Support for Raising Spirited Babies

[clareharley]

OK, here goes. I've just started following a new schedule that was recommended but it's not making much difference yet.

Wake up 5am
BF/Bottle 6am
Breakfast 7am
Nap 9am
Wake 9.50ish

Bottle 11am
Lunch 12am
Nap 1pm ??

Bottle 3pm
Dinner 5.30pm
Bath 6.30pm
Bed 7pm

I know he's going a long time between naps but firstly, despite the fact that he's waking up an hour earlier, I desperately want to keep to pre clock change timings in the hope that he'll wake later (or at the same time as he was before Sunday). So, he used to go down for his first nap at 8am which is now 9pm, likewise with bedtime. He used to be in bed by 6pm which is now 7pm. The other reason for not wanting to put him down earlier, well two reasons really; I've tried giving him 2.5hrs A time, 3hrs A time, 3.5hrs A time and now 4 and it doesn't make a blind bit of difference to how long he sleeps or how long it takes to get to sleep. Also, if he goes down too early he'll be done napping by midday. So, for example, I have tried in the past putting him down for his first nap 2.5hrs after waking, so 7.30am. He's awake by 8.30 at the latest. Then I put him down for the next nap 3hrs after that at 11.30 and he only slept for half an hour. As it's impossible to get him to sleep in the afternoon, he was awake from midday until bedtime at 6. I really want to try and close that gap because by bedtime he's a big bag of mad jitters.

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

Ok I hear what you are saying. How about if you do a 3 hour first activity so nap by 8.15ish til 9.30  and then do 1.30 nap? Bed time 7.15?
Ds does wake around 5 or 5.30, usually goes back to sleep for 30 mins.
6.00 A
9.00 Nap, used to be an hour and I would wake him, but now doing 45 mins by himself
1.30 Nap, can be 1.20 usually, today got 2 hours 
7.15 Bed. Have found this works best as bedtime for us, on nights we have gone even 15 mins later we get a longer mid night chat or earlier wake up.
Is he having a bottle after 3pm with his dinner or after?

[clareharley]

He has his bottle around 3pm then dinner around 5.30pm. I'll try doing 3hr, 4hr and then 5hr A times tomorrow and see if that makes any difference.
I had no idea someone so small could be so willful!
Thanks, Fiona.

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

5 will prob be too long. How about 3, 3.5 and 4? Try a bottle before bed too, he might be wakening hungry. Make bath 15 mins earlier if you can and see if he will take it.
Wish you loads of luck, isnt it terrible when you become obsessed with sleep or lack of it? I was like this with dd til 6 months then she was a champion. Got it so right with ds, well until 6 months and now am sleep obsessed again 

[wannabeloved4320]

does anyone know any good books for spirited chlidren and dealing with them and them being so strong-willied
i am looking for books for me to get a better understanding of there temperments.

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

Yes there is a book called Raising our Spirited Child as far as I remember, cant remember the authors name but first name should be Mary so maybe google. If I find it in the meantime I will post it as I am thinking of buying it myself. Another baby book 

[clareharley]

Hi Fiona,
I'm sorry to say I have completely, 100% given up with BW. I didn't realise how close to the edge I was but today is the last day I'm going to do this. We are both now beyond distressed, beyond tired and the constant battles to get him to sleep are making it so much worse. I can't go through another day of trying and failing. If he won't sleep I can make him and trying is just making him more wired, more hyper, more upset. In future, when he's tired I'll just take him out in the buggy like I always used to. Not great but better than the way things are now. If the nights get bad again as a result, so be it. I just can't hack this anymore.
Sorry to be sending out such a downer but thanks very much to you for all your help and support, and to anyone else who's reading this and has helped in the past.
Clare.

[Fiona (Leah & Kians Mom)]

Hi Clare,
Sorry to hear things are going so bad. Yes I think you should take a break from itfor a while and just get him to sleep anyway you can. There are plenty of Mums who dont BW ( and I dont 100%) and they are still fab Mummies. I hope you still stay around though cos this is a great place for more than just sleep issues. Please pm me anytime you want a chat or advice if I can give it. Loads of luck and let me know how you get on. By the way I thought so many times of giving up the whole routine thing too but I am just a routine person and dont know where I would start without one. Pls do stay in touch.
xx
Fiona

[clareharley]

Thanks Fiona. I'll let you know how I go. Unfortunately, I don't have a plan B so without BW I'm completely lost. He's fallen asleep on the bottle at the last 2 3pm feeds so I guess I'll go back to doing a combination of feeding and buggy to sleep.
Thanks for your support.
Clare.

