issues but each time you are more prepared to handle it and you know your LO better too!

One thing I would like to encourage you to do is be perseverant and consistent! Keep doing what you are doing and it will fall into place! And I know that being consistent helped with us!

I agree with nona about getting out, too. This helped me tremendously when I felt overwhelmed and frustrated - I just needed to clear my head! So, if you can leave your DS with someone you trust - do it!

Remember that your baby is just that, a baby. I had to keep reminding myself that Tanner isn't a robot and isn't going to fit perfectly in a schedule that I've laid out. We still don't have two days that are the same!

But on a practical note - when Tanner was overtired and taking short naps and lots of nightwaking. I learned that extending his naps helped everything else work out. What worked for us was 'holding the jolts'. I would go to him at the 20 minute mark and put one hand on his arms and one hand on his legs and literally hold him through the jolts that would typically wake him up. It worked almost every time (sometimes he would spot me and want to play  ) I did this for a week and then stopped. After that he was able to take longer naps on his own (but still not consistently).

Things WILL get better! And through all of this - remember to take care of yourself too!

HUGS!
~Jaci

[klindsey11]

Thanks everyone, for your words of encouragement.  I just got back from sh/patting my DS back to sleep after a 30 min nap.  (Grr!) I'm just glad that he went back down to sleep.  He usually doesn't.  But I do feel better today.  You're right- the BW book is a guide, not a Bible and my baby is not a robot!  Every day is a new day. 

I announced to my DH that I'm getting a pedicure tomorrow (he works late).  Can't wait!

[nona]

glad to hear you're getting out of the house. don't read any parenting magazines either while you're getting your toes done!

[malialeanne]

don't read any parenting magazines either while you're getting your toes done!

Definitely read a trashy gossip magazine, those take your mind of baby stuff for sure!

Sorry you're having a tough time, it does get easier. It helps me to remember that there are so many days and so many naps that you just can't get too worked up over them. There's always another nap and another day to try again.

If pat/shh is helping you to extend naps then keep at it. I KNOW it's nightmarish at first and you feel like a shut-in spending all your time in the dark nursery! But soon he'll start getting through those "jolts" on his own and napping longer and it's like all the angels in heaven singing, it's that great of a feeling.

Good luck, and post back to let us know how it's going!

[klindsey11]

After I went in and sh/patted him back to sleep (for 10 min), he slept for another 45 min, so it was almost a 1.5 nap in total.  not too bad.

so do you guys think it's more important for DS to continue to learn to sleep independently (sh/pat, PUPD, etc when waking up early from a nap) even if a nap session is broken up into 2-3 small sections rather than actually sleeping through a full nap session (even if it means rocking him to sleep)?

I just put him down for another nap, and decided to not swaddle him (we'd like to wean soon- that's a whole another issue) and try him on his tummy.  He has very good head control and he can roll so I figured this is OK.  He went down without a fuss and fell asleep on his own within 5 min- a rare treat.  I usually have to sh/pat for a little bit.  If your LOs ever sleep on their tummies, do you find that they still "jolt" out of sleep?

[malialeanne]

I think it's important to keep working on independent sleep so that he will start doing full naps on his own. Rocking to sleep, etc, might work in the short term as a quick fix (and we ALL do it from time to time during illness, teething, or just really overtired times) but it's not a good long-term plan.

Many babies sleep more soundly on their tummies and once they are rolling and have good head control most pediatricians say it's OK (check with your own doc though). As for the jolts, those aren't as much of a problem when dd sleeps on her tummy, but now that she's getting more mobile and scooting, when she rolls to her tummy she sometimes starts scooting in the crib and that keeps her up.

Just FYI, when weaning the swaddle a lot of moms keep it for naps for awhile and that seems to work. Day and night sleep are controlled by different parts of the brain. So if it works to nap w/o the swaddle go for it, but if you find he needs it for naps that's OK too.

[klindsey11]

tummy sleep didnt go so well.  he woke up in 30 min.  i sh/patted and pupd'ed but to no avail.  so i improvised and put him in a sleep sack with one arm in one arm out.  he was sh/patted to sleep.

i went in at 25 min to do w2s but decided to wait and try holding through the jolts.  It was cute- he was asleep with his free hand holding his ear.  At 30 min, he let out a little wail (is this what Tracy  calls the phantom cry?) and his arm flailed a little.  his hand rested on his face and i gently moved it down a min. later.  40 min passed, 45 min passed.  i walked out at the 50 min mark.  so was that the jolt?  i thought it happened more towards the 40/45 min mark?  and is it really that small, and my DS just happened to sleep thru it, or is it usually bigger?   

[KathrynK]

Our jolts ALWAYS happened at 37 minutes- you could set your watch by them! They got less as she got older so I would guess that's why he only moved a little- when dd was tiny she would fling her arms about all over the place, lol.
It sounds from your posts he is trying really hard to get through that 45min mark by himself, which is great. If your pat/shhing gets him back to sleep, that's wonderful as over time it will take less and less pat/shhing to the point where he will fall back asleep by himself in a couple of minutes, and then eventually he will stop waking all together.
Many babies who are 45min monsters won't go back to sleep at all no matter what mummy tries so for them W2S works well as they need to prevent lo waking in the first place. But if pat/sh works for you and you have the time to persevere then don't give up! It WILL get better and you are doing fab xxxx