Hi & welcome!
You don't have to let her CIO. There are much more gentle ways to teach her how to sleep. Here's the link to sleep training methods for toddlers:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63896.0)...i've tried putting her in them crib and standing next to it singing and patting her back the whole time but she just continues to cry and stand up (it actually worked one time but it took about 45 minutes and i had to lay her down probably 100+ times before she finally gave in)....
I would start of by being in the room with her (so the GW method) just because she is so used to you & then eventually I would go to wi/wo. So start of by sitting next to her & if she stands, you keep putting her down. SHe will cry (and alot) but thats normal and its not the same as you leaving to sort it out on her own. Be there with her, help her get through this but don't pick her up to rock her or BF her. This will only confuse her. She will cry because this is new to her and she won't really know what it is you want of her. I would do this as long as it takes at night (and be it 45mins or 2hrs)... You really need to have a chat to DH & be on the same path becuase if he is coming in to rescue her, again, all the crying is out the window. Write a plan & stick to it. Do the same thing over and over again. Consistency is really the key!!!
I would change my naptime & beditme routine a little as well. You can still BF her (if you wish) but don't make that the last step. So maybe read some books, BF & then into cot & sing a song. Make sure she is not falling asleep at the breast & that she is in the cot awake. Every time she stands, you will have to put her down. Hold her hand if you have to, rub her back, chant soothing words over and over again... "it's ok, you're tired, mummy's here, go to sleep".... you know things like that.
Could you tell me about her naps??? She could also be dropping a nap & heading towards 1 nap so if you are finding that her pm nap is getting shorter, I would suggest something like this:
6.30ish - wake for the day
9.30ish - morning nap (but you might have to wake her up at 45mins to get a longer pm nap)
10:15 - wake from nap
1.30-2pm - afternoon nap
3-3/30 - wakes from nap
7-7.30 - bedtime
last night i tried to crib method again after failing at all my other attempts and after 20 minutes my husband couldn't take hearing her cry and came and "rescued" her and seemed really irritated with me...who knows if it would've worked if i would've kept at it...he then tried to rock her and she screamed and cried for me repeatedly....we finally both layed down in bed with her and after about an hour of just letting her sit up and flail around as she wished she finally passed out at 10pm with both of us cuddling her...she woke up bright and early at 6am (2 hours less sleep than usual)...this is obviously something that can't keep happening...
See this is very tempting but I would encourage you to keep at it rather than giving in. Think of your ultimate goal - that is, for her to be able to self soothe and when she wakes at night to be able to put herslef back to sleep. At the moment, all those night wakings are not good for anyone involved. Its fragmented sleep for her (which only causes overtiredness) & interrupted sleep for you (which I am sure causes some anxiety as well). If you are planning for baby#2, the last thing you want is a newborn that is dependant on you at night (for all those night feeds) and a toddler who is demanding for you to get back to sleep as well.
Let me know if you have any other q's before you start. We will be here for support!!!!! This will be very hard but YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Layla