[treebutt]

hi clare
i just had a quick skim of your story - sorry to hear its been so disheartening.  there are other books you can read with a more relaxed parenting style and whilst i have found BW really helpful, i have also found reading so more relaxed approaches comforting in that there is no real right....not sure if this is BW politically correct talking about other methods but i think it was a huge benefit to my confidence that there are soooooo many books because there are sooooooooooooooooooo many combinations of babies and mums.

Re books - i have found Dr Louise Porter, Children are People Too a great tool for raising kids (altho i only have an 11 month old so don thave a lot of research material!) - esp spirited ones where she shows that for these types of children too much discipline can just make things worse....she's an Australian author. and the other book i found helpful was Buddhism for Mothers....i suffered lots of anxiety and possibly postnatal the first 6 months....and found this book really helpful in guiding me towards remembering what was really important....

just a few ideas...

clare, lotsa hugs....the right way will emerge im sure.

beck ;o)

[clareharley]

Thanks so much, Beck.
I'll see if I can track those books down. I particularly like the sound of Buddism for Mothers as I think I'm going or have already gone insane. Anyway, I or we need something so really appreciate your suggestions.
Clare.

[Serena25]

HI everyone with spirited babies. I started BW today with my 10 week old daughter who I am 99% convinced is spirited. She is a complete nightmare to get to nap or go to bed and my husband and I are at our wits end. So we thought we would give this ago. But so far today has been a disaster and no different to normal except I have spent all day saying "Shh". Please tell me there is hope!

[sherry lynn]

Hey Serena,
10 weeks is also when I started BW. There is hope. It took us two weeks to really see a lot of progress. Things do get better. But there will still be lots of challenges, but they say that's motherhood Good luck

[Serena25]

Need some help! These may seem like silly questions but i'm a bit confused. Been trying to start the day at 7a.m but this morning my LO had other ideas and was still tired. I got her up at 7.30 but she really didn't want much of her bottle and still seemed tired so I took her back up to bed. She then slept for about 50 minutes.
Am I supposed to wake her at 7 to start the day? Even if she is still sound asleep? Plus when she wakes up and really no longer seems tired 45 minutes before her next feed do I continue to shh-pat her or let her get up? I'm really not sure. Everything at the moment seems to over stimulate her as she is so nosy!

Am really getting quite depressed. Haven't been out of the house for three days and seem to be spending all my time next to my daughters cot.

[treebutt]

hi serena

i remember the days of sitting by my lo cot shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ing.  i remember i used to get so stressed and get a tickle in my throat and then start coughing and would get terrified of waking lo anyway. crazy??!!!!

if you can, keep a little perspective that you are just learning?!?! i guess use BW as much as you can and be kind to yourself when its just too hard.  once i kinda got the "rules" of BW i then made up a few things of my own. also my lo worst time was 3 - 7 months. all went a bit mad especially with the 45 min cat naps.

i mentioned b4 that i used to try for 2 naps of no props (ie feeding or rocking to sleep) and then the third i would put lo in pram - i just couldnt do the third nap.  once i knew lo could do it on his own then i relaxed a little.

but yes, i agree it does drive you bonkers.  and please dont feel like a failure because you find BW challenging at times.....we are all new at this and Tracey did it for years.

the other EASY routine threads mite be more helpful in tailoring your day for you. 

do u work on a 12 hour day?? if your lo slepts till 8am would u then put him/ her to be at 8pm??

take care and if you can try and get out of the house even for a walk around the block....;o) 

my spirited lo is 11 months and has mastered walking already and only has 1 big nap during the day - its like living with a puppy at the moment HE DOES NOT STOP MOVING i can actualy hear him panting as he is just so busy doing watever it is that is keeping him so busy. and then i hear myself panting as i try and keep up w him....very very tiring.

beck ;o)