Going crazy trying to get 21 month DS to sit and eat!

[DavidsMomma]

Ok, I know DS is getting several teeth right now, but this is very stressful... (plus I loaned out my BW for Toddlers book and I can't look anything up - AHHHH!!!)

I will start by saying, he has never been one to venture to new foods, yes, picky eater.  The last few days, DS doesn't even want to get into his chair for food.  I don't force him.  But I tell him, if he would like to eat, he can get in his chair, it's dinner time, or lunch time, or even breakfast...  he has completely stopped eating breakfast.  By lunchtime he is so hungry, he is having meltdowns, and then not wanting to get into his chair.  I can sometimes distract him into his chair and distract him to eat, but now the only time my almost 2 year old is eating is if I am hand feeding him (this just doesn't seem right...  )  But at the same time, if I don't feed him right now, he isn't eating.  Tonight after feeding him a couple of bites of nuggets and some cheese (has completely stopped eating vegetables ) he said he was done and got down.  I offered some yogurt a bit before bed, but he is even saying no to yogurt right now.

Part of our problem is the not wanting to get in his chair (is this a phase?) and the other part is the not eating.  Right now I think I would be happy if he just eat the same ol' things he used to eat.  I need suggestions, ideas, or just a bit of support.  He is not starving, but it is just so hard to watch him go without eating.  I just need to chill out, don't I??

[debo620]

we are having the same issues at almost 20months. so just going to follow your thread. My son has always been a good eater but has little appetite now.
it is very frustrating, he will eat a few bites of breakfast but thats it and is then looking for a snack 2hrs later. same for lunch and same for supper. wakes up crying for food in the morning--eats a bit of food and then starts playing, pushing it away or trying to climb out of his chair.

he is in booster at our regular table now and the new big thing is to push with his feet against the table and push himself away from the table. I have to strap him in or else he is standing in the booster seat.

[taygensmom]

I agree you need to take the control battle out of the equation. Your LO ultimately decides how much he eats and what he eats out of the choices you provide, and you decide where he eats and what foods are presented. So you each have a "job", so to speak.

So as long as you are doing your job, then you just need to respect his choices in relation to his responsibilities with eating. If you don't you can end up with a huge control battle on your hands!!!

So I would just continue to offer food only at the table, and if he refuses then end the meal. At the beginning if he is hungry 2 hours later I would personally offer him some food, but again at the table only. I would personally give him about 3 options of healthy food per meal (and keep presenting the veggies, even if he refuses). And don't forget that with snacks you can still offer mini-meals; it doesn't have to be a true snack food. I would also just put the food in front of him and let him self-feed. Again, if he refuses end the meal and when he is ready to eat then put him back at the table and present food for him to self-feed again. If you do this consistently then he will eventually adjust and eat when he is hungry.

After he understands your expectations about eating at the table and self-feeding, then you can start moving to more structured times for snacks and mealtimes again. But at first I would focus on the eating at the table/self-feeding, and then focus on the timing of snacks/meals. HTH

[DavidsMomma]

Thank you all for your responses, I have been going nuts over here with this! 

Deborah, DS does the same with just wanting to get down to play!  Isn't it frustrating!  And he also pushes his feet against the table to try and get out (we have carpet though, so all it does is push him up on 2 legs.)

Stacy, I think the straps on the booster seat have been a problem, but on the times I am not "locking" him down, he wants to stand and climb on the table.  We are getting there with that one, I tell him, he can either sit or he is getting down.  I do want him to eat at the family table with us.  I don't really do the kids table either, plus I am sure all David would do would be run around, no sitting.  We had stopped his snack for a while, I guess I need to do it again.  The problem with not having something is that come meal time, he is a miserable bear and still won't eat!  So maybe this is a phase and he'll magically come out of it in a few days??? 

Taygensmom, Thank you too!  You are so right, this is definitely turning into a major control battle!  It is just so frustrating to offer a fairly decent meal (most of which he used to eat plus usually one new item) and his say yogurt.  Then if I tell him he has to eat some of one item first, screams for yogurt.  Then just screams.  So, give it to him?  I did today...

This was the case for lunch today, I was preparing and he came in the kitchen, and grabbed yogurt out of the fridge.  Before I even put his plate on the table he was asking, begging, whining and wanting nothing else but yogurt.  I put down his plate and nope, just wanted yogurt.  I gave a him a bit of yogurt and said he could have more if he ate something else on his plate, he ate about 2 bites of chicken nuggets (which is the only other thing he'll eat right now - and that in itself is driving me crazy, I just don't feel they should be eaten every day...)  At least he got in his chair to actually eat something, right?  And food went into him...  There is just so much stress around eating right now, for everyone b/c he is not wanting to eat or only eat a little bit of something that shouldn't be the only thing in his diet... 

[taygensmom]

I think at this point it is a mistake to offer the yogurt when he is begging for it and to use it as a "bribe". I say this because it often pereptuates the "control battle" that is already emerging. Instead, you pick 3 or 4 healthy choices for the meal and present them to him. If he is whining and begging for yogurt, just stay calm and say "these are your choices right now". If he doesn't eat, then respect that and wait until he is hungry or requests more food, then again present a few choices of what you think is appropriate. I know some would say just give him the yogur tif that's what he wants, but in my experience when there is already a control issue emerging this can actually make it worse, where a LO can end up dictating what he wants at every meal (which is usually the same one or two things!). I am not saying don't ever give him yogurt, just that if that is part of the meal then present it as one of his choices at the beginning, not in response to whining/crying for it. I would also avoid the "if you eat ___ you can have yogurt, as again this can escalate the control battle. So either offer it at the beginning of the meal/snack if this is one of the foods you are going to give him, or don't offer it at all. I would personally limit the yogurt to an occasional treat/snack right now until he gets back on track eating wise, and then you can obviously give it more and be more flexible with snacks, etc...

I do understand your concern that he's not eating enough, but if he is an adequate weight and has a decent appetite (even if it is only for the things he wants) then it isn't likely he will starve himself. Also keep in mind that children's appetites do vary depending on age, teething, and developmental milestones, so just roll with that and continue offering foods at appropriate times! HTH

[DavidsMomma]

Stacy, I think you are right.  I think David is just the same, he won't eat unless starved.  We are going back to know snacks here.  I will just have to be ready with food or a meal rather at a moments notice...   So, I tried leaving his booster seat unbuckled today and he says "belt close peees."    Stinker

I agree about the yogurt taygensmom.  In fact, implemented that today.  He wanted yogurt for breakfast, which is fine with me (has always been a breakfast option here), I added fruit to it.  Then when lunch roled around, he at a few bites  and then asked for yogurt.  I told him he could have yogurt if he ate more.  He didn't and said done, so... I let him down.

I talked to DH about all of this last night and we were very relaxed at dinner last night, not pushing and it went really well, especially compared to the last couple of weeks.  So, hopefully we are getting better in this department, at least for a while... 

Thank you for the wonderful suggestions!