is GW possible with Big Boy Bed?

[Colesmom]

Hello everyone, it's me again! 

I have yet to tackle our bedtime problems.  Call it lazy, call it tired.  Whatever!  I am attempting to put a plan in place now that we FINALLY have our BBB.  Cole has been on a mattress on the floor for about 6 weeks now, and in the complete bed since Sunday night.  DH or I have been holding hands or laying down with him to fall asleep each night.  Clearly with new lo coming, this has to stop.  he is waking about 2 times a night, but goes back to sleep easily, in his bed, holding my hand.  (he WON'T go in our bed, which i suppose i should be thankful for)

His current schedule is this:
7am wake
12:30/1:00-2:30 nap (daycare wakes him)
10:00 pm bed (yes, you read that right)

Ever since beginning of summer he seems to need 13 hours of total awake time.  In the summer I let the holding hands thing slide because he was sleeping through the night for pretty much the first time!  Maybe our evenings at the park completely wiped him out, but I digress.

Sunday night was a very late night with the new BBB, and he only got 8 hours of sleep.  I tried putting him down early on Monday night and he fought me for an hour.  finally collapsed at 10pm.  so, I am asking, just to bear with me as I am going to work with 10pm as our starting time, because that is the time that he willingly goes to sleep without much fuss.  Once he is going to sleep independantly, I will working on bringing bedtime back to a more reasonable time.

So, my concern is that I need to do GW, but he can get out of his bed.  Cole has gone to sleep independantly in spurts over the last 2.5 years, but it has certainly never been for any great amount of time.  I picture me sitting on a stool next to his bed, trying not to hold his hand, and him just getting out and standing next to me crying and carrying on.  Or running over to turn on his light as he did Monday night.  DH will help, and in fact has done the last 3 bedtimes, but I'm not sure he will have the patience to hold out an hour or more if cole is fighting.
My plan is to introduce the stool next to his bed, no holding hands, for at least 3 days.
Then move it a few feet to middle of room, then to inside door, then doorway, then outside door etc.

so, if he gets up, do i just lift him back in, again and again and again?  (even if we're right next to his bed)
should I say anything?  eg, night night, time for sleep (or am i reinforcing my attention with that?)
If he lays there and cries, should i reassure with my voice (to prevent from getting up?)

you'd think i'd be a pro at this by now...but the BBB has just thrown such a curve into the whole mess

thanks in advance for any advice, and encouragement.

Traci

[Colesmom]

thanks Stacy-I read that post this morning.  But he was back in a cot.  Big difference...

I'll let ya know how it goes.

[Colesmom]

ohhh, all excellent points.  I like the "stay in your bed or I will leave".

And I am one of those parents, i couldn't care less where he falls asleep (or when!)...as long as I don't have to be in there with him while he's doing it!

And it's a good thing I shouldn't put him in and out, because at this stage, it's darn near impossible.

Thanks so much Stacy, you're my rock, i tell you

[daybyday]

I just want to stress the keeping talking to a minimum. You honestly don't realize how much you speak to a child until you CAN'T! Any form of communication is a reinforcement. One person once wrote that it's like being a Robot...lead him back to bed and don't reinforce the fact that he got out in anyway...*this was REALLY hard on DH*
 

I know you plan on sitting in there, but I found that once I had worked my way to just outside the door it was even easier. He would get out of bed, and I would meet him at the door. Walk him back to bed and walk out. As long as he stayed in his room, so be it. And then later on we worked on staying IN the bed....

I think the bigger bonus you have is Cole's cognitive ability. I did GW with an 18 month old. You're working with a 2.5 yr old, so he will have a greater understanding of expectations.

Big hugs hon, you know I'm supporting you and praying, fingers crossed while vibing that you can get this smoothed out before Connor arrives!

 

[LucyA]

I do the 'I'll stay while you lie quietly and go to sleep, if you want to play I'll go outside' too, but one thing I try to do is not make me leaving seem like a punishment. Just that he can choose to go to bed or not, and that's fine either way, but at bedtime I'm not there to play, only to help him go to sleep.

DS is on a mattress on the floor, so when I leave the room I just shut the door behind me so he doesn't just follow me out.

[Mom to M&M]

Hi Traci! Sorry to hear you're having some new/more sleep issues. Just wanted to check in and see how things were going...

[Colesmom]

thanks everyone!  tbh, i didn't want to post an update until i had cracked it.  sometimes i find posting here makes me waffle a bit, change my tactic etc when i read different posts with different ideas.  anyhoo, this is how it went.

Friday-brief mention on the way home from school, mommy isn't going to hold your hand anymore. 

Bedtime-he only had a one hour nap so I had him in bed by 9:15.  Oh i had taken all the pillows/blankets that I used to lie on, out of the room, and placed a stool next to his bed.  well, he was not impressed when he saw this. he pushed the stool over Anyway, lots of up and down and in and out of the room. The stool really angered him, so I finally took it out and sat on the floor (not so easy in my condition).  he finally understood that I would leave if he wasn't laying quietly.  I would walk back in and he'd go lie down, but then get out and get in my lap.  I would go out, wait for him to call me, he would get in bed, i'd sit down, he'd get out...you see where it's going.
anyway, at 10:25pm i caved and kind of did wi/wo with my hand.  I touched his hand every 5 seconds or so. he was out in 5 minutes.  He made it til 4am, i did the hand thing again, made it 'til 7.
Saturday: same thing, wi/wo with the hand.  no tears. I figure I have been holding his hand since May...and yes, i know this will take longer...but I can't help but feel horrible   anyway, he finally drifted off at 10:05 after 15 minutes.  I left....he called for me after 5 minutes.  DRATS.  then he didn't trust me.  clung to my hand for dear life.  after 1 minute i gradually let go.  he rolled over a few times, reaching for me, but i didn't touch him.  He fell back asleep without touching my hand!  Made it until 6am!  back to sleep until 7, and then i just couldn't help it, he willingly came into bed and we slept until 8:30.  I'm sure I'll pay for it tonight.

Anyhoo, thanks for the advice, Stacy, Marie and Karen (yes, me again, as always ).  I'll be back tomorrow with more....stay tuned!