another WI/WO question

[brightside]

sorry! Am I doing this right?

DS used to be able to go to sleep without any problems but if he woke in the night he wouldn't be able to get BACK to sleep without our presence.

He got much better but now we seem to have reverted back to being props.

This is what we are now doing-is this right?
Put to bed and leave him. If he starts to cry we wait until he seems to be getting very upset. We go in and he gets really frustrated because I would sometimes pick him up to calm him  . DH would sometimes hold his hand until he went to sleep. So I now just sit in the chair by his cot and if he stands up I lie him down. He starts to get very cross with me and frustrated. I stay until he calms down but no picking up. When he calms I leave the room and only go back in if he seems really upset. Then stay until he calms. The cycle continues until he eventually goes to sleep. Should we stay until he calms or do we go in, say a few words and then leave even if he is hysterical and then go back in after the count?

[mari]

Firstly I would try to work out why he is crying.  Do you think he could be in pain? 
WIWO is for babies who are not used to falling asleep alone but they have no medical problems (even teething, cold) and are not overtired. 
Could you post a little history and your daily routine and we can go from there.

Thanks

[brightside]

Thanks Mari.

Routine is usually
wake 6ish
nap 12.15-1.45
bedtime 6.30-7

Every day is different though. Naps are at daycare so they are fairly standard times although sometimes he might only sleep 1h20. I usually work off putting him to bed 4.5 hours after he wakes from nap if he only has 1.5 hours and he often goes to bed at 6pm if hasn't napped well. We did have a period of time when he slept 6-6 which was great!

If he is at all overtired he really doesn't sleep well and we have got in to a bad habit of if he wakes up in the night or early from a nap, holding his hand or occasionally picking him up to get him back to sleep. I think he has now become very dependent on that and I want to get out of that because as soon as he wakes now he expects us to help him back to sleep.

He has had a recent ear infection which did make his sleep worse but he is over that now. He could be teething (aren't they always!) but I often give him meds before bedtime to help with that.

I think his crying is because he very tired and expects us to help him to sleep-which of course gets worse the more overtired he is. I can't really  put him to bed any earlier than 6pm though as I only get home from work at 5ish.

update on the WI/WO: I did as I posted above and it took 2 hours for him to fall asleep but at least he did it independently. I did the same in the morning when he woke at 5.30am after just 9.5 hours sleep but then got him up at 6.30. They told me he was fab at daycare. He slept 1h 45 and woke at 2pm. Last night I took him to bed at 6.45 and he winged for about 10 mins and then fell asleep. He slept quite well.

We are definitely stuck in a rut though because early mornings mean his nap at daycare is quite late for him and hence he doesn't sleep as long as he should do. They tell me though that he is great and quite happy to go till 12 before having his nap. They are very good at trying to get him back to sleep but once he's had 1.5 hours there is no getting him back to sleep. I also don't really want him to go any earlier or we end up with another early bedtime. *sigh*

Any tips would be much appreciated.

[mari]

If he could sleep earlier at daycare then his nap might last longer.

You are doing ok with the WIWO and if it took 2 hours that's good for starters.  I would say to be consistent and see how this works out,  it takes time but you should see a huge difference in a few weeks.

[brightside]

Do I follow the same routine when he wakes in the night too or just when he is first going to sleep?

And what do I do if he wakes early from a nap eg 40 mins? Its usually a tired frustrated cry rather than a desperate hysterical one. Do I go in or leave him? How long should I leave him to do that sort of cry? Or should I just get him up rather than go the nightmare of trying to get him back to sleep? I know if I go in it makes it worse because he wants me to pick him up or hold his hand but then he gets hysterical if I don't.

[mari]

I did wiwo for bedtime and nightwakings.
Is it a sort of cry that you think he might settle himself with?  If so and he isn't really crying and you are sure that he isnt saying 'I need you mummy' then don't go in.  But obviously if he is really crying then you should go and try to comfort him.  Only you know your baby and only you can decide what the cry is trying to tell you, it's very difficult for anyone else to tell you which cry is a 'mantra cry'
Mari

[brightside]

Thought I'd give you an update.

Yesterday he slept for just 40 mins. I left him for a bit to see if he would settle himself. His cry changed so I went to him. I stayed for a few minutes but he didn't seem to settle so I decided that rather than 'help' him to sleep I would just give up on the idea and got him up. He had a 10 minute nap in the car later on then bed at 6. He mantra cried for about 15 mins then got a bit more upset. I went to him and just stood at the cot (no soothing or holding hand) and he was asleep in about 30 seconds. Not sure if I was a prop there or not? Anyway, last night he slept for 13.5 hours!!!  He did wake around 6 but went back to sleep. We ended up waking him at 7.45! He then slept for 1.75h at lunch. Praying this wasn't just a one off. He went to sleep with no problems tonight at 7.45- a much more respectable time than 6pm! Fingers crossed he sleeps all night and doesn't mess up this lovely new routine!

Do you think I did the right thing at nap time? Just asking for future reference-because this often happens. We usually try to get him back to sleep straight away but I think this (plus the same thing for night wakings) is what caused the dependency on us in the first place.