New to Site-NEED HELP!

[tabbymom]

Hi Everyone,

this might get a little long!!! I am new to this site, it was recommended by someone at the Todays Parent chat forums. Frogive me if the answer I am looking for is posted elsewhere, I'm not sure where to start looking. I have read Secrets of the Baby Whispered (pre-baby!) but think I need some help!!


I have an active 11 month old baby boy. I am still nursing (have tried to wean and it didn't go well). Sometime ago we got into the routine of nursing to sleep. It's worked well until now, and I don't know how to fix it. I am returning to work in approx a month. My son is till waking up through the night to eat. I have been getting up and nursing him since he's a little on the small side, though the doctor assures me he is healthy and there is nothing to worry about. I'm at the point though where I am starting to realize I can't do this and work full time. I'm exhausted now!! The other issue is that recently (over the past several nights) he has been waking up sometime between 12am-2am and staying awake for two hours. He doesn't seem to be in any discomfort, he just wants to play and nurse. As you can imagine, playing at 2 am is not high on my priority list!! I've been reading about people using pu/pd, but am not sure what this is. I can't find it in my baby whisperer book.

Here is our current schedule (which is fairly consistent):

6:15-6:30 wake up (sometimes nurse)
7:30 breakfast followed by play time
9 am: nurse to sleep for first nap. Usually sleeps 1 hr and 15 min
10:30: snack time followed by going out to park, run errands, go swimming etc
12 pm: lunch
1:00: nurse to sleep for second nap, usually 1 hr and 15 mins
2:30: snack time followed by playtime, going out for walk etc
5pm: dinner
5:45: bathtime
6:30: bedtime snack (Mom and Dad eat their dinner)
7:15: kisses for Daddy, play special bedtime song and nurse to sleep
2-3 am: wake  up to nurse (until recently would eat for about 15 min then back to sleep)
5 am: wake up to nurse and back to sleep

So here are my questions:

Should I expect my son to be able to go to sleep between 7-8 pm and sleep through the night until 6-7 am with out being fed or is this too long for his age? Does he need the feedings?

How do I help him sleep through the night without the wake ups?

How do I break the nursing to sleep habit (or should I even be breaking it)?

Any help would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks, Tabitha

[Layla]

Hi Tabitha & welcome!

Just to answer some of your q's

Should I expect my son to be able to go to sleep between 7-8 pm and sleep through the night until 6-7 am with out being fed or is this too long for his age? Does he need the feedings?

I do think that he "should" be able to do all night without the night feeds. Some babies still hold onto 1 night feed but 2 I believe is not necessary. You can work on weaning the one between 12-2 & then work on the 5am one. Is he eating/drinking well during the day?

How do I help him sleep through the night without the wake ups?

You would have to use pd. It might actually be easier if your DH was doing the pd cause he might settle better for him, knowing that he can't be feed to sleep. Have you had a look at the pu/pd board yet? Basically what you would do is when he wakes at night, go in & if he's standing up & crying you lay him down. He's probably too old for the pu part so it would just be pd. If he's not crying then leave him & let him settle. If he's mantra crying, you leave him & let him settle. You only do pd if he's crying & sounds like he needs help. You could also use soothing words to reassure him you are there, everything is ok, its night time.

How do I break the nursing to sleep habit (or should I even be breaking it)?

You might have have to change your routine so that BF is not the last step. You certainly don't have to wean (if you don't want to) but I wouldn't be feeding to sleep for naps or at bedtime. Its a pretty strong association & might take you a few weeks to teach him otherwise.

Here's the link to weaning thread (from the BF board) - https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=58342.0

HTH
Layla

[tabbymom]

Hi Layla,

Thank you so much for responding. My little guy eats fairly well during the day and I do believe that he is getting enough. My husband wouldn't really be able to help with night wakings but is able to help with bedtime. Thank you for clarifying pu/pd. What is mantra crying? and when I leave him, do I literally just leave him or am I in the room with him? Thanks again for the help, I'm looking forward to more sleep soon!! Tabitha

[Layla]

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64160.0

Here's the link on mantra cry. If he's mantra crying, I would say leave him & go in when it sounds like he would need help.

Here's another link to sleep training methods - https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63896.0. Its more for toddlers but explains pd more & there is also a Gradual Withdrawal method, which you might be more comfortable doing (considering he is so dependant on you at the moment to get back to sleep).

If your DH can do bedtime, that would help. It might take your lo a little longer to learn indep sleep with you but then again he might catch on fairly quickly . The important thing is that you are consistent & whatever you do, don't pick up & BF to sleep cause that only sends mixed messages & all that crying is for nothing.

hth & let me know how you go.
 

[franchick]

Just wanted to say that you've been given great advice. Also wanted to say that (please don't freak out!), when I went back to full-time work my DD was 5 months old and her night wakings actually started to get worse and we started to experience 1.5 - 2.5 hour wakings every single night for a good few months... whew, it was exhausting, and I felt like a bit of a zombie at work!

But... I did survive... and I didn't get sacked.... any everyone at work was really quite understanding... and eventually the long night parties stopped. I can't say that I did this by consistently adopting PD, but this would definitely have been the quickest way to bring a halt to the NWs. Now, we have pre-bed party time that we are working on    (Katie is 25 months old).

Best of luck in starting on PD - you and your LO can do it - it might be tough, but in the end it will be worth it for *both* of you. You and your LO will both get lots of good sleep and have tons of energy in the day (at least, that's the hope!).

 

[tabbymom]

Thank you so much! I'll do a little more reading to get myself set!! It sounds like great advice and I believe it could work for us. I really believe as well that if I can break the sleep association with BF, I'll be able to wean him without much difficulty as he is too busy to nurse during awake times! Cups are much better because they travel with him!! Thanks and I'll keep you posted! I'm so glad I found out about this site! Tabitha

[Layla]

If he is distracted during the day, try feeding him in a quiet, darker place (sort of mimic night feeds).